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Monthly Archives: March 2018

Proposal

He sat on the shore and let the saline air hit his face and body. The blue light being scattered away, the sky was filled with a red orange glow. The sun was setting into the horizon, creating quiet a scene that no one could resist looking at the beauty of it.

But, his eyes were not looking at the wonderful sight, they were actually staring into the distance. His thoughts were filled with her, her smile, her eyes, her visage. He shook his head trying to clear his mind. “Enough is enough”, he thought.
His vision now not being blinded by his thoughts, he tried to chew in his surroundings. He noticed the light blaze in the dusking sky. It looked like the light was slowly fading, taking away all the beauty from the sky. Something made him metaphorize this to his own life. His thoughts immediately drifted to her. He imagined how his sky would be if his light faded away. The anxiety and the insecure feeling that came from this thought made him realize what a fool he was to let her go. He glanced at his watch, he still had like 15min to reach her, before she left town for college. “If she leaves before I reach her, that’s it she’s gone forever “, he thought. He stood up on his feet, tightened his shoe laces and started running. He ran like his life depended on that. Who is he kidding? Of course, his life depended on it, she was his life. He did not slow down his pace, until he saw the blue Corolla parked outside the gate. He finally saw her, trying with great effort to lift the huge luggage to put it in the trunk. He walked towards her, trying not to attract any attention.
“Lemme do it”, he told and gently grabbed the bag from her hand. She turned around after giving out a loud squeak, shock taking over her beautiful face. He placed the bag on the trunk and looked at her.
“What are you doing here?”, she questioned him, placing her hands on her hips and adding an extra effect to the dramatism.
“Came to see you of course”, he told in a very casual tone with a pinch of desperation in it.
“I thought we….”, she started
“Ended things, I know”, he cut in.
He felt that there was no time to waste or any chances to take. He thought the only option was to do something which would swipe her off her heel. He bent on his knee and held her hand.
“Sweetheart, I know we are terrible for each other. I know we fight every living hour. I also know that this would continue. But I also happen to know that, I am crazily, madly and uncontrollably in love with you and you know why? It’s ‘cuz of the fights we have and the way the intensity of our love grows with each and every fight. I know this is too much but I also happen to know one more thing. I wanna spend my life with you. I want you by my side every single day. I wanna marry you. So please, will you marry me?”, he finished his proposal without a pause and looked at her. He noticed her eyes turn glossy. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but hesitated.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have a ring right now”, he added and looked at her, expectantly. She bent down and slowly, smoothly, swiftly placed her lips over his. Well, that’s all he needed for an approval!

 
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Posted by on March 28, 2018 in random thoughts

 

Loving Someone Is A Bit Like Holding A Small Bird

Once, a bird flew in through an open door of my house and darted frantically around the living room and kitchen. Eventually, it calmed and hid behind a decorative pot on a high shelf. I quietly climbed up upon a step-stool, reached behind the pot and somehow managed to enclose the can’t write down a list of the names (or I should say “the ghosts”) that have told me something and made my face turn red.

I’m being explicit with their word usage. That’s how that magic works. It’s rarely physical. Words can connect us in ways that skin cannot.

Some people invest months telling me every day that I’m handsome. They say I’m sweet and funny. Sometimes, when I’m sleepy or drunk and I talk without having any consideration on consequences, I can be kind of sexy.

Then again I’m going to emphasize that is only the result of combining certain words that somehow make sense.

I’ve been told that I’m kissable, that I’m huggable. I’ve received some invitations to “sleep under a star blanket,” just because “it’ll be cute to live that scenario with me.”

Nobody thinks I’m good enough.

Others have pointed out how lucky will be the person I’ll marry someday. But nobody actually wants to do it.

Nobody thinks I’m good enough. Everybody is pissed at how long I hold a person I have feelings for during a hug. The pitch of my voice is insufferable whenever I say I’m glad, happy or satisfied with the company of a certain person. I’m just too intense for expressing my thoughts and feelings.

