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Monthly Archives: July 2017

Who is God

All life creates. The birds build nests, the bees make honey…the ants, anthills. But it is us, human beings, who are capable of creating things more powerful than ourselves! We cant really fly, so we made airplanes & rockets, we cant “chat”with people a million miles away, so we devised the internet & the telephone; we cant do enormous calculations in milliseconds, so we made calculators & computers…..

We cant maintain order in this population of 7 billion, we couldn’t, even when we were just a fraction of this number, so, we made RELIGION. Religion governs us like no other system does. It dictates not only what & when to eat & drink, how to dress, whom to interact with & whom to look down upon; but also lays down a moral and political code of conduct that no “righteous” man may digress from.

But that is not where God belongs! Where religion stands today, the Church, the Temple, the Mosque are no more than political parties looking out to enhance their vote-banks.

Man created this God, and now expects Him to protect him.

This God that we worship and fear, we also treat like a Jinn…every time I observe someone pray, I basically see them asking for something..some wish they want Him to fulfill.

That’s not my idea of God. To me he is but a concept, a positive energy that radiates from all that there is, on Earth and in space. I talk to Him sometimes, the way one would, to his dearest confidante. But I don’t blame him when things don’t go my way, nor do I expect Him to miraculously make it right while I watch like a mere spectator. I often find myself speaking into space, “There are too many people expecting too much of You, always wanting….I am not going too be another one bothering you.”

After all, your life your life is yours to live, and if believing gives us strength; you’d rather believe in Yourself…and then, He’ll always be your friend, …………

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2017 in random thoughts

 

When I Met God

Yesterday, I sneaked out of the house just to have a smoke. Like always I climbed on to the roof. I loved looking at the stars and the moon while I took my puffs. Yesterday was different because I would have unexpected company.
There are three ways to get in the roof. One is to use of a ladder, the second is to grab a ledge and pull yourself up and the third is to climb up the tree adjacent to my home and get on to the roof from there with the help of an over hanging branch. The ladder would be too noisy and I wasn’t feeling like using the ledge so I climbed the tree. When I got onto the roof, I saw someone sitting on the corner. I wasn’t really surprised meeting a stranger on the roof in the middle of the night and I rarely get spooked.
So I asked “Hey, what are you doing up on my roof?”
She replied calmly “Same as you, came here for a smoke, Do you have a light?”
I handed the match box to her. I took out a cigarette and placed on my lips.
She looked at me and said “You should quite smoking those, it will kill ya?” I was a little surprised I said “Really?” She continued “Try this, it is a lot healthier.”
She lit up a roll, took a drag and handed it to me, I too took a drag and so we went back and forth till we smoked up the whole joint. I must say, it was really good stuff.I don’t know how long we sat there enjoying the trip.
She took out a bottle of water from the bag next to her and offered, I took the bottle out of her hands and gulped down the water. I handed the bottle to her and said “Thanks”.
I extended my hand and introduced myself to her “I am Rahul, whats your story?”
She shook my hand and in an instant I knew who she was, then she let my hand go and said “From time to time I visit, this planet, like I do so many others. Like you, there are a few to whom I revealed my existence.”
I smirked “Oh, the whole world is aware of your existence. Except for may be the Atheists”.
She smiled and said “You have me wrong. They all have me wrong. It is the Atheists who have the right answer.”
I looked at her puzzled. She continued “You are stubbornly trying to understand what I am or trying to quantify me into concepts that you can currently understand. When you ask an Atheist who is God? He will give you the right answer. He doesn’t know. Neither does anybody, including you? When I showed you who I was,  your mind quickly tried to wrap my existence around a concept that you were familiar with and that was God. Isn’t God just a concept, isn’t he as fictional as Santa Claus as long as there isn’t any quantifiable proof. The existence of the North Pole doesn’t prove the existence of Santa Claus as much as the existence of the universe or life, proving the existence of God.”
I was still confused at the contradiction that was in front of me. “Who are you then?”
She replied “Your mind has the right idea of visualizing me as a female. Isn’t the word female synonymous with mystery? so Label me a mystery if you must or don’t label me at all”.
It became very clear that I don’t know anything, these were things that was beyond me, but I still had to ask “Why me?”
She replied “Why Not? Again, you need reasons, for questions that have none, I am sure your trusted logic is failing you. It is okay not everything has to make sense”.
I asked her “Is it okay that I still believe that you are God?”
She laughed and replied “Choice is yours, expectations isn’t. Bye.”
She disappeared as I whispered “Bye”.

