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My Muse

25 Jul

Hey You …
Yes You , you make me feel things that I shouldn’t. .. I hate you, because you make me stare at my phne for hours…. Because whenever My phone rings I wish it’s you … Because whenever I upload something, I don’t care what people think or how many people have actually seen it coz only yours ‘seen ‘ matters .. maybe a bit more than it should. .. Because every time I don’t speak to you I feel something is missing. … Because everytime you upload a picture with a girl I feel jealous. .. Yes I feel jealous from all the people who gets to be around you everyday and that I can’t. .. I get jealous of the people you talk to coz I can’t even have a proper conversation with you. 

I hate you because I feel happy around you. ..Because everytime I am around you I feel nothing but butterflies. . I just wish I could have you all to myself but that’s a bit selfish of me I guess. .. I wish I am always the person on your last dial , your last post,  your last mention or your last updated but then again that’s not possible.

I hate it when you make me question myself. .. When I conflict with me whether or not I should call or text you … When I see myself in the mirror and hate the reflection in it because I am just not beautiful enough for you to see me … when you make me think everything twice…. I hate it when you are with some other boy and even then I still care… when you just not taking care of yourself and I am scared about your health.

I don’t know what exactly Is that I am feeling. .. And I know it’s wrong for me to feel or think this way. .. Am I being selfish?  Will I loose you? Have I turned crazy?  It’s harmful to think about you whenever or wherever. .. It’s not good to always have your name on my tongue every time I say something. .. It’s bad to have you in my dreams every consecutive nights. ..It’s crazy to have all my status reffered to you!! 
Well Everyday I tell my brain to STOP over thinking every fucking thing… To stop thinking about you. .. To stop taking your name… Stop wasting your time wating for you to reply or call… Stop ruining every other conversation … to stop searching for your face in the crowd … Just stop messing with my feelings. ..But  it only grows .. It’s like my mind, my brain and my soul have started to rebel against me… Like they are on a battle… 
Trust me I am not really scared that you’ll know who you are. .. But I am scared that if I loose this battle the only person at loss would be me … Because I know me .. this is not the first time this happened to me but it’s also not the last time this is happening. . I am scared that I’d stop talking or interacting to you… we would loose what we have. .Moreover I’d loose you … If that happens trust me I’ll recover because I have before. .. But I’d loose a piece of me .. You’d take somethings away which I don’t want to. .. I am just holding onto some pieces of us and hoping these strange feelings vanish away. .. So that I’d have you in my life for a tad bit longer. And I hate you because you inspire some of my writings …..How all of sudden did you became my muse?..and at last ..
Dear No One … I Love you!!!! Maybe more than I could think of .. But I do 

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14 Comments

Posted by on July 25, 2017 in random thoughts

 

14 responses to “My Muse

  1. wordweavesworlds

    July 25, 2017 at 11:02 AM

    These words have been the most magical things to have happened to anyone. :))

    Liked by 1 person

     
  2. Transit Address

    July 25, 2017 at 11:58 AM

    Great blog mate. Good morning 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

     
  3. boundlessblessingsblog

    July 25, 2017 at 12:34 PM

    Great words so well articulated, Ajay.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  4. Mann

    July 25, 2017 at 1:38 PM

    Time is a big teacher and healer…
    So leave everything to it. GO WITH THE FLOW…if it’s meant to be, it is meant to be. If it’s not…it’s NOT.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  5. crystalamayy

    July 25, 2017 at 5:30 PM

    Beautiful as its from heart.even though hate is mentioned a milllion times,I can find only love.

    Liked by 1 person

     
  6. preppypinkpiglet

    July 25, 2017 at 6:38 PM

    Well written 🙂

    https://projectmusings9.com

    Liked by 1 person

     

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