From a Lover’s Diary -” I woke up wanting to kiss you years before we met “

I did not fall in love with you. To say that is to insist that what happened between you and I was a catastrophic moment, a clashing and bashing within the Universe that left us both with bruised knees and scraped wrists. No, I did not fall in love with you – I grew in love with you; I grew roots in you, slowly and profoundly, gently and with choice.

The truth is, I woke up wanting to kiss you. Years ago, before I had met you, I woke up wanting to make you breakfast. I woke up wondering when I would meet the person who laced dreams within my pillowcase, who lived like sleep within my eager eyes.

Years ago I woke up wondering what it would be like to finally hear you introduce yourself. I dreamed of the coffee shop we would frequent for months before noticing each other, the dusty bookstore you would take me to on our first date. I envisioned the ways you would tell me about your goals, your aspirations, always noticing how your pupils dilated whenever you looked at me, as if matchsticks ignited every time we locked eyes.

Years ago I woke up wondering how you would love; if your heart would speak the same language as mine, if we would learn to accept the differences that lived between us like rivers. It was easy for me to get excited thinking about all of the ways I would quietly prove to you how much I cared for you. I knew that I would only ever want to give you the world. I knew that I would only ever want to inspire your soul.

Years ago I made the decision to believe in you. To truly, and wildly, believe that you were waking up at 9am on a Sunday morning wondering if I existed, too. Years ago I woke up choosing you, wherever you were, however you would come to me, and that is why I did not fall in love with you. I waited for you. I hoped for you. I prepared myself to love you, to embrace you, so that when you did introduce yourself to me in that coffee shop, or take me to that bookstore on our first date, I would be ready to love you the way I always dreamed of loving you — I would be ready to love you the way you always deserved to be loved.