Monthly Archives: August 2017

From A Stranger Lover

I fell for a man with emotions. He wasn’t guarded, wasn’t afraid to cry, and never hesitated to show me that he loved me. every. single. day.

We would go places and he would hold my hand. When we waited in line at the movie theatre, he’d kiss my forehead just because. At a restaurant, he’d sit on my side of the booth and share his fries, or occasionally tickle me, or just nuzzle up to me and put his arm over my shoulders. When I was tired, or frustrated, or scared, or angry, he would talk to me, listen to me, console me with what was on his mind and in his heart.

He was affectionate in all the right ways. He made me feel special, made me feel treasured, made me feel loved, no matter where we were, or what time of day, or who was around.

He wasn’t soft, wasn’t weak, wasn’t ‘feminine’ or ‘unmanly’ or ‘too much’. He was the man who embraced who he was and wasn’t afraid to just be. He loved to love. He loved life. He loved me. And he didn’t change any of that based on what the world thought of him.

But unfortunately, the world looks down on emotional men, on men with feelings, on men who express these feelings openly. The world is biased towards guys that cry, that overthink, that feel. It becomes taboo if you are a dude who does these supposed ‘girly’ things. You are considered weak for being so sensitive.

But the world is wrong.

A man who is emotional, is a man who is bold. He’s unafraid. He’s confident in who he is, even if he isn’t the stereotype. And he has no problem fighting that bullsh*t stereotype.

An emotional man is a man who is secure in himself. He loves loving others, and he loves others the only way he knows how: wholeheartedly and openly.

He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t change, doesn’t hold back. And this makes him an incredible man.

The world loves emotional women  women who feel and are open talking about those feelings. But it’s not the same to be an emotional man. Those men are looked down upon, and they shouldn’t be. They should be praised.

Because an emotional man knows how to love. He is in-tune with his heart, confident, open, and strong. He is worthy of admiration.

He is worthy of falling for, fully and fearlessly.



Posted by on August 29, 2017 in random thoughts


No Matter What The Future Hold I Know I want To Spend It With You 

My love for you is not something that I can even begin to accurately describe. Trust me, I have tried. Tried to put words to the madness. To the complexity of emotions that overwhelm me at the very thought of you. “I love you” is typically all that I can come up with, because it makes a long story short. It sums up the things that I am incapable of summing up.

I cannot even pinpoint the exact moment it happened. The moment I knew you were the person I wanted to grow old with. It was slow, gradual, and then all at once, it just happened. I woke up one morning and I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. My life stopped being my own. I started thinking in matters of “us” and “ours”. We were a collective thing, you and me.

My soul literally felt connected to yours. Our bodies and lives intertwined in a messy chaos. I was a part of you, and you were a part of me. And to my surprise, this feeling continued to get stronger. My love for you seemed to have no limits, no boundaries. It grew and deepened and consumed me. Every inch of my body ached for you. Every thought in my mind pertained to you. And no matter how big my love got, no matter how many times I thought I couldn’t possibly love you any more than I do in this very moment, I was continued to be proven wrong.

For some reason, I am pretty terrible at expressing these feelings. I struggle to make you know, really know, how I feel about you. And it breaks my heart. I wish you could see you the way that I see you. I wish you could feel the way that you make my heart soar with a simple look. I wish you could comprehend the infinite times a day I think of you and smile.

It is difficult for me to express, because it is not something I have ever felt before. It is not something I have ever let myself feel before. But with you, no amount of defense mechanisms could keep you away. You tore down my walls like they were nothing and showed me what it meant to live. Really live.

We have our differences. You are very much a free-spirit, somebody who seeks adventure and refuses to make plans. You can make friends any where you go, with everybody that you meet. I am just a shy girl from Kansas who thrives on routine and freaks out when I am not in control. But this is what I love about us. That we compliment one other. That we make each other whole. That we challenge ourselves to grow and change and go outside our comfort zones. You are the ying to my yang.

I may not have all the answers, and I most certainly am going to make mistakes. But if there is one thing that I can promise you, without any doubt in my mind, is that I have every intention of spending every single day loving you. And learning to do it better and more completely and in the ways that you need me to. Because you are the man I hope to spend forever with. My red string. The love of my life.

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Posted by on August 25, 2017 in random thoughts


Long Distance Relationship

How many of you have been in a relationship where the only big issue was distance? 

The long distance and all that?

Some say its beautiful.

You miss each other, but there’s nothing you can do about it, but to wait. If she is upset, you can’t be there for her, all you want to do is hug her tight and tell her that it’s all going to be fine, but you can’t. Yet you be there as much as you can. You try to make her feel your presence even when you are very prominently absent.

