Couples Are Too Quick To Say ‘I Love You’ And It’s Causing All Kinds of Problems

Nowadays… a guy will meet a girl, exchange numbers, send flirtatious messages, go on several dates, ask her to be his girlfriend… and in a few months, they’ll say they’re in love. Like, they’ll literally spend all night talking on the phone and at the end of the conversation, he’ll say, “I love you” and she’ll say “I love you too.”


Or better yet, she’ll call him when he’s with his friends, and at the end of the convo, she’ll deliberately say “I love you babe” … just to see if he’ll respond… and he’ll whisper surreptitiously “I love you too.” And his friends will laugh and carry on.

In all seriousness, though, love isn’t a trivial thing. You can’t fall in love with someone after a kiss or a romantic getaway. Love is a process that requires patience, consistency and proactivity. It takes time to fall in love with someone and your partner has to earn the right to hear those three words “I love you”.

Here’s the thing, when you prematurely tell your partner ‘I love you,’ they’ll inherently begin to wonder if you’re clingy. Listen, trust me, you don’t want to come off as being clingy. That’s the quickest way to turn off someone.

Now, apart from the whole clingy issue, when you hastily tell someone you love them, they’ll subliminally begin to take you for granted. In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

After a while, the guy doesn’t make the effort to go out for dinner anymore, because he’s busy with work… All of a sudden he’s busy with work. And the girl, well, she used to spend hours thinking about her outfit. She wanted to make a good impression, and so she put effort into date night. Now, if she’s had a stressful week she can’t be bothered to because she’s too tired to go out.

In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

And the list goes on and on.

There’s a time and place for everything. You can’t afford to make the mistake of expressing certain feelings ahead of time. The “I love you” blunder is the biggest error you can make, but other phrases are detrimental.

Imagine, you met someone and things are going great. You’ve know them for about 2 weeks or so. But for some reason, you never got the chance to speak to them on Friday. Let’s say the next day, they send you a text “Hey, how are you?” You’re really into them, so you’re excited for the message and you respond “I’m good… how are you?” and they say “I’m good… I miss you.”

If you’re the type who’s quick to tell your partner “I miss you”, “I love you” etc. You need to understand that an overdose of these phrases can have a deleterious effect on your relationship.

At some point in your life, you’re going to fall hard for someone. It’s inevitable. But no matter what, you shouldn’t prematurely tell your partner how you feel about them because more often than not, it’s going to ruin things. And more importantly, your partner needs to prove that they’re worthy of hearing how you really feel about them.

When you’re absolutely sure that your partner is the one – not because you have a good feeling – but because they’ve shown over time to have the qualities you admire and respect in a significant other. Then at that point, it’s appropriate to truly express how you feel. And after a romantic night, when you finally say “I love you” for the very first time, it will really mean something to your partner, and their natural response will be “I love you too.


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Posted by on August 22, 2017 in random thoughts


Relationship And Marriage

We are created to relate with others. Of all relationships, one that is based on romantic love takes all that is “us’ with it. Once we get in, we have great hopes and expectations and never imagine that anything can bring such connections to a dead end. Nobody gets into love relationship and more so marriage hoping that it will end soon.

