Listen man.. This shit here was all we were ever told as boys growing up.. How I feel about it now? It’s been a couple who have come and gone who I truly thought were gonna be that “one” and they made me fall in love.. And that was the problem.. I kept thinking I had to let some girl make me fall in love with her, and I ended up just forcing myself to fall in love with the first pretty face that showed me attention.. I grew up insecure , I’m still a little insecure sometimes about certain things.. It’s called being human, we all are so if you have a problem with that.. You can’t hold that against anyone because we all do it.. The part that doesn’t help is when peoples actions spark our insecurities for good reason and then they try and make it seem like it was the insecurities that caused them to do what they did.. But I digress.. My original point is that I forced love with just anyone because I felt like I had to.. I never quite understood that what the old heads meant by “she’s gonna change your life and make you fall in love” was that the shit would just happen in an instant.. In the blink of an eye because this women will be so breath taking that she steals your heart from the minute you lay eyes on her.. It won’t be a sexual attraction, it won’t be lustful or shallow, it will be the deepest, most penetrating feeling you’ve ever experienced and there will just be no mistaking as to what’s really happening between the two of you.. That’s what I’m still holding out for, despite all my failures in attempting to find a woman and fall in love, I know that I’m going to get it right I just have to keep working on understanding what love really is, what it really means.. I have to truly understand that loving myself makes love with another person almost effortless, I’ll never have to force it or stress it.. Never have to worry where they go when they leave the house or who they talk to on the phone in another room.. I want trust beyond doubts, love beyond faults, and more than just some fucking potential to be everything.. I wanna just be everything to someone, that’s all any of us want I think..