What about when you are upset? she does the same. Though you wish so bad she was there, in person, to be your pillow, you try to be strong.

There are times when you think she is fading away, like when she is busy or you are, and you try so hard to hold on tight to that invisible feeling you feel so strong, try so hard to hold onto her. But eventually, all the insecurities fade away as she reminds you, over and over again, how much she loves you. You wonder how someone could love you so much inspite of all your flaws. You wonder how is it that fairy tales come true. You wonder how she can be so perfect. Then you realise something, That’s how love works. You are just as perfect for him as he is for you.

And after all those months or years, when you finally meet, its an eclipse. Its wonderful. Its beautiful in its true sense. Its indescribable and the world stares at your union. 

That’s what happens when the sun meets the moon, the whole world stares at them in awe.
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Posted by on August 25, 2017 in random thoughts


Vision – A Ray of Hope

‘I want to see you’, he said.

She started with her hair. Pulling out the band with fingers that shook slightly at the thought of what she was on the verge of doing. She pulled out the thin band of elastic and wrapped it around her right wrist, the yellow lines stark against her wheatish skin. The bones on her wrist poked through the double bind, highlighting the fragile structure of her arms. The fragility was quite at odds with her hands. They were, calloused hands, with no softness cushioning the lines that seemed etched into her palms with a harshness that belied her delicate fingers. Chipped nails,  put black nail paint that told stories of nervous tics and shaking hands.

Her hands shook even then, as they travelled down her sides, tracing her slight curves and counting the freckles only she knew the positions of. She traced them mentally, drawing constellations onto her skin,  backstories that made her realize just how disinteresting she was. She had to create her universes to live through because hers wasn’t vast enough for all the living she had to do. The list of names in her head slowly faded as the music took over, the deep bass and overwhelming synth gave her a rhythm to sway to, one to get lost into. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and continued. Her fingers found the edge of her slightly frayed top. It rose slightly every time she put her hands up in the air, and she never really stopped doing that, smiling as she felt a lash of cool air that felt like a taboo against innocuous skin.

But this time, as she raised her hands, the hem of her top was grasped in them. She tugged softly, feeling the gooseflesh trail the fabric as it rose higher, till it reached her face. For a moment, she panicked. She couldn’t see the face in front of her. She couldn’t see reaction. Suddenly, there was no meaning to this entire exercise. She pulled harder, stumbling slightly, till the soft, worn fabric was discarded onto the ground and she struggled against instinct. It took physical effort not to wrap her hands around her middle, but she dug her nails into her palms, leaving crescent imprints behind. She shook harder as she took another deep breath to calm herself down, her smile faltering under the pair of eyes on her.

She traced her sides again, the soft, pallid skin a marked contrast to the dry, warm fabric that covered it earlier. She didn’t have goose bumps anymore, but she still felt uncomfortable in her own skin. Her fingers found their way to the clasp of her bra, and she winced slightly as she felt one of the hooks dig into her thumb. Fumbling, she somehow managed to untangle the metal and cloth, and let it slide down her arms. The cheap lace and satin felt abrasive against her skin, used as it was to soft cottons. She cringed as she saw the virulent pink, darker under the dim lighting, but still much too loud for her. Her shoulders instinctively hunched inwards, and she struggled against herself to straighten them and stand there, apparently uncaring of the fact that she felt more exposed then she had in years. Being undressed by someone was one thing. Undressing herself, exposing herself- if only to one person, left her feeling like she was deconstructing herself.

And, she was, in a way, she realized, as she slid her fingers across the place where the waistband of her skirt met her skin. She was uncovering herself in slow, incremental steps, letting the process stretch out to make it intense, both for herself, and for him. It felt deeply personal, on a level, but she felt completely detached. She wasn’t there. She was just acting out the steps she knew would work.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Her reverie was broken by his ragged breathing. She shook her head slightly and pushed the skirt off, hooking her thumbs through the sides of her flimsy, delicate thong. The soft, billowy chiffon whispered its way down her legs, and pooled around her feet. Her feet, like her palms, were incongruent to the rest of her. Large, broad feet with blunt toes.

Her clubfoot was visible, the lack of a gentle arch had always seemed very telling to her. It always felt like a microcosm of her very being. It functioned well enough for what it was meant to do, but it wasn’t right. It always left a dull ache behind. It wasn’t whole. After a day of running around, and getting all her work done, her feet hurt her. A hurt only she could feel, dulling throbbing moving up from the ball of her foot, up her calves. Being her felt like that, too. A certain emptiness that was replaced with a constant throb of simply existing. Her thoughts always segued into tangents she couldn’t quite complete. It left her unsettled, the very prospect of incomplete thoughts. Sometimes, they were the only things whole about her. She realized she was looking down at her feet again. Another deep breath, and she looked up, realizing she was finally nude.

