Monthly Archives: June 2017

I Want To Waste My Days With You

I want to waste my days with you, talking about life, telling each other stories about our past and our wishes for the future. I want to waste my mornings with you, catching you up on years and years of untold stories, family secrets, friend’s drama and a long list of heartbreaks. I want to waste my words on you.

I want to waste my afternoons with you, driving ourselves to unfamiliar places; exploring the city as we listen to your favorite songs and as you listen to my favorite lyrics and replay our favorite songs over and over again. I want us to go to museums, galleries, festivals, concerts and anything we come cross. I want to waste my money on you.
I want to waste my evenings with you, walking by the lake, watching the sunset, remembering the times when we didn’t think the sun will ever shine, when we were blinded by our own darkness and how we came to find the light. I want to shine my light on you.
I want time to fly with you, I want time to pass me by with you, or maybe I want time to stop with you.
I want to waste my nights with you. I want to dance with you under the moonlight and I want to take you to all my favorite restaurants and bars and show you my favorite spots. Where I go when I need to think, where I go when I need to be alone, and where I go when I want to hide from the world. I want to waste my secrets on you.
I want to waste my heart with you. I want to spoil you and buy you gifts you don’t need. I want to help you love the parts of you that you gravely hate. I want to heal the scars that life left on you and I want to keep giving you all I’ve got – profuselyand lavishly. I want to waste my love on you.
I want to waste my sleep with you. I want to stay up looking at you when I can barely open my eyes. I want to stay up listening to you when I can’t utter a word. I want you to be the reason why I couldn’t wake up in the morning and I want you to be the reason for my incurable insomnia. I want to waste my sleepless nights on you. 
I want to waste the best years of my life with you. Traveling, exploring the world, exploring adulthood, exploring life and watching ourselves grow through life. I want to spend my years in your arms that feel like home. I want to waste the best years of my life making memories with you.
I want to waste my time with you. I want every moment to be filled with something of you. I want time to fly with you, I want time to pass me by with you, or maybe I want time to stop with you.
I guess what I am trying to say is I don’t  waste a minute unless I am with you.


Posted by on June 30, 2017 in random thoughts


Love Affair

I would like to get away, to a desert island, where you can only hear the song of the sea and that of your heart. Where only feel the wind of your voice… The wind of your voice saying my name while making love as deep and intense in our lives becoming one, over and over again until everything disappears and time freezes.
Honey i need you to be my bed for me to lie about you, I want to feel your bare skin attached to mine, make the time go faster to observe the end of things, but at the same time its slow I wish to observe that they are reality.
I want to be your bed and your blanket, lull you with my body, be fresh skin covering and absorb your fatigue, your warmth and ensure you happiness… I want to be your medicine, your healing and your remedy I want to be up to your illness, I want to be an eternal virus, hope to be good and to me keep close to your heart.  I love you… I guess with the love that produces my body for you… my immune system you will get sweetly, I hope to be the boy who fill that tender heart… the boy that makes you laugh always, always, love the boy that makes you feel full. 

I would like to kill you with something more than words… to then revive you in my arms.  I love you too and at the same time as little… Ironically I can only feel it and not prove it… I love you so little when you are alone, when you do not embrace… and I love you so much when we are a little closer now


Posted by on June 30, 2017 in love, random thoughts


To The Girl Who’s Tired Of Waiting…

Just tried to write from other’s perspective…

Do you ever just look at someone, watch them while they’re doing such a simple task and just smile. They have no idea anyone is looking at them and that’s what makes them all the more lovable because they’re totally unaware of your fascination – they’re just really being themselves?

I find myself doing that all the time. I’ll just watch my boyfriend taking notes in class or folding his laundry or just watching a movie – he never has any idea I’m stealing a glimpse and it makes him even more adorable. My heart flutters every single time I catch him being so him.

I never imagined myself saying that about anyone. I had hoped I would. I wanted to be in love, but I really didn’t think there was any way I’d be so in love with someone who reciprocated all the same feelings.

I feel like I spent years just longing for someone to love me. It brought me to tears so often. I told God I was being patient and waiting on the right guy, but I wasn’t being patient or waiting at all.

I was complaining when I didn’t have someone, and when I did, it wasn’t healthy or the right timing or the right person – it never felt like love.

Being a teenager, being a 20-something, being 30 (the list goes on) and trying to find our “soulmate” is the object of the game, huh? It’s what we really long for at the end of every day. Someone to cuddle with, someone to eat takeout with, and someone to just be with.