What a shock it is when we watch what we have built starting to crumble. We enter into uncharted waters and struggle to withstand the roller coaster. The bliss morphs into darkness and soon a long path similar to one in long and dark cave begins.
The emotions range from anger, unbelief, disappointment, and disillusionment. The pain of losing a lover and a friend takes over. Tears become a constant companion and joy of life slowly ebbs away. People enter into moments of denial and respond to the impending pain in a variety of ways.
To some people, the dying relationship is too much to bear. They go to the extreme and make decisions that not only destroy themselves but destroy others too.
1. Promiscuous life – When relationships end, some people think that they can inflict hurt by letting lose. The offended start entertaining sexual flings to prove that they are still on demand and marketable. They post photos of their encounters on social media hoping that those who walked out will notice and act. They visit same social clubs like their former lovers so that they can prove a point.
These decisions made in the fit of anger do not add any value to an already crumbling relationship. Flings and one night stands are not a wise option. Actually, they might just confirm why someone had to walk out.
The sexual pleasure might soothe the pain for some time but can also lead to unplanned pregnancies and infections. Furthermore, what do you do if the relationship is restored? Never sacrifice your life, honor and dignity on the basis of a broken relationship.
Watch out because there are those who will take advantage of you. They will not offer you a solution but will be out to satisfy their fleshly needs in the name of providing a shoulder to cry on.
Rebound relationships may not help either. They look great at the start but fail miserably since  their foundation is not genuine love. When the pain eases, eyes get opened and people realize that that is not what they really want.
2. Hitting the bottle or doing drugs – Those who have not been drinking start while those in the habit escalate it. They do this to lessen the pain and hope that the alcohol or drugs will push the reality away from them.
This habit might seem to work in the short term but in the end it is hollow and empty. It comes with the risk of addiction and lawlessness. Those high on drugs or alcohol are likely to escalate a conflict into violence against themselves, others, or property.
Anything that would destroy your life or cause you to destroy the lives of others is not welcome. Remember, alcohol/drugs cannot be used to justify evil.
3. Destroying property – Another extreme reaction to a dying relationship is destruction of property. Some people choose to destroy property like cars and houses. Others burn clothes of their partners or breakdown gadgets like mobile phones and laptops. They disfigure vehicles by spraying them with abusive graffiti.
They imagine that by destroying property they will teach the other person a lesson. If they had contributed in the purchase of the property, they feel so aggrieved and would rather destroy it other than leave to the other to enjoy.
What many fail to remember is that destruction of property is a criminal offence that can put one in worse trouble. You can end up in jail in the name of settling scores.
4. Violence – Closely connected to destruction of property is violence against others. This results in injuries and even death. People have lost lives as houses and vehicles were torched, heads decapitated, and bullets fired. In some cases, small babies have borne the brunt of violence as their parents target them to prove a point.
Wives have been known to attack their husbands’ mistresses and scald them with hot water or splash their faces with acid. All this is done out of anger and great disappointment. Some men sexually assault their daughters in twisted way of trying to hit back. There are those who hire goons to attack or kill the offender.
Violence against others is not acceptable. It is criminal to attack another person because of a sour relationship. It is never right to hurt others no matter the magnitude of anger. Children especially, are innocent victims caught up in the ruckus and should be protected at all times.
5. Suicide – To others, the pain of a broken relationship is so much that they choose suicide—hanging, taking poison, stabbing, and jumping/driving off a cliff, drowning, or shooting. To such people, life loses meaning and all hope is gone.
This is a permanent solution to an issue that is not good enough to take away life. The pain is there but even if the relationship never gets sorted, life gives the living opportunities to rectify mistakes or another chance to love a different person. The dead cannot enjoy second chances.
Those who commit suicide hope to inflict agony on the living. This happens for some time but thereafter, life moves on as usual. The living lover rediscovers his or her groove, gets another lover and remarries. Eventually, the biggest loser is the one who committed suicide.
No matter the investment, a broken relationship is not worth the price of death. Why would you deprive your children the joy of having a dad or mother just because what you expected has been blown up? The disenchantment is understandable but killing yourself is the utmost extreme.
Some thoughts on what one can do when a relationship hits a dead end:

• Keep communication lines open – most conflicts escalate when small gaps are not addressed in time and soon become chasms that cannot be overcome. The best way is to keep talking as issues arise and not wait until they pile up. When lines are open, matters are cut off before they get to a point where extreme measures are taken. Learn to forgive, release and reconcile.

• Seek counsel – there is nothing wrong in seeking counsel when matters turn south. Many times, a third person will help in bringing objectivity into an issue. Talking to someone is not exposing your relationship but it is being responsible enough to do everything to preserve it. You can talk to a confidante, a counselor or a spiritual leader. Never make a drastic decision before you talk to someone else.

• Walk out – when things are not working out, there is nothing wrong in walking out for a moment. There are times that one tries everything under the sun but things don’t seem to improve. In such cases, the person does not need to resort to violence, suicide or homicide. Walking out leaves you free of crime and offers another chance for a better relationship in the future. Don’t wait to be walked out in a coffin.