She stared him in the eye, and started unspooling the constellations she had weaved onto herself. The freckles were woven together with names, and each name had a story. She unfolded each one carefully, and shook off the film of memories that coated them. She took her segueing thoughts, and sluiced them off herself, and they settled on the ground, discarded, next to her skirt. All the dreams that she collected like dark souvenirs rolled off her arms and onto her thighs, and she let all her desires unravel. Every one of her deepest secrets spilled out of her eyes, mouth, nose, ears. They spilled out of her very pores, and she seemed to shrink further as she lost all that weighed her down.

Over time, what she hid had started defining her. She grew accustomed to sheltering herself under the shadows that the awnings of her tiny deceits cast. She convinced herself that she was trying to simple protect the people she loved, and that was the first lie she told herself. It built a base for the twisted, monstrous structure that her life had turned into.

An unhealthy fixation that sapped all the energy she had, trying to sustain it.

She knew it was a dead weight tied to her, dragging her deeper into herself, but she preferred to think of it as an anchor. It kept her grounded, she told herself, as she sank deeper. And suddenly, she let go. Let the structure break. She became visibly smaller, with nowhere to employ the effort she put into maintaining facades.

Feeling emptier than she had in a long, long time, she bent down to the ground where her skirt lay, surrounded by her swirling thoughts. What she was going to do next was possibly the most painful step, but the easiest, for her. She had already let go of all that could possibly be an inhibition for her, and she wanted to get the final step over with. Her hair surrounded her face like a curtain, framing her so that she could look up, but he didn’t realize she could.

She spent longer than necessary rummaging through the skirt’s pocket, simply observing him. She could see the difference in the way he looked at her when she started, and the way he stared now. The simpleminded adoration has changed into something darker that clouded his eyes.

It was fascination.

There was no gentle love or care in his eyes anymore.

Just an animalistic spark.

He wanted more.

He has seen into her, probably more than she meant to show, and of course he wanted more.

She knew the allure of the galaxies that swirled in her, and she knew how addictive the darkness they inhabited could be.

She sighed again, and got up, a small blade glinting in her hands.

She would give him everything.

The sharp scalpel shone under the dim lights, and she gritted her teeth as she started tracing from the tip of her left hand’s middle finger, down her inner up, up to her upper arm, and to her shoulder. The blood seeped out, and she almost lost her grip on the blade because of the slickness on her hand, but she continued. The blade cut deep for something so delicate, and pretty looking, and she smiled to herself. It was funny how she could compare everything to herself. The blood kept flowing out of her, and she continued tracing herself, creating a single, bloody outline onto herself. It crossed her scalp, down the middle of her chest, on her stomach, down one thigh. Then, she changed the hand which held the blade, and traced the right side of her body. When she was done, a fine, geometric pattern on her skin shone wetly, the colour somewhere between rust and crimson.

She gasped at the pain, and he did too, because he saw more than what he wanted to see. She stared at him, and he couldn’t tear his gaze away. She waited till she was sure he couldn’t look away, and started pealing the skin off. Piece, by piece, she pulled it off, the pain overwhelming her into a quiet frenzy. She knew that if she started screaming now, she’d never stop, so she continued, breathing harshly, peeling away faster, still she stood there, her muscles glistening because of the blood and mucus on them. She just stood there for a minute, before letting out a low, throaty wail. She howled for what seemed almost too long, but not long enough. Sobbing, she started tearing her muscles off, little chunks of meat embedding themselves under her nails.

Her fingers kept digging. Probing. She couldn’t stop pulling out large, irregular chunks of herself and flinging them to the ground. He sat there, stunned, his face sprayed with little droplets of her blood that flew out from her broken veins and arteries as she moved. He could see her heart struggling to beat under her ribcage, the immense stress and pressure she was putting on her body visible through how it strained against it’s trappings. Beating so fast, almost as though it wanted to escape. He stared at her in morbid fascination. He wanted to turn away, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. She continued, now pulling at her organs. The kidneys came first, hitting the ground with a soft, splattering sound. Then her liver. Her stomach. Her heart. Her brain. She kept going, till all that was left to her were bones. A final deep breath, as she realized she was finally bare, finally free.

She looked at him through the debris-covered skull that was left of her sallow, worn face. She had finally let go, finally allowed someone in. she let go of all that held her down, all that tried to make her whole. She let go, and she reveled in the emptiness. She savored the air that wafted through her ribs, the absence of a beating heart and pumping lungs leaving her whole self oddly quiet.

She looked at him carefully and saw him barely breathing, barely moving.