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2017 in Short Fiction

 

It Just Happened

Honestly , I fell in love with you moment we started talking. It

takes guts to call up girl  you have met like 7 hours ago and
you are madly in love with. But Oh Man! The whole idea of just
silent stalking was killing me inside. Your voice was so
enchanting and it just blew my mind. With you , I really don’t
have to pretend to be Free or Busy. Because When I’m free we
are talking and when we are busy , well priorities do matter a
lot. You always make me feel special with your cute
Smile . Be it Your  smile or your  big eyes , and my
raunchy comments on you and using different means for
irritating you. The virtual hugs and kisses are so cute and
worst part about whole long distance relation is that I really
can’t propose you on my knees. I’m just sitting here , thinking
about you. And thinking about different ways of expressing my
feels. I’m not exactly romantic person but I can sum up whole
thing as :-

No matter wherever you are right now.
In my heart you are with me doesn’t matter how.
Your smile makes me my day.
Your cheesy comments and raunchy statements
Your die heart romantic behaviour
It makes me feel special
Like only one in world
And makes me just bury myself in your arms
And kiss you forever , Deep and melting one.
Which will something more than touch of lips.
Hearts maybe.
And I can’t be your friend anymore.
Take it to another level.
Make me your boyfiend…
Please ?

 ANd what she Said :

I will be like perfect wife experimenting with different dishes all the time and then force you to eat it and spend hours indiscussing how many kids I want or which car. I’m ready to behave like girlfriend – Make out with you in dressing room ,wear your shirt after nasty sex , Try flirting with other guys just to make you jealous. And there are going to be days when you will buy me pads , eat pizzas with me because I burned the dish , take me home after drinking , wash my clothes ,clean my puke , go and meet doctor with me , be present at my convocation , Share a kiss at 31st Dec 11:59. There willbe days when we will be angry and we won’t talk. Probably will be angry but we should remember we don’t have anyother option. It is going to be just us. There are going to be crazy days like Diwali on Holi and maybe Eid on Carva Chauth. If I will fast then you will fast too. Get ready to be in craziest and longest relationship of your life with craziest girl who will fuck up your whole world and probably eat your whole money . Buy yourself DSLR to keep capturing my photographs and be set to travel. I’m totally in love with you !

 
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Posted by on July 29, 2017 in random thoughts

 

 I think love is all about finding your best friend

​It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Finding a lover. A person to kiss. A person to go on dates with. A person whose hand you squeeze during scary movies. A person to open your life to, give your heart to, who you can see yourself with, years and years down the road.

But finding that person is scary.
There’s so many rules and restrictions in today’s dating world. A ‘lover’ is supposed to be attractive and sexy and enticing and reliable and romantic and everything we’ve ever dreamed of, right? He/she’s supposed to be this perfect person. But perfection in love? That’s not real. And finding a flawless, completes-me type of person? Impossible. (Thank goodness, because none of us would make the cut.)
That’s why I don’t want something perfect. And why I don’t want a lover. I want a best friend.
I want someone I can be completely myself around. I want to wake up in the morning, hair all sleepy and messy around my face, makeup off, baggy t-shirt on, and not feel like I have to be anything I’m not.
I want someone to laugh with. To stay up late with and talk about dreams. To go on adventures with, big or small. To sip wine and make breakfast together, and feel like we know every little thing about each other’s lives.
I want someone I can talk to openly, fearlessly, about my biggest regrets and future plans. Someone who I can trust. Someone who will be there for me, no matter what, and I’ll return the favor. Someone I can chow down on family size Chex Mix with, someone I can just sit on the couch with and not say anything, but simply enjoy each other’s company.
See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically.
I want a best friend. Someone I can tease, go out drinking with, or stay in and binge-watch Prison Break with. Someone who will give me a genuine compliment when I look my best, but will honestly tell me when I look like sh*t and need to get my butt off the couch.
I want someone who knows all my inner secrets, drama, and proudest moments. Who will go places with me, or take me to dinner and actually talk about things that matter. Who won’t always have to be in charge, have to pay, have to be the one to plan things. But will still do those things sometimes, just because.
I want someone who will make me laugh, drive me nuts, piss me off, but still be my best friend.
And I want to fall head over heels for this best friend.
See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically. (Because that mushy-gushy, intimate stuff will come naturally. Don’t worry.)
I want a best friend—someone I love, yes, but more importantly, someone I can truly know. And someone who knows me, inside and out, flaws and quirks and all my weirdness, yet still chooses to be mine.