• Pray – never underestimate the power of prayer. Those who believe in God can always pray for Him to intervene and help them have a healthy relationship. Spiritual matters require spiritual treatment. The devil attacks marriages and the best antidote is for the couple to join together and fight him instead of fighting each other. Talk with God…nothing is impossible with Him.God wants marriages to work so keep bringing it to Him. God can heal any relationship and transform it into a healthy one.
Remember that:

Don’t destroy your own life

Don’t destroy another’s life

Don’t destroy property

These are my personal thought and observation around me don’t take this personally

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Posted by on August 22, 2017 in random thoughts


I will only write about you with or without choice. 

I like dark more than you love her but I love you more than I like the dark. I don’t know how long I will write about you but till that end I will only write about you with or without choice. 

I am a very sad sick person who only write about anxieties, depression, accidents and on sad topics like ‘you’. And I am somebody who doesn’t even know myself, I’ve no idea. Tonight I felt like crying but I didn’t see any reason that would make me so, I didnot cry but I wish I had.

 I am sorry for praying to God to take you away.

 I feel like my time is over but I’ve seen those dead flowers amidst the living’s and I see why its not sad to die, to not mourn about your pain and shred when its time, and to happily fall knowing that you have to end it, someday.

 I sit here by my window, a pen dangling from my mouth, consciously aware of the world that is coated under the night, merry making with the idea that I can see nothing, and its okay. Because all I want to do is not move and write unhesitatingly, constantly and unmoved by any boulders, all my life. I want to write like not a writer but myself, to write like nobody, to write like to put fire and ice together, to write like to throw words fearlessly up on the ceiling and catch it on the throat, to write like fishing during a rainstorm, to write like to cry like a kid when you ignore me, to write not like to see happy faces but looking under that smile, to write like to know that love and hate are two powerful feelings that to nobody comes easy, and to write like to be ready for death whenever it has to come and, that is when I will put my pen down and rest for a while. 

And in like every yesterday, today too I will think about hating you forever for now until tomorrow. Sadly, I think I am never gonna love anybody like this again and worst, I find myself believing it everyday and which absolutely does not mean that I need you because its not somebody, its me, stupid.

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Posted by on August 21, 2017 in random thoughts


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Posted by on August 20, 2017 in random thoughts


Love And Live Like A Legend

​If you had never liked someone or never had a crush on someone, just get out of the computer and start searching for the one. You are just wasting your life thinking that you are going to find the perfect guy or girl for you. To be frank, what you are doing is just searching a pearl in the ocean. Don’t be afraid of break ups or about getting failed, just go there and push yourself as hard as you can. Love is the most beautiful feeling, it can give you tears and smile at the same time. This post, what I am writing is for all the soup boys and girls out there. I would say its mostly for the guys, because I tried to think from a girl point of view but it is much more complicated.

All the soup boys out there, like me, let me get this very straight ,yes you liked a girl and you did all sought of love things to get her but It did not work. I know love is always precious to the person involved in it, you can never compare it with one another and it can never be measured. You can never feel someones pain until it strikes you hard. Crazy things, what you do doesn’t fade away like a formatted USB flash drive, it becomes like a memory virus on to the brain and that gives you pain. A kind of pain which makes your throat dry and uneasy to swallow, a pain that lets you stay awake all through out the night, a pain which makes you look shabby day by day because you stopped giving damn about others, a pain which tells you the world is moving at slower rate than others and a pain which tell you all the girls in the world are like this just because she rejected you. I would say you are wrong. Pain is a by-product of love and it comes for free, blaming it on others will not get you anything. Blaming just gives you a satisfaction saying that you tried your best but she never understood. Pain is like a snake poison, it can kill you or it can be used to cure the cancer inside you, it all depends on how you see it. You can take it, cry all day long or make use of it. Let me tell you something, crying just gets you tears nothing else, not even a fucking glass of water. Pain is nothing but a form of energy it was not created, it was just transformed from your love memories. Don’t waste it by thinking about the same girl or drink yourself to death. It has become a fashion now that, If you face a failure than just get drunk to forget it, thats not at all the final solution. The reality is pain can be used to construct yourself, than to destruct your life. Find your shadow and spread some light over it, make yourself a better human, a better person to be with. Without making mistakes you will never perfect yourself.
Now what you do is put yourself in the girls place, look from her point of view, her expectation and likes might may be way different from what we think.  For example few people like riding a bike than a car, you can never justify that their taste is bad its just they don’t want a car. I guess you would have heard some say ‘ Not everyone gets everything in life ‘, thats true , sometimes how much hard you try, you will never get it, because its just not meant for you and you have to be strong to move on. Every one in your life teaches you a lesson, so did the girl just take it and walk out of her life. Our life is very short if you compare it with time scale of earth, Instead of getting worried about what happened, you can see the positive side of why it din’t happen between both of you. Instead of blaming someone, blame yourself because you started it. Instead of thinking about the way she made you sad, think about the way she made you happy. Instead of spoiling your health, built it up for a cause. Instead of crying for your pain, wipe someone else tears. Smile for what you have and laugh for what you did but get strong and act like a man and let her go of your thoughts.
Well you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go
– Let her go (Passenger)
I am totally against the fact that love just comes only once in your life time, love is like a flower in a plant, when one flower goes down what you need to do is give it some time and space and let the next flower bloom. I know it will be hard, every time you try to get out of it, you will be shattered back to deep darkness. Everything you touch will have her name, everything you hear will have her voice. It will be a tuff ride to come out of it, the more tuff it is the more you have loved her. What you need to get is persistence and will power. Rome was not built in a day and also Rome was not defeated in a day. Everyday when you get up with her thoughts, you will have to fight back with it all day long and by end of the day the victory should be yours and you should win. So don’t worry, just love and live like a legend.