He wanted to run.

But he couldn’t.

Because, he had to stay.

He wanted to.

‘Can you see me now?’, she asked

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Posted by on August 24, 2017 in random thoughts


This Is How We Allow Ourselves To Heal


we carry collected pain from so many moments. like the time during high school when you were first made fun of or when you didn’t get a high enough score to be placed in advanced classes. maybe you lost yourself in the transition to adulthood, parenthood, or somewhere else along the way. or perhaps you are experiencing pain from the present moment as life is unfolding in a way that is different from what you had planned.

we all have these moments. some we continue to know because the wounds remain scabbed, fresh, and open; others are faint scars that have healed over the years.

and i believe that like the outside of our bodies that serve as life maps covered with scars from a fishing trip, the first fall on a bike, or stretch-marks after a growth spurt or having your first child; the inside of our bodies carry memories of the experiences we have endured and the emotions we have attached to these moments.

we hold on to the words that hurt us and the disappointments we experienced when the outcome didn’t match our expectations. some people might carry pain, discomfort, insecurities and challenging emotions that come from enduring significant trauma in their life. others might carry the heaviness that accompanies feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, loneliness, or a lost sense of purpose.

perhaps you are familiar with the sting of shame that presents itself in a wave of heat that takes over your body or knots in your stomach from feeling unworthy or never enough. and we all carry the pain from the heartache of lost love- whether that loss be from an imagined life dream, intimate relationship, friendship, goal, pet, or family member. our bodies store the emotions we experience and our minds collect all of the words that we consciously or unconsciously think. the sum of all of these experiences equate into who we are in this moment.

and sometimes the present moment is messy. sometimes we have mascara running down our face or we push back tears of frustration that we’ve been fighting with for far too long. and while the present moment can feel like too much to endure, endless, or unbearable, we often feel forced to pull it all together with a smile on our face because showing up honestly and openly feels too revealing and uncomfortable.

so we show up in altered versions of ourselves and we act in ways that we do not fully understand

perhaps through increased alcohol consumption, restrictive eating habits, self-harming behaviors, or spending time with people who only pull you farther from your goals. we cover up insecurities through mistaken gestures of love or lose ourselves in misguided attempts to find happiness through busyness, people pleasing, productivity, or materialism. we search for reassurance, validation, and self-worth through other people’s approval, the numbers on a scale, or they way our clothes fit us. and still, something remains missing.

whether it be in large or small ways, these little bits of darkness that accumulate along the way begin to cloud our hearts and chip away at our self-worth, self-love, and inner light.

but the truth is, the world needs your brightness.

you need your brightness.

i know this because i know what it feels like when we go dim. our insides start to feel like a deserted, musty old attic room that aches for a little sunlight and fresh air. you start closing doors and boxing yourself in. you begin to feel like you’re living in a way that’s smaller than you actually are. maybe you’ve heard the little whisper in your heart or ringing softly in your ears reminding you that you are so much more than the present moment. that your life, your deepest radiance, is one of greatness and eternal love.

and if any of this holds true for you, you haven’t lost who you are, you’re just finding your way.

there is a deep calling to self-love within each of us, if only we would get quiet enough to listen, patient enough to try, and enduring enough to persevere.

self-love is a fluid process that ebb and flows and because it is ever changing, it’s something we must work on daily. if you aren’t familiar with the shift from inner criticism to celebrating your worth, there are many ways to start:

1. you can start by honoring who and where you are.
 begin to learn about the messages you tell yourself and gently consider where it is you find your worth- perhaps it comes from the attention you receive from the people around you, in your productivity, accomplishments, or ability to please others. get curious about your sadness, internal pressures, or constant worrying and perfectionism. maybe it is about making a decision to stop allowing your past to dictate your future while still honoring where it is you come from. you can start by allowing yourself to be exactly who you are in this moment without calling for a need to change or be anything different than you are. and begin to know that who you are is enough and that you have everything within you to become everything you aspire to be.