We get to a point where we will take what we can get.

I’m here to tell you to keep waiting. When you think you can’t, just wait one more day. And then the next. And the next. Something great will happen. You’ll stop waiting and you’ll just start being.

And when you can finally just be, he will come.

He won’t be what or who you expect and he won’t come when you expect him to. I know you’ve heard that a million times, but I pinky promise it’s true.

I wish I would have taken this advice. I really wish I would have.

It finally hit me that I desperately NEEDED to be alone to learn how to deal with myself before anyone else in the world would ever want to deal with me.

That doesn’t mean it’s ever easy to deal with me, and for a long time I thought that made me unlovable. I felt so hard to love.

And then someone fell in love with me when I wasn’t even looking. I was just being me. He was stealing glimpses while I was effortlessly being myself. I didn’t have to try. I was no longer hard to love at all.

I am certainly hard for him to deal with, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, loving me is his favorite thing to do and the easiest part of his day.

He came out of nowhere and I wasn’t looking for him at all. I had been single for almost two years and was so happy being alone. But God knew my heart was getting a little restless and was ready for someone to finally love me the way He intended everyone to be loved.

And when a man finally pursued me with the right intentions, things fell together.

At first, I absolutely did not want a boyfriend and thought he was very nice but wanted no part of being in a romantic relationship with him.

I thought he was fun and we’d go on a few dates and that would be it.

That wasn’t it at all. And God was laughing hysterically at my thought process.

He wasn’t who I thought I had been looking for. So I prayed for some guidance and basically was like, “Hey God if you want me to date this boy, you better show me why because I really thought I was supposed to be alone for a few more minutes or years.”

And God said, “You got it.”

I started falling more in love with Jesus while I was falling in love with him at the same time, and that’s how I knew.

I didn’t care what we had in common as long as we were both in it to further God’s kingdom together. And with every cute date and kind gesture, I saw more and more of his desire to live out God’s plan for his life. And boy was that attractive.

I have always been pretty open to the world about my love life. I’ve written about it, I’ve talked about it, and I’ve joked about it for years. My dating life has really reflected a romantic comedy (an emphasis on the comedy part) and I think the universe was silently cheering for me to finally catch a good one.

I have had so many girls genuinely tell me how happy they are for me and tell me how much they wanted what I have with my boyfriend. Every time I talk about him or tell the story of how we met, girls are brought to tears.

That’s when I want to grab them and say, “Wait.”

A good man, the right man, is more than worth the wait. Girls, LISTEN – PLEASE do not settle for someone just because you are bored or lonely. That guy can’t ever make you the happiest you were made to be, and you can’t love him the right way either. If you don’t wait for the person God made for you, you’ll end up with SOMEONE ELSE’S PERSON. That is no fun.

When you’re with YOUR person, you know he’s your person. You can see it in his eyes and feel it in every single embrace. It’s a beautiful, moving, soul-shaking feeling. It’s what we dream about starting at age 5, ladies. Do you want to settle for the so-so feeling or wait it out and get the butterflies, the really big butterflies, every single day?

I get them every day. And it’s because I FINALLY waited. I stopped searching and I let the magic happen. God saw my authentic patience finally coming through and that’s when he winked, nodded, and sent a real life prince charming my way with no strings attached.

Real love isn’t fancy dates and expensive gifts – it’s a feeling you’ll never be able to explain to a single person. And you’ll know when it’s real. It is the greatest feeling in the entire world because it comes straight from the God who is love. It’s his number one greatest gift to us.

Gosh, I love love. And I love seeing people in love. I want everyone to get to be in love with someone! I really do.

So I am begging and pleading and crying out for you to wait patiently and then just hide and watch what happens. It might not happen next week or even next year, but it will most certainly happen at the perfect time.

Before you know it, when you are content, some guy you never would’ve expected to love or to love you will finally get the courage, after months of being nervous, to ask you to go fishing. And then, well… here we are.


Posted by on June 30, 2017 in random thoughts


To The Boy Who’s Tired Of Waiting

“When will that girl notice me? Should I even try to ask her out? There’s no way she would date someone like me.”

Girls are waiting on their Prince Charming, but all those Prince Charmings out their are waiting on the right girl, too.

