14 Jun

“You promised me that you would be here on time,” I said. Trying my best not to scold at him. “I’ve been here for an hour already.” I tried my best not to look bothered. I look directly into his eyes but he did not look back at me. He used to do it before though. He will look at me with his loving eyes and sorry face. Not now and I don’t know what happened. He just seems so different from before.

We were in our favorite cafe. The place where we first met. Then I looked at his hands, I saw him holding a pack of cigarette. He lit it and smoked in front of me. ” You promised me that you would stop smoking,” I said. Trying not to sound too irritated and exhausted at the same time. I was waiting for him to say sorry. I was waiting for his loving eyes to look at me. But he did not.

I sighed. Because that’s the only thing that I can do. “You know how much I hated its smell. Don’t you remember?” Then, finally .. He looked at me. And to my disappointment, he said “No, I don’t remember. ” My world just fell apart. I was sitting in front of the same man who promised me that he will stop smoking, just so he can kiss me. The same man who said that my kisses were better than cigarette. The same man who said that my kisses were more addicting than the cigarette. He looked away and stared outside. As if, it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Was there something wrong?” I asked, even though my heart was pounding so hard. He continued to smoke in front of me, and by the look on his face; I think he’s not planning to stop. He’s not going to stop even if I tell him to stop. Still, I tried my best to light up the mood. ” Was there something that’s bothering you? Tell me, was there — ” He looked directly into my eyes and said ” You. ” My heartbeat stopped for a nanosecond. Trying to process that single word that he just said. I fixed my eyes at him, trying to tell him that I am hurt with what he just said. Then, he continued talking, still looking at me and he said ” You love me and that bothers me. “

Suddenly, I feel like I was in a horror movie. I am feeling scared, terrified and confused. It feels like the man in front of me was trying to steal my life. I gathered up all my courage and talk. I looked directly into his eyes and I don’t mind if he can see my tears start falling. I smiled and said ” Well, you love me too but that doesn’t bother me at all. ” I looked like a pathetic idiot. I reached for his other hand and look at his eyes. ” You said you love me too, right? ” I hold his hand tightly and whispered, ” Don’t you remember? ” I can feel my tears start falling so hard. He removed his hands from my hold and put his cigarette in the ashtray. He starts to look at me and from that moment, I wished I could take back the question that I just asked. Because I know what he’s going to say. I know I will not like his answer. I looked intently into his eyes. I was hoping that he could see in my eyes the answer that I want to hear.

But, his gaze did not change. It was the same gaze that he’d given the moment he entered the cafe a while ago. It was so different from the gaze that he gave to me the moment we first met at this same cafe. I reached for my bag, wiped away my tears and stand up. Ready to leave the cafe. I don’t need to hear his answer because I already know it. In his eyes, I found the answer.


Posted by on June 14, 2017 in random thoughts


13 responses to “Lies

  1. hati03nisa

    June 14, 2017 at 5:39 PM

    Did this happen to someone you know??
    Such an asshole he is, because even breaking up has its own manners. He could explain her directly whats wrong. Now she ll think that she isn’t good enough for anyone;
    Beautiful written, loved it

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jrusoloward

    June 14, 2017 at 5:45 PM

    Wow. Well written. You took us through her journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Heart to soul.

    June 14, 2017 at 6:00 PM

    I feel like crying for her! I don’t know why but after reading this I feel a strange storm inside me.
    However, it is difficult to potray a girl’s emotions specially when you are a boy. But, you are absolutely phenomenal. Just wow! 😊☺️

    Liked by 1 person


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