  1. you get curious about who you are and who you pretend to be in order to meet other people’s start observing the comparisons you make or the put-downs you mutter about yourself or others. you watch your unkind judgments and assumptions of strangers and recognize that your perception of others is often a reflection of yourself and the way you are feeling. and during this process, you give yourself permission to gently exit people from your life and make peace with the fact that some relationships and people are not meant for you. you recognize that perhaps inner growth will take place in the letting go, the moving on. it means you lean into the guilt you experience when saying no to others so that you can start to say yes to yourself.
  2. you improve yourself through kindness.kindness towards your body and love to your soul. self-love is a practice that includes the way you view yourself when you look into the mirror, the way you talk to yourself in the secrecy of your mind, and the way you nourish yourself throughout your days. the movement towards self love is showing yourself the same compassion, understanding, and kindness that you would treat your dearest friend. its a process of forgiving flaws and owning up to mistakes. so maybe you are kind to yourself by taking a nap in the middle of a sunday afternoon when the sun is shining into your window just right even though you have a million other things that need to be done. or for you, it might be about increasing your awareness of the background noise of anxiety that attempts to drown out your sense of enjoyment and play. it’s recognizing that you are worthy and deserving of the happiness that comes your way and not allowing your mind to rob you of the joy, gratitude, and contentment of the present moment out of fear of future what-if’s, anxieties, and catastrophes.
  3. you practice things that bring you joy, calmness, and start listening to the quiet inner voice that knows your heart and the sweetness that you need. maybe you need a day full of pajamas and blankets or an afternoon of laughter with friends. you begin prioritizing your well-being and understand that you’re most capable of offering the purest love to others when you develop that same love for yourself. i journal. drink tea. read. exercise. i practice yoga and meditate, and sometimes i eat five chewy chocolate chip cookies in a row. i honor my need for personal time and get curious about times when i feel anxious, incompetent, or upset. i share my insecurities and ease in to vulnerability. and when you practice self-love you become selective of the way you spend and give of your time. you stop collecting other people’s negativity and make a decision to be soft and patient with yourself.
  4. you allow yourself to heal.and healing can be uncomfortable. our individual experiences of healing will take different paths and different amounts of time, and all of it is necessary for our journey. you welcome the raw and truthful expression of emotion and you promise to be gentle with yourself as you grow. there is no time limit on healing and you allow yourself to take as long you need. it will be a long and windy road filled with detours of disappointments or a return to old behaviors, but you continue to try. sometimes self-love is about allowing yourself to face your sadness, to speak your hurts, and to sit with your feelings. sometimes self-love is recognizing all that you have endured. its looking for those little glimmers of hope that present themselves to us in the darkest of moments.

so i support you to grow in love towards yourself. i challenge you to ask yourself where it is that you hurt and why. talk if you need to or write if the words flow more easily that way. and if the tears come, let them. i encourage you to be a little more gentle, patient, and accepting of your best effort as you try.

you are wonderful and capable and kind.

and you are deserving of your love.

Orignal Source Unknow to me 





Posted by on August 24, 2017 in random thoughts


​What we should look for in our lover

It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Finding a lover. A person to kiss. A person to go on dates with. A person whose hand you squeeze during scary movies. A person to open your life to, give your heart to, who you can see yourself with, years and years down the road.
But finding that person is scary.
There’s so many rules and restrictions in today’s dating world. A ‘lover’ is supposed to be attractive and sexy and enticing and reliable and romantic and everything we’ve ever dreamed of, right? He/she’s supposed to be this perfect person. But perfection in love? That’s not real. And finding a flawless, completes-me type of person? Impossible. (Thank goodness, because none of us would make the cut.)
That’s why I don’t want something perfect. And why I don’t want a lover. I want a best friend.
I want someone I can be completely myself around. I want to wake up in the morning, hair all sleepy and messy around my face, makeup off, baggy t-shirt on, and not feel like I have to be anything I’m not.
I want someone to laugh with. To stay up late with and talk about dreams. To go on adventures with, big or small. To sip wine and make breakfast together, and feel like we know every little thing about each other’s lives.
I want someone I can talk to openly, fearlessly, about my biggest regrets and future plans. Someone who I can trust. Someone who will be there for me, no matter what, and I’ll return the favor. Someone I can chow down on family size Chex Mix with, someone I can just sit on the couch with and not say anything, but simply enjoy each other’s company.
See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically.
I want a best friend. Someone I can tease, go out drinking with, or stay in and binge-watch Prison Break with. Someone who will give me a genuine compliment when I look my best, but will honestly tell me when I look like sh*t and need to get my butt off the couch.
I want someone who knows all my inner secrets, drama, and proudest moments. Who will go places with me, or take me to dinner and actually talk about things that matter. Who won’t always have to be in charge, have to pay, have to be the one to plan things. But will still do those things sometimes, just because.
I want someone who will make me laugh, drive me nuts, piss me off, but still be my best friend.
And I want to fall head over heels for this best friend.
See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically. (Because that mushy-gushy, intimate stuff will come naturally. Don’t worry.)
I want a best friend—someone I love, yes, but more importantly, someone I can truly know. And someone who knows me, inside and out, flaws and quirks and all my weirdness, yet still chooses to be mine.