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Posted by on August 18, 2017 in random thoughts


Some people simply are not meant to stay forever

​We have all fallen for temporary people.

They come as swiftly as they go from our lives; with their reeling minds and striking bodies and genuine, wide-open hearts. They are hurricanes and madness and wrecking balls; they’re sunshine and blissful surrenders.
We want to shelter ourselves from the storms that these people embody but we also want to walk right into the center of them. We want their chaos and their madness; we want it the way others once wanted ours.
We are advised not to fall for these people. And yet we do, knowing full well we can’t keep them. How could we not, after all?
We want their nows and forevers. We want their sleepy half-smiles over coffee every morning and their sturdy arms to lull us to sleep. We want their wine-drunk Saturday evenings and their lazy Sunday mornings. We want their words and their silences; their downfalls and their strengths. We want the whole of the people we love but we’re sometimes only given a fraction. And so here’s what we do with that instead.
When we don’t get to hold on to the people we love, we wrap their memories in between our heartstrings and we carry them with us. We remember the lilt of their laughter on the days when the rain comes pouring down. We envision the curves of their skin when we need to know that all is not lost. We take the moments we share with these people and we freeze them, we immortalize them, we keep them preserved and alive inside the ancient museums of our minds.
Because love doesn’t need to last forever in order to make a lasting impression.
We don’t need to curse and resent and forget the people life didn’t let us hold onto. We don’t have to rid ourselves of their impressions and shelter ourselves from their impact. We’re allowed to let them in. We’re allowed to let them matter. We’re allowed to engage in the temporary foolishness of falling for someone who is not going to be left holding our crippled, wrinkled hand fifty years down the road.
Because some people simply are not meant to stay forever. Some people come into our lives for a season, for a reason, for the simple purpose of showing us the world in a way we would never have seen it otherwise.

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Posted by on August 16, 2017 in random thoughts


 Feeling incapable in your own capabilities.

We’re all stigmatized by the thought of not being enough, by fear of always remaining one step away from where we’re told we should be, because ironically we spent our lives being told that we should thrive to be better, be smarter, be prettier, be funnier, be fucking more. 

So now we make ourselves into something we’re not; to impress people, to not hear that our potential is unfulfilled or that we’re not good enough, but doesn’t pretending make us lose the us that we once as children loved to be? Is the struggle of survival worth it if we will never feel enough? 
We’re in a constant never ending cycle of self hate, anger, ache, shame and never fully feeling good enough. 
 Sadness is not being able to be the captain of your own ship, but tricking yourself into thinking you are, it’s thinking you can fix yourself by pure thought but not doing it due to a crippling fear of disappointment, and not being able to love or trust enough. It’s being sorry for not fitting other people’s standards while a bitter side of you tries to convince you that other people’s opinions don’t matter, it’s feeling that your mind is empty yet full at the same time, it’s not knowing what to say but knowing what you want to hear at the same time.
 It’s feeling incapable in your own capabilities.


Posted by on August 13, 2017 in random thoughts

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