And I’m so used to people who vanish, that I’ve learnt to excuse them.

I have this hypothesis where I think I’m a non-solved mystery in the universe. As a result of that uncommon category, people will comment on it and spread the word, after all, they all sound and look interesting.

But the truth is, a quick research washes out every attempt on understanding such an unnecessary answer you could live your life without.

And that’s exactly what I am.

e bird in my hand without it getting away. I could feel its small form fluttering and struggling inside my hand, and I was careful to keep my fingers loosely closed around it so that I didn’t squeeze too tightly while I carried it outside to release it.

Loving someone is a bit like holding a small bird. Care is required in the handling of the bond between hearts. Love’s paradox is that it’s both an incredibly powerful thing, and delicate in nature. Betrayal or neglect are not the only ways that love dies. It can also be smothered or crushed. By clutching out of fear or possessiveness, we may kill it. Negative experiences in past relationships may make us fearful of losing this wonderful love we have discovered, and so our instinct is to grasp tightly. Ironically, this choke hold on a heart can stifle the other person and lead to the very loss of love which we are afraid of.

Embrace your lover’s heart in openness and trust. Hold love softly, and grow confident in the connection you share with them. Give it room to breathe, flutter its wings, and soar freely from your open hands. We cannot force love, but we can nurture it. With that nurture, our love will grow stronger and fly to new heights. Fear constricts our hearts, but trust expands them. Choose to trust love.

 

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2018 in random thoughts

 

If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would Be With You

It’s a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is going to heal your heart a lot faster than simply letting it break over and over until you finally face what you knew all along anyway:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

There are a million possible scenarios here. It’s easier when he’s an asshole – selfish, only thinking of himself, using you to make someone else jealous, using you in general, treating you poorly, crushing you thoughtlessly, whatever. But it’s a lot harder when he’s a good guy, and you still have to let him go. When he tells you that you’re an incredible person, but he just doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Or when he really likes you, but doesn’t think you’re the one. Or when he just doesn’t feel as strongly as you do and he wants to be honest. Or when he can’t seem to make up his mind and feels confused, which he doesn’t yet realize just means that he’s afraid of hurting you, that feeling ‘confused’ just a softer way of eventually saying ‘no.’ If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have had to make up his mind in the first place. It would just be an answer that he felt deeply in his gut.

But regardless, whether he’s a wonderful guy or an asshole or somewhere in between, this is about you, moving on. Because no matter what the situation was, no matter how well he treated you or how much fun you had together or how well you got along, he doesn’t want to be with you. And that’s the truth. And that’s going to be your life raft for the next several weeks or months, no matter how much you don’t want to grab onto it. It is what is going to eventually help you come to peace with the end of your relationship, or the fizzling out of your fling, or the ‘no more talking’ after you guys spent so much time ‘talking.’ It is the truth, and as ugly as it is, it will be the only thing that can help you move on:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

It’s easy to try to soften the blow. He needs time, or he just needs a little space, or he’s just afraid of commitment and I just need to reassure him, or he builds walls and it’s my job to kick through them.

But think about the way you feel about him. How easy and natural and obvious it feels. How you don’t even need to question whether or not you should be with him, because it just feels right in your veins. How, even if you were scared of committing to someone or getting hurt or opening yourself up, you were still willing to do it, because your heart had already made up your mind. You wanted to be with him, so you were. The decision was simple. It really wasn’t even a decision at all.

Now can you imagine feeling all those things but choosing not to be with him anyway?

That’s why your heart is broken. Because he didn’t feel those things. He didn’t feel that same certainty that you did, deep in your bones. And you can’t change that, and you can’t fix yourself, and there’s nothing you did wrong. It’s just the truth. His heart didn’t make the decision for his brain, because his heart is in a different place from yours. And that really, really sucks. And you just have to accept it. And that sucks even more.