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Posted by on August 23, 2017 in random thoughts


Couples Are Too Quick To Say ‘I Love You’ And It’s Causing All Kinds of Problems

Nowadays… a guy will meet a girl, exchange numbers, send flirtatious messages, go on several dates, ask her to be his girlfriend… and in a few months, they’ll say they’re in love. Like, they’ll literally spend all night talking on the phone and at the end of the conversation, he’ll say, “I love you” and she’ll say “I love you too.”


Or better yet, she’ll call him when he’s with his friends, and at the end of the convo, she’ll deliberately say “I love you babe” … just to see if he’ll respond… and he’ll whisper surreptitiously “I love you too.” And his friends will laugh and carry on.

In all seriousness, though, love isn’t a trivial thing. You can’t fall in love with someone after a kiss or a romantic getaway. Love is a process that requires patience, consistency and proactivity. It takes time to fall in love with someone and your partner has to earn the right to hear those three words “I love you”.

Here’s the thing, when you prematurely tell your partner ‘I love you,’ they’ll inherently begin to wonder if you’re clingy. Listen, trust me, you don’t want to come off as being clingy. That’s the quickest way to turn off someone.

Now, apart from the whole clingy issue, when you hastily tell someone you love them, they’ll subliminally begin to take you for granted. In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

After a while, the guy doesn’t make the effort to go out for dinner anymore, because he’s busy with work… All of a sudden he’s busy with work. And the girl, well, she used to spend hours thinking about her outfit. She wanted to make a good impression, and so she put effort into date night. Now, if she’s had a stressful week she can’t be bothered to because she’s too tired to go out.

In essence, you’ve effectively put them on a pedestal and they’re likely to become complacent.

And the list goes on and on.

There’s a time and place for everything. You can’t afford to make the mistake of expressing certain feelings ahead of time. The “I love you” blunder is the biggest error you can make, but other phrases are detrimental.

Imagine, you met someone and things are going great. You’ve know them for about 2 weeks or so. But for some reason, you never got the chance to speak to them on Friday. Let’s say the next day, they send you a text “Hey, how are you?” You’re really into them, so you’re excited for the message and you respond “I’m good… how are you?” and they say “I’m good… I miss you.”

If you’re the type who’s quick to tell your partner “I miss you”, “I love you” etc. You need to understand that an overdose of these phrases can have a deleterious effect on your relationship.

At some point in your life, you’re going to fall hard for someone. It’s inevitable. But no matter what, you shouldn’t prematurely tell your partner how you feel about them because more often than not, it’s going to ruin things. And more importantly, your partner needs to prove that they’re worthy of hearing how you really feel about them.

When you’re absolutely sure that your partner is the one – not because you have a good feeling – but because they’ve shown over time to have the qualities you admire and respect in a significant other. Then at that point, it’s appropriate to truly express how you feel. And after a romantic night, when you finally say “I love you” for the very first time, it will really mean something to your partner, and their natural response will be “I love you too.



Posted by on August 22, 2017 in random thoughts


Relationship And Marriage

We are created to relate with others. Of all relationships, one that is based on romantic love takes all that is “us’ with it. Once we get in, we have great hopes and expectations and never imagine that anything can bring such connections to a dead end. Nobody gets into love relationship and more so marriage hoping that it will end soon.

