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From a Lover’s Diary -“Faded Thoughts”

17 Mar

Don’t you ever think back on it all, wonder where things went wrong.. At one point everything was perfect, it was all so beautiful.. I loved you, you seemed to love me.. It felt good, so fucking good to have that security of knowing that if the world was falling apart I still had you.. That was everything to me you know, out of all things I could have in this life, I had everything in you.. I just miss that I guess, I can’t help but constantly try and figure out what happened or where we went wrong.. I blame myself so much thinking I could have done things differently or better to keep from losing you.. No matter who’s fault it actually was I will always blame myself for some strange reason, I’ve always been that way when things go wrong, I come down so hard on myself.. That made it really hard for me to move on, even harder than it already was just knowing that I lost what seemed to be the perfect one for me.. I’m not sure how some folks just get up and move on so easily, maybe it’s just me but that pain was unbearable for a little while, the constant aching in my chest and feeling as though it was harder to breathe without you.. I will never forget that feeling.. But eventually things got better, it hurt a little less and I figured out how to put you in my past and keep you there.. Yet still I have these days, when I miss you, think I still love you and reminisce on all the moments we had when I was still convinced everything was perfectly fine.. I will probably never get to a point when I never think of you again, and that’s ok with me because when I loved you, I really loved you, and I would never expect myself to just forget that or cast those feelings away as if they never existed.. Maybe you can, but I could never.. So you will keep that place you had in my heart forever, there’s no need for you to be replaced because my heart is big enough to love again and find some space for someone else..

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Posted by on March 17, 2016 in love

 

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