Maybe you’ll get over this in weeks, maybe months. Maybe longer. It will hurt, some days will be horrible and some will be okay. But the smallest of silver linings is this: you can let your heart break once – instead of breaking it a million times by convincing yourself that he’s making a mistake or he probably misses you or you should call him. Love yourself enough to be hard on yourself:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2018 in random thoughts

 

3:00 AM

I stare at the skyline

Spread ahead, then disappearing

Lights blinking in and out

Writing stories in the sky

And telling tales I can’t hear

And I think of the ripples of water

In the inky sea, too dark for me

To see anything but wavering

Reflections in; distorted stories

And trembling tales I’ll never know

And all I can think of is the fact

That I’m thankful for the skyline

And the lights

And the stories

And all I don’t know

Because if it was only the sea

Stretching without a break

In front of me, I’d think of things

Like forevers and promises and

You. I’d think of things I can’t have

And I’d think of words that mean

Everything, and nothing

And I’d be a wreck because all I

Know is that infinities scare me.

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2018 in random thoughts

 

The Power Of red

I dropped the pen and paper on the coffee table and stood up.

“What are you doing?” he asked and a mixture of gray and red engulfed his aura.

I put my hands on my hips. “Since you’re not exactly forthcoming with this, I’m going to test my theory on red. Are you going to let me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. This was either going to be insanely fun, or a disaster. I was hoping for the former.

His hands raised in surrender. “You’re in charge. Test your theory.”

“Face me,” I commanded with a slow twirl of my finger.

He turned and settled back into the couch, waiting.

I moved in front of him and as I pushed forward, he spread his long legs wider to give me room. I didn’t stop until my knees hit the front of the couch. I pulled the band out of my hair and let the messy curls fall over my shoulders.

Then I leaned forward and reached out, running my hands through his hair. God, but I loved his hair.

He closed his eyes and exhaled. When he finally opened them and looked up at me, the heat in his gaze burned me. His aura was losing gray by the second and the red was only growing stronger. Brighter. His hands balled into fists in his lap and I grinned.

My hands moved to his face, running along his jaw. I closed my eyes, reveling in the feel of his skin. The roughness of the stubble. I opened my eyes and circled his lips with my index finger, pulling his bottom lip down slightly. Red consumed his aura, leaving no trace of fear behind.

His fists opened and he skimmed his palms over my outer thighs, keeping his eyes on me.

My stomach did a few flips at the sensation. I wanted to see how far I could take it. My index fingers traced the shells of his ears before I snaked my fingers around the back of his neck and gently fisted a handful of hair, pulling his head back.

A groan escaped from him and he closed his eyes. He swallowed and his Adam’s apple jutted out and bobbed.

He opened his eyes and watched me through hooded lashes. The red in his aura grew thicker and pulsed.

But I kept going. I knelt down in front of him and his eyes widened, but he didn’t look away.

I placed my hands on his knees and splayed my fingers out over the warm material. My hands moved forward slowly, stopping halfway up his thighs. His mouth opened and his aura heated up, glowing brighter, molten red and alive. I reveled in the feel of him.

My courage surprised even me. He admitted his feelings and it empowered me. It was a beautiful high I hoped to never come down from.

Ever since the first night I saw him, I wanted a moment like that. If I thought I was turned on by the mere sight of him, then what I felt with him in that moment was far beyond anything I ever felt before. With every cell in my body, it called for him. I fed off his energy and poured it back into him.

That was what it felt like to burn for someone.

Warm hands caressed up and down my arms and I closed my eyes, focusing on the sensation. When I finally opened them, he was still watching me. I ached for his hands to touch me. Everywhere. And my belly tightened in the sweetest way. It made my mouth water.

Fingers followed the curve of my shoulders to the back of my head, sending shivers through me. My eyes slid closed and I focused on breathing.

Something sounded off in the back of my mind. I should stop, slow down. But I pushed it behind a door and locked it, refusing to back down from something so amazing, so soon.