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2017 in random thoughts

 

Wishing

Today I wanted to write about a topic that I see not only people around me struggling with, but one that I struggle with myself every now and then.

Wishing
It seems to me that we are often occupied with wishing for things. “If only… then I would be so happy”. “I wish I had her life – I wish things would be so easy for me “. “I wish I could eat whatever I want and stay slim”. “I wish I was smarter”. “I wish I had more time”. “I wish he would understand me”. I wish. I wish.
Ever since  I moved to New Delhi, people frequently tell me they’d like to swap lives with me because I have “such an amazing life” (according to my pictures on Facebook/Instagram).
People see me as a very positive person living in a world of “sunshine, rainbows and unicorns”. But boy, I can tell you. In my head, my life is far from perfect too…! YES, I’m often unsatisfied and “wishing” too. To give you a sample of things I was unhappy about last week: I wished I could eat lot of junk food and beer each day without gaining any weight. I wished I was a faster runner. I wished my girlfriend (which I don’t have ) would have some more time every now and then. I wished I could see my sisters a bit more. I wished I had some more time for reading. I wished the weather would be better when my friends would be over to visit me. I wished I could enjoy the nice weather instead of spending my time behind my desk.
We seem to be on this lifelong path of seeking happiness – and mostly focusing on what is not there. We act as being dependent on the chances we get, our circumstances and our “wishes that’ll be granted”.
Lessons learned
I have been reading quite some books on self-motivation, self-improvement and self-development. Honestly, I realize some of you might not be fans of such books, but it has brought me great value (and I’ll share a blog post later with some insights from my favourite book). Reading these books, there’s definitely 3 things I’ve learned:
Too often, we pretend to be victims of our circumstances. As Stephen Covey (one of my favourite authors) puts it: “When life does not go our way or we inadvertently make a mistake, it is so easy to make excuses, place blame on others, or argue that circumstances were against us. But we only progress in life to the extent that we take responsibility for our actions and attitudes, and put forth the initiative necessary to create our own circumstances” and “when we succumb to believing that we are victims of our circumstances and yield to the plight of determinism, we lose hope, we lose drive, and we settle into resignation and stagnation.” The moment we realize we are responsible for our own lives, is the moment we realize we can create and shape our lives as we want it to be.We create our own happiness.Knowing that we are the responsible for our lives we should know that “Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice.” What is crucial here, is that we realize that even in case something bad happens, it is up to us to make the best out of it. And this could be about anything. For example, imagine you lose your job due to a restructuring in your company. It can be devastating. The question is: what do you do next? Will you stay home, on your sofa to complain about the situation, whilst watching some Netflix? Or will you go out and look for new opportunities?Practising gratitude makes us happy. But creating happiness is more than being responsible and “making the best out of life”. Creating happiness, being happy, being joyful,… is as well about realizing your blessings.
Yes, we may be born in “bad” circumstances. We may be unhappy with certain aspects of life. But how “bad” are these things in fact? In case you experienced a traumatic experience, then yes, I agree you will probably suffer from it mentally (and potentially as well physically).
But look around and realize how great your life is. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of people wishing to have what you have. The same is true for me. I indeed have so much in my life to be grateful for. But too often, I forget. And you know what? Science has proven that practising gratitude makes us more joyful and happy. Happiness comes to those who appreciate the present moment, no matter what it looks like. It creates abundance.