What a shock it is when we watch what we have built starting to crumble. We enter into uncharted waters and struggle to withstand the roller coaster. The bliss morphs into darkness and soon a long path similar to one in long and dark cave begins.
The emotions range from anger, unbelief, disappointment, and disillusionment. The pain of losing a lover and a friend takes over. Tears become a constant companion and joy of life slowly ebbs away. People enter into moments of denial and respond to the impending pain in a variety of ways.
To some people, the dying relationship is too much to bear. They go to the extreme and make decisions that not only destroy themselves but destroy others too.
1. Promiscuous life – When relationships end, some people think that they can inflict hurt by letting lose. The offended start entertaining sexual flings to prove that they are still on demand and marketable. They post photos of their encounters on social media hoping that those who walked out will notice and act. They visit same social clubs like their former lovers so that they can prove a point.
These decisions made in the fit of anger do not add any value to an already crumbling relationship. Flings and one night stands are not a wise option. Actually, they might just confirm why someone had to walk out.
The sexual pleasure might soothe the pain for some time but can also lead to unplanned pregnancies and infections. Furthermore, what do you do if the relationship is restored? Never sacrifice your life, honor and dignity on the basis of a broken relationship.
Watch out because there are those who will take advantage of you. They will not offer you a solution but will be out to satisfy their fleshly needs in the name of providing a shoulder to cry on.
Rebound relationships may not help either. They look great at the start but fail miserably since  their foundation is not genuine love. When the pain eases, eyes get opened and people realize that that is not what they really want.
2. Hitting the bottle or doing drugs – Those who have not been drinking start while those in the habit escalate it. They do this to lessen the pain and hope that the alcohol or drugs will push the reality away from them.
This habit might seem to work in the short term but in the end it is hollow and empty. It comes with the risk of addiction and lawlessness. Those high on drugs or alcohol are likely to escalate a conflict into violence against themselves, others, or property.
Anything that would destroy your life or cause you to destroy the lives of others is not welcome. Remember, alcohol/drugs cannot be used to justify evil.
3. Destroying property – Another extreme reaction to a dying relationship is destruction of property. Some people choose to destroy property like cars and houses. Others burn clothes of their partners or breakdown gadgets like mobile phones and laptops. They disfigure vehicles by spraying them with abusive graffiti.
They imagine that by destroying property they will teach the other person a lesson. If they had contributed in the purchase of the property, they feel so aggrieved and would rather destroy it other than leave to the other to enjoy.
What many fail to remember is that destruction of property is a criminal offence that can put one in worse trouble. You can end up in jail in the name of settling scores.
4. Violence – Closely connected to destruction of property is violence against others. This results in injuries and even death. People have lost lives as houses and vehicles were torched, heads decapitated, and bullets fired. In some cases, small babies have borne the brunt of violence as their parents target them to prove a point.
Wives have been known to attack their husbands’ mistresses and scald them with hot water or splash their faces with acid. All this is done out of anger and great disappointment. Some men sexually assault their daughters in twisted way of trying to hit back. There are those who hire goons to attack or kill the offender.
Violence against others is not acceptable. It is criminal to attack another person because of a sour relationship. It is never right to hurt others no matter the magnitude of anger. Children especially, are innocent victims caught up in the ruckus and should be protected at all times.
5. Suicide – To others, the pain of a broken relationship is so much that they choose suicide—hanging, taking poison, stabbing, and jumping/driving off a cliff, drowning, or shooting. To such people, life loses meaning and all hope is gone.
This is a permanent solution to an issue that is not good enough to take away life. The pain is there but even if the relationship never gets sorted, life gives the living opportunities to rectify mistakes or another chance to love a different person. The dead cannot enjoy second chances.
Those who commit suicide hope to inflict agony on the living. This happens for some time but thereafter, life moves on as usual. The living lover rediscovers his or her groove, gets another lover and remarries. Eventually, the biggest loser is the one who committed suicide.
No matter the investment, a broken relationship is not worth the price of death. Why would you deprive your children the joy of having a dad or mother just because what you expected has been blown up? The disenchantment is understandable but killing yourself is the utmost extreme.
Some thoughts on what one can do when a relationship hits a dead end:

• Keep communication lines open – most conflicts escalate when small gaps are not addressed in time and soon become chasms that cannot be overcome. The best way is to keep talking as issues arise and not wait until they pile up. When lines are open, matters are cut off before they get to a point where extreme measures are taken. Learn to forgive, release and reconcile.

• Seek counsel – there is nothing wrong in seeking counsel when matters turn south. Many times, a third person will help in bringing objectivity into an issue. Talking to someone is not exposing your relationship but it is being responsible enough to do everything to preserve it. You can talk to a confidante, a counselor or a spiritual leader. Never make a drastic decision before you talk to someone else.

• Walk out – when things are not working out, there is nothing wrong in walking out for a moment. There are times that one tries everything under the sun but things don’t seem to improve. In such cases, the person does not need to resort to violence, suicide or homicide. Walking out leaves you free of crime and offers another chance for a better relationship in the future. Don’t wait to be walked out in a coffin.

• Pray – never underestimate the power of prayer. Those who believe in God can always pray for Him to intervene and help them have a healthy relationship. Spiritual matters require spiritual treatment. The devil attacks marriages and the best antidote is for the couple to join together and fight him instead of fighting each other. Talk with God…nothing is impossible with Him.God wants marriages to work so keep bringing it to Him. God can heal any relationship and transform it into a healthy one.
Remember that:

Don’t destroy your own life

Don’t destroy another’s life

Don’t destroy property

These are my personal thought and observation around me don’t take this personally

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Posted by on August 22, 2017 in random thoughts


I will only write about you with or without choice. 

I like dark more than you love her but I love you more than I like the dark. I don’t know how long I will write about you but till that end I will only write about you with or without choice. 

I am a very sad sick person who only write about anxieties, depression, accidents and on sad topics like ‘you’. And I am somebody who doesn’t even know myself, I’ve no idea. Tonight I felt like crying but I didn’t see any reason that would make me so, I didnot cry but I wish I had.

 I am sorry for praying to God to take you away.