I crawled up in his lap and he gasped, his aura nearly exploding as I straddled him.

The urge to kiss him was so strong; I had to stop myself from closing the distance between us. I’d never kissed anyone before, and I had no idea what I was doing. I wanted him to kiss me like I needed air in my lungs. But except for his hands, he hadn’t moved. I had no idea if he even wanted to kiss me.

Without realizing what I was doing, my arms wrapped around his neck and I ground against him. I gasped, biting my lower lip, feeling his hard length press against me in exactly the right spot.

If moving like that with our clothes on could feel so good, I couldn’t imagine how good it would feel without them.

At first, he didn’t move, but when I ground against him again with a breathless moan escaping my lips, his hands moved to my hips, holding me in place.

I thought he was going to stop me, but he watched me for a moment before he arched up, increasing the friction.

“Oh, god,” I moaned with the same breathless sigh at the pure heat and pleasure coursing through me. It was all I could do to keep from crying out. But I couldn’t stop myself from moving.

He whispered my name. It was an admonition. I reveled in it and watched as his aura burned in a bright red glow that ebbed and flowed and grew brighter with every movement I made.

And I didn’t want to stop.

I knew I had to force myself to stop. If I kept going, I wouldn’t be capable of such a feat. Hovering too close to the edge as it was, I stopped moving, and leaned back a little. My head dropped forward and I panted, trying to slow my breathing. God, but that was intense. I wanted that moment to last forever.

He let go of my hips and touched my face, lifting me so I could look at him. He was panting too. “Wow,” he breathed. Then, in a low voice, he said, “Not that I’m complaining — and I’m not — but what the hell was that? I was about to explode.”

I smiled. “That was me testing my theory. I think I’m pretty sure what red is.”

His eyes narrowed, “Are you sure?”

“I think so,” I chuckled and nodded.

“You should make sure,” he smiled.

My mind was slowly beginning to return from the haze of the moment and I laughed. “I’m pretty sure red means desire, perhaps more. How am I doing?”

“You’re right. There’s a little more to it than just desire, but you got most of it.”

“What’s the rest?”

“It can also mean love. Pink is a precursor to red, so it’s basically the same thing, just on a smaller scale.”

 

 

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2018 in random thoughts

 

Fornicate

I’m captivated by the sight of your body, wet and slippery. Every droplet of water flowing over your curves. Your hands moving over your skin as you wash. It doesn’t take much to imagine my hands where yours touch.

Slipping into the shower behind you my hands cover yours, kissing your neck I grind my hardness against you. No words said, our bodies talk as my hands roam. Reaching back you pull my head closer to your neck as you let out a soft moan.
Your body rocks against me as my fingers enter you, getting harder as I grind your moans loudening. You push against my hand, my thick, rough fingers pushing deep inside you. Our desire building with every second as our bodies share the wet shower, the water making a special friction between us.

Sliding my fingers out your face tells me you want more, hard and throbbing you grasp what you want firmly. Locking ourselves in a passionate kiss your legs lock round me. A moan escapes you and your back arches as my thick manhood pushed deep inside you to the hilt. Breathing hard we grind together, fucking slow and deep until desire takes us. Harder and harder we grind, pushed hard to the wall your body is pounded as my hardness is thrust into you. Stretching and filling you with every powerful thrust your moans turn to gutteral cries of wanton desire.

Our bodies rubbing together, your breasts pushed onto me as we rub together breathlessly, both of us gasping obscenities into each others ear. My hands grip your ass and pull you hard onto me, pushing my cock hard into you as I feel you dig your nails into me. Gasping I feel you shaking, writhing.

The last few powerful thrusts bring us both closer to climax, thrusting deeper as we cling onto each other. Your quakes as you finally climax, Cumming over me . Tipping me over I feel your nails digging harder into my back. Groaning loudly into your ear I finally explode… Throbbing hard inside you neither of us stop grinding. Feeling myself pumping hard inside you, you’re eager for my thick load. Letting go we surrender to our pleasure, never wanting it to stop.