Not every guy is a “player” and not every guy is out to break girls’ hearts. Some of them have had their hearts broken too, and they are scared to get back in the game.

To that guy: keep holding out and waiting for the girl who needs you like you need her. She will be worth it, and she will let you love her the way you’ve tried to love girls before.

You’ve been turned down or looked over or just completely dumped, but that’s ok because those girls just weren’t the ones for you. They were just preparing you for the one who is for you.

Everyone says it’s so hard to be a girl, but I can tell it’s hard to be a guy too. Your feelings and emotions are sometimes forgotten, but it’s YOU who has to make the first move, ask the girl on the date, get the flowers, and go out on a limb for a girl you think is great who may not reciprocate the feelings.

It’s terrifying to ask a girl – a girl you have decided is out of your league – out on that first date. But I promise, she’s just as nervous as you. She thinks you’re out of her league and she is terrified you might not like her back. So go for it.

And if she turns you down, it’s really not you. It’s not her either. It just wasn’t meant to be.

No one is at fault and there’s nothing wrong with either of you, so just move on and keep your head up and don’t be afraid to ask another great girl.

Girls, we have to remember that guys have feelings too. They are nervous and scared and don’t want to make any assumptions. It’s a lot harder for them to ask us out than for us to say yes or no. Let’s take the pressure off of them and give them a chance when they deserve it.

Guys, it’s also ok for you to be single. I don’t mean single and “hanging out” with every girl in town. I mean like single and figuring life out and getting to know yourself before you decide to take a girl by the hand and do life with her.

If you have the right intentions and pursue a girl with love and genuine kindness, things will work out in your favor.

God says all things work together for good for those who love Him. Search for Him, love Him, before you try to love a girl. And look for a girl who is doing the same thing.

I listened to a podcast a few months ago just after my first date with my boyfriend. It was Louie Giglio’s podcast called “Why Date?” (Check it out here). To this day, it is one of the best sermons I’ve heard.

It put it all into perspective for me. It’s great to think that a girl is attractive, but why are you dating her? Better yet, why SHOULD you be dating her?

By pairing up with her and becoming a team, will you further the Kingdom of God or will you just have a little fun? If you can honestly say you see yourself serving God together AND having fun, then buddy, go ahead and date her and then wife her up.

You can think she’s cute, that’s fine, but look at her heart. Watch how she treats people. Listen to her dreams and passions and decide if you can see yourself spending your entire life with her striving to make the world better together.

Is she someone you want on your team permanently? If she’s more of match finisher for you than scoring a century , you might want to reconsider. A good match finisher  can be helpful and can get you win the matches, but that a century hitter  will always go to bat for you and try her best to knock one out of the park.

(Sorry for the cheesy cricket analogy ).

There are billions of girls in the world, but you’ll know the one for you when you stop caring about all the billions of others besides her. When you’re FOMO (fear of missing out) disappears and you don’t care what other girls are doing or what party you’re missing out on as long as you’re hanging out with her doing absolutely nothing, that’s a sign she might be the one.

But until you find her, just be still. Don’t worry about when she will come or who she will be, because it will all happen exactly when it should happen.

I know your heart has been broken ever since that hot girl at school turned you down for prom, but life moves on and gets better – I promise. Life is funny in that she will either end up being your wife or you will tell your gorgeous wife the funny story about her and how you thought your life would never go on.

So, give yourself a break. , but the truth is, we want someone to love and to love us. We want someone to let us know how they feel and treat us like we are the most beautiful girl in the world. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be real.

So look for a girl who wants those things, those qualities, that you know you bring to the table. If your desires and hearts match up in the right way, the best way, a relationship will happen with ease. And if not, let it go.

But when the time is right and you see her and know she’s the one, don’t be afraid. Be confident in who you are and be confident in the realness of your heart and ask her. Ask her to get to know you and ask if you can get to know her. Ask her if you can have a chance to show her that there are really great guys left in the world. Ask her if you can show her how beautiful she is every day.

Be intentional. Don’t just ask her to come over and watch a movie. Plan a date and let her know you are serious about her. And if she’s the one like you think she is, she will say yes.

But until then, just wait. You don’t have to go out with anyone and everyone just for fun. You don’t have to be like all the other guys hooking up and ditching girls when things get serious. You can just wait it out and be patient until she comes along.

Because she’s waiting for you, too.

To the guy who’s waiting for the perfect girl: she’s out there being patient for you, and when everything lines up and your paths cross, you’ll know all the heartbreak and all the waiting was worth it.