 I feel like my time is over but I’ve seen those dead flowers amidst the living’s and I see why its not sad to die, to not mourn about your pain and shred when its time, and to happily fall knowing that you have to end it, someday.

 I sit here by my window, a pen dangling from my mouth, consciously aware of the world that is coated under the night, merry making with the idea that I can see nothing, and its okay. Because all I want to do is not move and write unhesitatingly, constantly and unmoved by any boulders, all my life. I want to write like not a writer but myself, to write like nobody, to write like to put fire and ice together, to write like to throw words fearlessly up on the ceiling and catch it on the throat, to write like fishing during a rainstorm, to write like to cry like a kid when you ignore me, to write not like to see happy faces but looking under that smile, to write like to know that love and hate are two powerful feelings that to nobody comes easy, and to write like to be ready for death whenever it has to come and, that is when I will put my pen down and rest for a while. 

And in like every yesterday, today too I will think about hating you forever for now until tomorrow. Sadly, I think I am never gonna love anybody like this again and worst, I find myself believing it everyday and which absolutely does not mean that I need you because its not somebody, its me, stupid.

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Posted by on August 21, 2017 in random thoughts


Love And Live Like A Legend

​If you had never liked someone or never had a crush on someone, just get out of the computer and start searching for the one. You are just wasting your life thinking that you are going to find the perfect guy or girl for you. To be frank, what you are doing is just searching a pearl in the ocean. Don’t be afraid of break ups or about getting failed, just go there and push yourself as hard as you can. Love is the most beautiful feeling, it can give you tears and smile at the same time. This post, what I am writing is for all the soup boys and girls out there. I would say its mostly for the guys, because I tried to think from a girl point of view but it is much more complicated.

All the soup boys out there, like me, let me get this very straight ,yes you liked a girl and you did all sought of love things to get her but It did not work. I know love is always precious to the person involved in it, you can never compare it with one another and it can never be measured. You can never feel someones pain until it strikes you hard. Crazy things, what you do doesn’t fade away like a formatted USB flash drive, it becomes like a memory virus on to the brain and that gives you pain. A kind of pain which makes your throat dry and uneasy to swallow, a pain that lets you stay awake all through out the night, a pain which makes you look shabby day by day because you stopped giving damn about others, a pain which tells you the world is moving at slower rate than others and a pain which tell you all the girls in the world are like this just because she rejected you. I would say you are wrong. Pain is a by-product of love and it comes for free, blaming it on others will not get you anything. Blaming just gives you a satisfaction saying that you tried your best but she never understood. Pain is like a snake poison, it can kill you or it can be used to cure the cancer inside you, it all depends on how you see it. You can take it, cry all day long or make use of it. Let me tell you something, crying just gets you tears nothing else, not even a fucking glass of water. Pain is nothing but a form of energy it was not created, it was just transformed from your love memories. Don’t waste it by thinking about the same girl or drink yourself to death. It has become a fashion now that, If you face a failure than just get drunk to forget it, thats not at all the final solution. The reality is pain can be used to construct yourself, than to destruct your life. Find your shadow and spread some light over it, make yourself a better human, a better person to be with. Without making mistakes you will never perfect yourself.
Now what you do is put yourself in the girls place, look from her point of view, her expectation and likes might may be way different from what we think.  For example few people like riding a bike than a car, you can never justify that their taste is bad its just they don’t want a car. I guess you would have heard some say ‘ Not everyone gets everything in life ‘, thats true , sometimes how much hard you try, you will never get it, because its just not meant for you and you have to be strong to move on. Every one in your life teaches you a lesson, so did the girl just take it and walk out of her life. Our life is very short if you compare it with time scale of earth, Instead of getting worried about what happened, you can see the positive side of why it din’t happen between both of you. Instead of blaming someone, blame yourself because you started it. Instead of thinking about the way she made you sad, think about the way she made you happy. Instead of spoiling your health, built it up for a cause. Instead of crying for your pain, wipe someone else tears. Smile for what you have and laugh for what you did but get strong and act like a man and let her go of your thoughts.
Well you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go
– Let her go (Passenger)
I am totally against the fact that love just comes only once in your life time, love is like a flower in a plant, when one flower goes down what you need to do is give it some time and space and let the next flower bloom. I know it will be hard, every time you try to get out of it, you will be shattered back to deep darkness. Everything you touch will have her name, everything you hear will have her voice. It will be a tuff ride to come out of it, the more tuff it is the more you have loved her. What you need to get is persistence and will power. Rome was not built in a day and also Rome was not defeated in a day. Everyday when you get up with her thoughts, you will have to fight back with it all day long and by end of the day the victory should be yours and you should win. So don’t worry, just love and live like a legend.

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Posted by on August 18, 2017 in random thoughts

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