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2018 in random thoughts

 

My Love For You Is Not A One Night Stand

There are many thoughts and fantasies
Wandering in my head.
While I dream about you,
And when I am asleep in my bed,
I wish many things.
I wish with no fear
That right here beside me
You would be here.

I wish you could tell me
In person every day
Just how much you love me.
And never would we say
To go our separate ways.
It would just break my heart
To have to know
That we were apart.

A dream can go
Where a wish cannot.
A dream can bring true
What a wish never thought.
When I dream about you
Youre holding my hand.
My feelings for you;
These I had never planned.

Gazing at the stars
On a dark, cold night,
We utter sweet words
Under the pale moonlight.
If you were here beside me,
I could look at you.
It would all come together;
That you are my dream come true.

I am smiling as I realize
That although we are apart,
It is only in body;
Never in heart.
I hate not having you here,
But I know that some day,
Fate will bring us together
And never push you away.

If I could only see your face,
If I could only feel your touch,
I’d tell you how much I love you.
Is that asking for too much?
I have been thinking about you all day.
I do that often it seems.
But I just can;t help it
When youre in all of my dreams.

Meeting you was fate,
It was a choice becoming your friend.
This relationship between us
I hope will never end.
But when it comes to falling in love,
That was beyond my control.
There is no way to stop these feelings I have
Deep inside my soul.

Will you promise to always be here for me?
Always be by my side?
I couldn’t explain how much I love you
No matter how long I tried.
Even though I have met you
Just a few weeks before,
I have learned so much about you
And want to learn more.

At night I close my eyes,
And in my dreams all I see is you.
My only regret is that
These dreams have not yet come true.
I want you to be near me,
but you’re so far away.
I hope you feel me in your heart,
as you travel your path .

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2018 in poems

 

I feel incomplete

My life is so complicated and frustrating
Sometimes I just feel the need to scream
I hate this life that I live
Someday I wish I could wake up and it would all be a dream

At night it’s so hard to sleep
The only thing that can make me smile
Is knowing you’re alright
And thinking of you holding me through the night

I would give anything just to spend one day
Even if it doesn’t last
I would go back to that day so everything would be okay

Most of my life is spent trying to please you
It seems that everything that I believe in you don’t
I wonder if you have felt the way I do

Not a second goes by that I am not thinking of you in some way
When I look into your eyes
I get butterflies
I never know just what to say

I am so afraid to be myself
I am afraid you wont like the real me
So I try to be someone else

Without you in my heart
I feel incomplete
Without you I am falling apart
Your dark long wavy hair
As it blows in the wind
You stand there
It makes my heart mend
From all the past heart breaks

You helped me see that not all girls are mean
You’re so sweet
You are the girl of my dreams
Someday we’ll meet

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2018 in random thoughts

 

Love Game

I could have sworn there was a spark between us. And I could have sworn you felt it too. Or maybe it was just my imagination, my own ego feeding itself with what little attention you gave me but was more than enough to cause me this much pain. I can’t stop myself from asking the same questions over and over again, Did I brought this on to myself? Was I imagining things that were too far away from my reality? Was I too ambitious to think that someone like you would really take interest in me? Right now, knowing that you see me as your ‘just-in-case Boy’, I know I’ll never get the answers I want because I’m not in the position to even voice out my questions, not in the position to demand answers to the riddles you have been giving me for the past several months, and I’m not even in the position to get hurt. I get it. I’m just a nobody in your life. Someone you only remember when you need something, when you don’t have somebody else to talk to, or when you feel like flirting with somebody else other than your Boyfriend. But I’m sick of being that Boy. I’m sick of playing dumb, pushing aside what I know just to give room for the excuses I’ve made for you that you wont even bother to make for yourself. So, if you can’t quit me, I might as well be the one to end this stupid game.

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2018 in random thoughts

 
 
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