Be brave and take a chance. The risk is almost always worth the outcome.


Posted by on June 29, 2017 in random thoughts


You’re Not The Only One

When you’re in a valley, going through something hard, you feel like you are the only one on earth experiencing that type of pain at that moment. But the truth it, you aren’t.

No matter how minor or major the situation is or seems, you are not alone.

I shared a blog post a couple weeks ago about quitting my dream job, and I never could have imagined the response I got.

I was fully expecting for everyone to think I was totally deranged and stupid because that’s how I felt.

But it was quite the opposite. SO many people poured out love and encouragement and said they were proud of me. Yes, proud of me. I was shocked, too. Then I just wept because I realized that people want to see people they love, and even people they don’t know, happy. It inadvertently makes us happier.

We are all here wanting love, so we have to give it. And we are all one big world, one big community, cheering each other on. So, no, you’re not alone. You are not the only one facing what you’re facing. Don’t believe for one second the lies that say you are alone.

Dozens and dozens of people messaged me after reading that post and shared their similar struggles. It was just a big massive response of, “Me too.”

As soon as I wrote that post and shared it with the world, I released it to the universe and to God. It was no longer my burden. Everyone who read it took it from me and took it for me and replaced it with love. I felt so much peace after I typed the last word.

But even after that, I continued to feel more peace and reassurance that I had made the right decision during my time of desperation because I knew at least one person needed it. And as soon as the first person messaged me, I said out loud, “This is why I quit my job and this is why I told everyone about it.”

And then the messages flooded in with, “I want to quit my job too,” “I want to break up with my boyfriend,” “I want to change my major,” “I want to move cities,” and they all ended with, “But I’ve been too scared. Thank you for the inspiration.”

See, God used little ol’ me and my little ol’ difficult situation to bring glory to HIM and to bring inspiration, rest, peace, comfort to so many other people who realized they weren’t the only ones.

One of the most powerful stories a reader shared with me was that of her feeling that she had listened to God’s signs “too late.”

This woman had moved to another country and had been there for five years, met a guy, and loved her life, but something was telling her to leave. She said she knew she needed to be out of the relationship and she knew she should move back to America, but she ignored God’s calling.

She finally decided to leave and move back home so she could spend more time with her grandson. It was hard for her to leave her boyfriend, but she committed to listening to God’s calling. Her bags were packed and she was ready to make a huge move when she found out her son and grandson had been killed in a wreck.

Too late.

Those were the words that hit her like a ton of bricks.

But it’s never too late to listen to God. We can’t ruin His plan for our lives and we can’t stay off the path forever, no matter how many detours we take. So, she moved anyway because she knows God wanted her to.

She connected with my story not because it was exactly the same but because we both had a choice to make concerning God’s calling, and neither one of us found it easy.

I heard plenty of other stories of a girl who had grown up wanting to be a lawyer and went to law school at the University of Alabama and was halfway through when she decided she wanted to quit and flip houses and go into the real estate business. She knows law won’t make her happy.

Another girl felt God calling her to a new city so she left friends, broke up with her boyfriend, found a new job and was miserable for months until she saw “the why” behind God calling her to move.

The point is – we are all going through it. We are all figuring life out and making turns and trying to be happy, but there is a comfort in knowing there is always someone else going through either exactly what you’re going through or something that can teach you about your situation. God did that on purpose. He formed relationships a long time ago because He knew how much we needed them. He knew our stories, our struggles, our hearts, our fears, our dreams, our joys would all match up in some way at some point. He made us so different and so alike at the same time – what a thoughtful God.

So, in the midst of your struggle right now, right where you are, remember you are not the only one in the valley and you won’t be the last one there either. Just like someone used what they learned from their lows, use what you’re going through right now to help someone else. That’s one of those “why” moments God gives us – He shows us that the reason why we struggle is sometimes not for us but for someone else. Our heartbreaks can help heal.  And He does something inside us during those moments and those seasons that remind us to live life like that – like every day, every situation, every rise, and every fall is not for us but for someone else, for everyone else. Less of us, more of Him. More of everyone else.

You’re not the only one,


Posted by on June 29, 2017 in random thoughts


​ I want to write about you

I want to write about how you make me feel
How every time I see your face I know that you’re real

I can’t describe the feeling you always raise in me

I can’t describe this wave  of happiness that you seem to bring

But I want to write about it.