Of course, this all sounds nice and amazing. Yet fluffy. So how to put this into practise? Even for me, . “Rainbow, sunshine and stars ”, this seems very difficult. So I did some research and decided for myself to get going some new habits. To create these habits, I will list down the things I wish to do and I’ll start with a period of 1 month to get it going.
What I will do every single day:
Take a few minutes every morning to write down 5 things I appreciate in life to cultivate an air of positivity for myself and people around me. To get started, over the first two weeks, I will post every day a picture on my Instagram to share something I’m grateful for.I will carry a (physical) “token” of gratitude with me (I’ll have to figure out something this evening) to remind me to appreciate the smallest blessings around me. I have food in the fridge, decent clothes to wear and a roof above my head. I have a great job, a phone, an amazing brother (more than a “small blessing” for sure). Whenever I feel the token, I will use it as a reminder to stop, breathe and take a moment to fully experience the emotion of gratitude. In general, I think we should look more at the bright side of life (okay, I realize it sounds cheesy). For example, some of my favourite friends are coming over to new Delhi for the weekend and I’m disappointed it will be raining. I should just turn my negative thoughts (on rain) into: YES, my friends are coming!
I realize this post is -again- becoming longer than I intended it to be. anyhow – to wrap up- it would be really cool if you would join me in my journey and start practising gratitude. I’m convinced it will be a very easy step towards (even) more rainbows and sunshine. So who’s in?!

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2017 in random thoughts

 

My Muse

Hey You …
Yes You , you make me feel things that I shouldn’t. .. I hate you, because you make me stare at my phne for hours…. Because whenever My phone rings I wish it’s you … Because whenever I upload something, I don’t care what people think or how many people have actually seen it coz only yours ‘seen ‘ matters .. maybe a bit more than it should. .. Because every time I don’t speak to you I feel something is missing. … Because everytime you upload a picture with a girl I feel jealous. .. Yes I feel jealous from all the people who gets to be around you everyday and that I can’t. .. I get jealous of the people you talk to coz I can’t even have a proper conversation with you. 

I hate you because I feel happy around you. ..Because everytime I am around you I feel nothing but butterflies. . I just wish I could have you all to myself but that’s a bit selfish of me I guess. .. I wish I am always the person on your last dial , your last post,  your last mention or your last updated but then again that’s not possible.

I hate it when you make me question myself. .. When I conflict with me whether or not I should call or text you … When I see myself in the mirror and hate the reflection in it because I am just not beautiful enough for you to see me … when you make me think everything twice…. I hate it when you are with some other boy and even then I still care… when you just not taking care of yourself and I am scared about your health.

I don’t know what exactly Is that I am feeling. .. And I know it’s wrong for me to feel or think this way. .. Am I being selfish?  Will I loose you? Have I turned crazy?  It’s harmful to think about you whenever or wherever. .. It’s not good to always have your name on my tongue every time I say something. .. It’s bad to have you in my dreams every consecutive nights. ..It’s crazy to have all my status reffered to you!! 
Well Everyday I tell my brain to STOP over thinking every fucking thing… To stop thinking about you. .. To stop taking your name… Stop wasting your time wating for you to reply or call… Stop ruining every other conversation … to stop searching for your face in the crowd … Just stop messing with my feelings. ..But  it only grows .. It’s like my mind, my brain and my soul have started to rebel against me… Like they are on a battle… 
Trust me I am not really scared that you’ll know who you are. .. But I am scared that if I loose this battle the only person at loss would be me … Because I know me .. this is not the first time this happened to me but it’s also not the last time this is happening. . I am scared that I’d stop talking or interacting to you… we would loose what we have. .Moreover I’d loose you … If that happens trust me I’ll recover because I have before. .. But I’d loose a piece of me .. You’d take somethings away which I don’t want to. .. I am just holding onto some pieces of us and hoping these strange feelings vanish away. .. So that I’d have you in my life for a tad bit longer. And I hate you because you inspire some of my writings …..How all of sudden did you became my muse?..and at last ..
Dear No One … I Love you!!!! Maybe more than I could think of .. But I do 