I want to write about the day we met

I want to write about that time  we shared

How every time you would laugh it would linger in the air

I can’t describe the love and getting lost in your eyes

I can’t describe the reason why you won’t say, “Goodbye”.

But I want to write about it all
I want to write about all our memories, all our stories, and adventures

How we conquered them together

But I can’t describe the paths we took

I can’t describe the sense of closeness I felt in that one look

But I want to
I want to write about us

How everything felt was true love not lust

But I can’t describe anything without you

I can’t describe all our hopes and dreams

How everything that was so perfect left in a fleet of screams

I want to write, but I forget how to describe what is meant

I want to write about you but I can’t

I can’t describe the feeling of lost, the feeling of what it all cost

Or of the silent screams, the lovely dreams with just you and me

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Posted by on June 29, 2017 in poems


Why to propose someone in hurry

Nowadays… a guy will meet a girl, exchange numbers, send flirtatious messages, go on several dates, ask her to be his girlfriend… and in a few months, they’ll say they’re in love. Like, they’ll literally spend all night talking on the phone and at the end of the conversation, he’ll say, “I love you” and she’ll say “I love you too.”


Or better yet, she’ll call him when he’s with his friends, and at the end of the convo, she’ll deliberately say “I love you babe” … just to see if he’ll respond… and he’ll whisper surreptitiously “I love you too.” And his friends will laugh and carry on.

In all seriousness, though, love isn’t a trivial thing. You can’t fall in love with someone after a kiss or a romantic getaway. Love is a process that requires patience, consistency and proactivity. It takes time to fall in love with someone and your partner has to earn the right to hear those three words “I love you”.

Here’s the thing, when you prematurely tell your partner ‘I love you,’ they’ll inherently begin to wonder if you’re clingy. Listen, trust me, you don’t want to come off as being clingy. That’s the quickest way to turn off someone.

Now, apart from the whole clingy issue, when you hastily tell someone you love them, they’ll subliminally begin to take you for granted. In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

After a while, the guy doesn’t make the effort to go out for dinner anymore, because he’s busy with work… All of a sudden he’s busy with work. And the girl, well, she used to spend hours thinking about her outfit. She wanted to make a good impression, and so she put effort into date night. Now, if she’s had a stressful week she can’t be bothered to because she’s too tired to go out.

In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

And the list goes on and on.

There’s a time and place for everything. You can’t afford to make the mistake of expressing certain feelings ahead of time. The “I love you” blunder is the biggest error you can make, but other phrases are detrimental.

Imagine, you met someone and things are going great. You’ve know them for about 2 weeks or so. But for some reason, you never got the chance to speak to them on Friday. Let’s say the next day, they send you a text “Hey, how are you?” You’re really into them, so you’re excited for the message and you respond “I’m good… how are you?” and they say “I’m good… I miss you.”

If you’re the type who’s quick to tell your partner “I miss you”, “I love you” etc. You need to understand that an overdose of these phrases can have a deleterious effect on your relationship.

At some point in your life, you’re going to fall hard for someone. It’s inevitable. But no matter what, you shouldn’t prematurely tell your partner how you feel about them because more often than not, it’s going to ruin things. And more importantly, your partner needs to prove that they’re worthy of hearing how you really feel about them.

When you’re absolutely sure that your partner is the one – not because you have a good feeling – but because they’ve shown over time to have the qualities you admire and respect in a significant other. Then at that point, it’s appropriate to truly express how you feel. And after a romantic night, when you finally say “I love you” for the very first time, it will really mean something to your partner, and their natural response will be “I love you too.



Posted by on June 29, 2017 in random thoughts


Warmth Of Love

I wake up each day to the warmth of her love, arms around me , holding me close .

I feel a tingle , my lips curve into a smile, feeling the heart that beats for me, my face touch his chest.

I pamper the child , that she is ,thanking god for this ethereal bliss .

I kiss her awake with a little pat ,looking at me she gently smiles .

I blush …..

Eyes looking away .

This is how it was yesterday ,

How it is today,

How I wish it be when –

I wake up each day to the warmth of her love 

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Posted by on June 28, 2017 in poems


The Power Of Red

I dropped the pen and paper on the coffee table and stood up.

“What are you doing?” he asked and a mixture of gray and red engulfed his aura.

I put my hands on my hips. “Since you’re not exactly forthcoming with this, I’m going to test my theory on red. Are you going to let me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. This was either going to be insanely fun, or a disaster. I was hoping for the former.

His hands raised in surrender. “You’re in charge. Test your theory.”

“Face me,” I commanded with a slow twirl of my finger.

He turned and settled back into the couch, waiting.

I moved in front of him and as I pushed forward, he spread his long legs wider to give me room. I didn’t stop until my knees hit the front of the couch. I pulled the band out of my hair and let the messy curls fall over my shoulders.

Then I leaned forward and reached out, running my hands through his hair. God, but I loved his hair.

He closed his eyes and exhaled. When he finally opened them and looked up at me, the heat in his gaze burned me. His aura was losing gray by the second and the red was only growing stronger. Brighter. His hands balled into fists in his lap and I grinned.

My hands moved to his face, running along his jaw. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feel of his skin. The roughness of the stubble. I opened my eyes and circled his lips with my index finger, pulling his bottom lip down slightly. Red consumed his aura, leaving no trace of fear behind.

His fists opened and he skimmed his palms over my outer thighs, keeping his eyes on me.

My stomach did a few flips at the sensation. I wanted to see how far I could take it. My index fingers traced the shells of his ears before I snaked my fingers around the back of his neck and gently fisted a handful of hair, pulling his head back.

A groan escaped from him and he closed his eyes. He swallowed and his Adam’s apple jutted out and bobbed.

He opened his eyes and watched me through hooded lashes. The red in his aura grew thicker and pulsed.

But I kept going. I knelt down in front of him and his eyes widened, but he didn’t look away.

I placed my hands on his knees and splayed my fingers out over the warm material. My hands moved forward slowly, stopping halfway up his thighs. His mouth opened and his aura heated up, glowing brighter, molten red and alive. I reveled in the feel of him.

My courage surprised even me. He admitted his feelings and it empowered me. It was a beautiful high I hoped to never come down from.

Ever since the first night I saw him, I wanted a moment like that. If I thought I was turned on by the mere sight of him, then what I felt with him in that moment was far beyond anything I ever felt before. With every cell in my body, it called for him. I fed off his energy and poured it back into him.

That was what it felt like to burn for someone.

Warm hands caressed up and down my arms and I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensation. When I finally opened them, he was still watching me. I ached for his hands to touch me. Everywhere. And my belly tightened in the sweetest way. It made my mouth water.

Fingers followed the curve of my shoulders to the back of my head, sending shivers through me. My eyes slid closed and I focused on breathing.

Something sounded off in the back of my mind. I should stop, slow down. But I pushed it behind a door and locked it, refusing to back down from something so amazing, so soon.

I crawled up in his lap and he gasped, his aura nearly exploding as I straddled him.

The urge to kiss him was so strong; I had to stop myself from closing the distance between us. I’d never kissed anyone before, and I had no idea what I was doing. I wanted him to kiss me like I needed air in my lungs. But except for his hands, he hadn’t moved. I had no idea if he even wanted to kiss me.

Without realizing what I was doing, my arms wrapped around his neck and I ground against him. I gasped, biting my lower lip, feeling his hard length press against me in exactly the right spot.

If moving like that with our clothes on could feel so good, I couldn’t imagine how good it would feel without them.

At first, he didn’t move, but when I ground against him again with a breathless moan escaping my lips, his hands moved to my hips, holding me in place.

I thought he was going to stop me, but he watched me for a moment before he arched up, increasing the friction.

“Oh, god,” I moaned with the same breathless sigh at the pure heat and pleasure coursing through me. It was all I could do to keep from crying out. But I couldn’t stop myself from moving.

He whispered my name. It was an admonition. I reveled in it and watched as his aura burned in a bright red glow that ebbed and flowed and grew brighter with every movement I made.

And I didn’t want to stop.

I knew I had to force myself to stop. If I kept going, I wouldn’t be capable of such a feat. Hovering too close to the edge as it was, I stopped moving, and leaned back a little. My head dropped forward and I panted, trying to slow my breathing. God, but that was intense. I wanted that moment to last forever.

He let go of my hips and touched my face, lifting me so I could look at him. He was panting too. “Wow,” he breathed. Then, in a low voice, he said, “Not that I’m complaining — and I’m not — but what the hell was that? I was about to explode.”

I smiled. “That was me testing my theory. I think I’m pretty sure what red is.”