 
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Posted by on July 25, 2017 in random thoughts

 

From A Lover’s Diary-“Yes or may be No”

I felt my head and heart heavy. My hands shivered as I held the phone within my palms. It couldn’t hold that small pound of material steadily. I tried to level the speaker of my phone and my ear. Tears rolled down involuntarily from my eyes, wetting the eyelashes which stood firmly a few moments ago. I was trying to regain my sense back. My mind became so numb that it couldn’t accept any other voice in the universe. “I dont want you. Lets end this” she said
as I despairingly searched for the survival ammunition. The call ended. The phone dropped from my hands and fell onto the bed. So did I.

I scratched my head figuring out the turn of events that betided in the last 300 seconds. I felt that a bomb has exploded and tore me apart, so that I could never revive. “Did she really mean that?” I interrogated myself with thousands of questions. This happens usually. But her tone that day was very unusual. Sort of that specific distancing pitch. I poured out again.

My cheeks were swollen and I looked dull. I tried to remain strong because I had to. It was my first concert and there was a lot of expectations. I feared that her thoughts of haunting me while I perform; and breaking down in front of the crowd would bring down my career. I washed my face, dressed myself up and went to the arena. The stage was set. Guests were coming in. I looked out onto the special

V.I.P seat which I had reserved for her. There was no sight of her. “She won’t come!” I reckoned.

I took a deep breath and entered the stage.

The guitarist started playing the chords and suddenly I saw a familiar face somewhere out in the crowd. Did I see her? Was it my imagination since I was too obsessed with her? Or was it real? I scanned the crowd once again and my eyes caught up with that girl whom I lost my heart to. I saw her seated in one corner of the arena, looking at me, smiling. Nothing could have my day and my first performance better. I started yodelling, constantly varying my pitch and confidently utilising my energy. It was a romantic song and I had never sung it that good. I looked at her, and opened my heart out throught that song. She was looking at me, shaking her head, and a smile playing at the corner of her lips. She bent her face down and and wiped something off her face. Was she crying? Had I really created that much of an impression? Well, the only thing I was sure of, was that she realised how sorry I was for my mistake.

I ended my last bit of the song. The whole crowd stood up and applauded me. I saw her clapping and walking towards the back stage. I didn’t wanna even wait to thank the crowd. I didn’t even wanna wait for the photo session. I didn’t even wanna wait to thank the important people who came to see me perform. I just bowed to the crowd and ran to the back stage.

The whole environment of the back stage was so beautiful. The moon light lit the whole area and made it even more romantic. My eyes automatically started searching for her like a lost child searching for his mother. “There she is” I said to myself, as my vision caught up with the most beauteous girl in my life. The anomalous light of the full moon made her look even more bewitching. I nipped myself to confirm whether it was real or just a dream. I was unable to differentiate between these two, a sort of unfathomed happiness.

She was browsing something on her phone and didn’t give any heed to my presence. I called out to her. No reply. I sat near her and held her hands; but she pushed it away. I held it even more firm enough that she couldn’t escape a second time. She looked right into my eyes and asked

“What?”

“I love you baby” I said.

“Well I dont.” she replied.

“Oh yes you do” I said. “Or else you wouldn’t have come today to see me perform” I was grinning like a dog who got its favourite bone.

She turned her face away. She was smiling actually and tried to hide that from me.

“You can smile. I have no issues.”

“Oh yes I can. My wish” she replied, not ready to give up her girly pride.

I brought her hands to my chest, locked my eyes with her and said, “Baby, This thing inside me wouldn’t have been normal if you weren’t here today. I couldn’t even think about seperating from you. If you will give me one more chance, I will have the privilege of asking you the same, everytime we fight, so that I will love you more and that it’ll be immortal. Will you forgive your hubby for this one last time?

She remained silent and put her head down.

“Baby please” I started again, but was interrupted by her finger which rested on my lips. She held my face and tilted hers. The gap between us reduced to zero. My body quivered as her lips met mine. She kissed me like never before. The warmth of her lips made me realise that I’ll be happy and secure with her. That was her reply.

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2017 in lover's diary

 
 
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