His eyes narrowed, “Are you sure?”

“I think so,” I chuckled and nodded.

“You should make sure,” he smiled.

My mind was slowly beginning to return from the haze of the moment and I laughed. “I’m pretty sure red means desire, perhaps more. How am I doing?”

“You’re right. There’s a little more to it than just desire, but you got most of it.”

“What’s the rest?”

“It can also mean love. Pink is a precursor to red, so it’s basically the same thing, just on a smaller scale.”



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Posted by on June 28, 2017 in Short Fiction


Love At First Sight

I was never a person who believed in love at first sight. Even as a man who admired film and romance, I thought the idea was preposterous. I mean, how could you love someone you knew nothing about? Maybe I was just jaded from being alone for far too long.

I spent my free time trying different dating sites hoping to find something worthwhile but even I knew those chances were slim. Each interaction was as empty as an old town mall. Conversations always began and ended with pillow talk or sexual innuendos. I told my friends I was looking for something but truth was, the dating apps were my excuse to not go out and actually search for love.

The past few relationships I had been apart of left me scarred with a bitter taste in my mouth. To be fair, it was partially my fault. I knew I was born in a generation of people who were far too “cool” to show love and affection and yet I still held on for hope. Friends with benefits was the new fad and no one was ready to commit. When those few people did commit, they didn’t hesitate to throw you by the waste side when times got tough. I knew in my heart, eventually the day would come when I would go out looking again but I didn’t realize that day would come so soon.

It was a cold winters day when I decided to get out of the house because I couldn’t stand another minute alone and just drove. I went a few cities over and cruised downtown until I found somewhere that caught my eye. The streets were packed, which made me quickly realize it was market night. People covered every street corner, searching for unique and creative things to buy.

I parked my 95 Nissan Altima in the farthest parking spot available. Not because I was a fan of walking but because my car had seen better days and I didn’t want to be spotted with it.  I noticed this back alley that had a beautiful archway. The surrounding area was covered with plants, including these vibrant sunflowers. I saw a few old fashioned style tables outside and above them was a sign reading “The Red Cafe”.


I entered the desolate cafe and ordered myself a hot chocolate. I know, what person orders a hot chocolate at a cafe but I did. I’ve never been the biggest fan of coffee. I thought of sitting inside but it was such a beautiful day, so I made my way to the outside tables. As I sat at my table, I took a quick glance around to see if I was blessed with some solitude and as my head began to turn back toward my drink, my eye was caught by this woman sitting just a few feet from me. She, just like me, was also drinking a hot chocolate.

I had completely lost myself in her eyes. They seemed so infinitely beautiful, like the stars in our endless galaxy. I walked over to her and thought of a million smooth things to say but ended up with “That’s a hell of a hot chocolate isn’t it?”

She smiled, quickly remarking with “Why yes it is but I bet it’s better with company. I’m Kanika  and you are?”

“Ajay Vyas , but I go by my pet name Aj.”

And so, our conversation started and furthermore, our night began.

She had such an unorthodox way about her. She didn’t try too hard to be funny and yet I caught myself smiling as she finished every sentence. Her brown hair, smooth like silk, floated in front of her face. It was honestly my only complaint, as it hid parts of her face and something as beautiful as her should be shown in her entirety. I caught her joking a few times about being a little bit on the thick side but my eyes were so focused on hers, that I could care less about thickness or a lack of it. I just wanted to freeze that moment. Every second of it because it felt so perfect. It felt so right to be outside that cafe sharing a hot chocolate with her.

Our night came to a close and as I walked her to her car, I asked for her number. Our eyes met one last time and then I began to walk back to my car. I hoped she would get in her car and leave without seeing my old beaten ride but she waited. As I opened my car door, I heard her yell something from across the parking lot.

“If I would have known you drove a ’95 Nissan Altima, I would have invited you over to my place!”

I laughed, responding with “Do you believe love at first sight?”

“Not until I met you,” she said faintly.

I couldn’t hear her but I read her lips as if I was reading her mind. I quickly smiled and yelled back, “You’re perfect!”

And she was perfect. I realized that it wasn’t about fitting the definition of perfect that society has given us but rather, seeing that she is perfect in every way for me. I always wondered what love at first sight would be like and it was much more simple than I imagined. It was a woman holding a hot chocolate outside a cafe on a winters day.



Posted by on June 27, 2017 in random thoughts

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