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Monthly Archives: May 2018

What happen in most of the relationship and why they fail

There are several reasons why relationships fail, and very few reasons why they succeed. If TRUE love is your goal, you won’t find it by building your relationships on earthly foundations. Soul mates cannot be found through worldly means. Whatever image you’ve created of your soul mate, the beautiful woman with the piercing eyes, or the handsome man with the chiseled features; these are rarely more than superficial fantasies. As long as you’re searching for that perfect IMAGE, you will prevent yourself from seeing your true soul mate when your paths actually do cross.

So how has romance treated you thus far? Have you been successful? Is this your first relationship? If it is, and it has the right elements, you may have that happily ever after ending you’ve been searching for. But if those elements are missing, or you’ve had more than one failed relationship in the past, chances are, your present relationship, will not be your last. That, of course, depends upon the pattern you’ve developed. You haven’t developed a pattern, you say? Perhaps not, but, then again, maybe you have, and you just don’t realize it.

Let’s take a look at the man who married three times, prior to his present relationship. In each of his previous marriages, his wives cheated on him. Would you say this man has a pattern? A woman, who married twice, was abused by one husband, and cheated on by the other? Does that qualify as a pattern? Her two husbands betrayed her in different ways, so what’s consistent about that? A man who married twice, cheated on his first wife, but in his second marriage his wife cheated on him? How could that possibly be a pattern? The truth is, each example describes a pattern of failure. One failure need not be exactly like the last to create a pattern.

The first thing a person MUST do in order to change their present paradigm, is take responsibility for their pattern of failure. We often take on the roll of victim when relationships end. This absolves us of the responsibility for our failure. But how are we ever going to learn from our mistakes if we convince ourselves we never made them? If we spend our time blaming our former partners for the destruction of our relationships, then we don’t really understand how relationships work. When two individuals unite, they become two halves of one soul. They are no longer individuals. Modern relationships, however, do not share these ideals. Couples enter into a marriage on a trial basis only. Neither party is willing to relinquish their individuality; for fear that the relationship may fail. Should that happen, individuality insures that they will be able to make a clean break. Even those of us who believe that marriage is forever, remain uncertain that the relationship will actually last. In a world where people divorce for reasons as superficial as a man losing his hair, or a woman’s body changing after pregnancy, why shouldn’t we be uncertain of marriage?

Regardless of the reasons a relationship ends, the FACT that you are responsible for your pattern, does not change. Let’s examine the word responsible for a moment. In any given situation, you are able to respond wisely, or foolishly. In other words, you are response-able. A man dates a woman who shows all the signs of being a cheater, but because he’s convinced himself that she’s the “one,” he refuses to see those signs. A woman dates a man with a temper, who doesn’t hide his jealousy, regarding her flirtatious personality. His jealous tirades could easily evolve into physical abuse. But she convinces herself that he is her soul mate, and ignores the signs. So who is at fault in these examples?

A man is walking through a forest and spots a wounded bear. He has compassion for the bear, so he runs home and gets his truck and trailer. He coaxes the bear into the trailer with some raw fish, and takes him home. He clears a place for the bear in his garage, and begins nursing the animal back to health. After several weeks, the bear is healthy once more. The man believes he’s made himself a new friend, and prepares to return the bear to the forest. He throws some raw fish into the trailer and opens the garage door. But instead of peacefully climbing into the trailer for the fish, the bear is startled by the sound of the garage door and attacks the man, killing him. The man appears before Jesus, and asks Him why the bear would attack someone who was only trying to help him.

God explains to the man that the bear isn’t to blame for his death. He tells him that it was his own compassion for the beast that brought about his untimely end. “You believed that rescuing the bear, and providing the necessary care needed to save its life, would endear you to him. And that is the reason why you were killed. How can I fault an animal for following its nature? Should I condemn a bear for being a bear?”

In the same way, how can we blame the adulterous woman, if all she was guilty of was being an adulterous woman? And how can we condemn the abusive man, for being an abusive man? It was their partners who CHOSE to overlook their true natures. If a woman marries an alcoholic, having full knowledge that he has a drinking problem, should God let her out of her marriage contract, if she decides her husband’s problem with alcohol is too much for her? If a man marries a woman with an eating disorder, should God let him out of his marriage contract, if he decides he doesn’t want a fat wife? If you enter into the covenant of marriage, and you do not take everything into account, you have no one to blame but yourself for the failure of that relationship.

A woman is married to a man who begins beating her after ten years of marriage. Obviously, there were key elements missing from that relationship, otherwise it would not have escalated to that level in only a decade. The husband is guilty of following a violent path, and breaking the vows of marriage – he is also guilty of the injuries sustained by his wife, the first time he beat her. The wife, however, is responsible for allowing him to carry out that pattern of abuse, beyond that first assault. She may deny that fact, using excuses like, finances, children, fear of further harm, or even fear of death. Her choice in life mates was awfully poor if that last one is a possibility. As far as the rest of the excuses are concerned, they only apply if she has no family beyond her husband, and children. If she chooses to stay with the beater, even when she has parents, siblings, or friends who could help, that is again, HER responsibility. If a surfer knowingly goes surfing in the middle of a school of great white sharks, should we blame the shark for eating him? We live in a victim oriented society. People are constantly blaming others for the consequences of their choices. The woman who allowed herself to be abused over and over, blames the beater, while the beater blames things like bi-polar disorder. “It wasn’t my fault, I’m the VICTIM of a chemical imbalance!” Come on! The only thing you’re a victim of is pass-the-buck syndrome! We are responsible for our choices, and the roads they lead us down. Admitting that is the first step in changing your pattern.

The second step in changing our patterns is probably the most difficult step of all. We MUST become the kind of person that someone would WANT to spend eternity with. So let me ask you something. If you were your spouse, or significant other, would YOU want to spend eternity with you? Be honest. Most people answer no to that question. And if that was also your answer, how do you think it affects your pattern? A negative opinion of one’s self is one of the most destructive elements you can bring into a relationship. Why should your partner carry the burden of proving your worthiness of receiving love? Your opinion of yourself is entirely YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, and it only creates a strain on the relationship when you put that responsibility on your partner. If your partner loves you, and often tells you so, why can’t you just accept that? Why do you treat their affection as a temporary thing, only extended to you, until someone better comes along?

Why do you allow your insecurities to prevent your partner from connecting with you, at a spiritual level? Why are you constantly telling them that you don’t trust them? You don’t have to say the words “I don’t trust you” to convey that message. All you have to do is act as though you don’t believe them when they say “I love you.” And why do you allow your jealousy to confine your partner to a cage? Don’t you realize that our own human instincts will inevitably cause us to try and escape our cages? Your partner isn’t the one looking at your competition and thinking, “wow, there are so many better choices out there than the one I made.” Those are YOUR THOUGHTS. And even though this is your opinion of yourself, you are constantly punishing your partner for it. How can your partner prove his or her love for you, if you look at the evidence he or she presents with untrusting eyes. And without trust, your relationship WILL fail, and your pattern WILL repeat. Trust in a relationship is paramount to its survival. Therefore you have two choices: tear down your walls, and trust that you are worthy of your partner’s love, or keep them up and watch your insecurities drive your partner away.

The third step has also proved to be a difficult one. It requires a person to follow an honorable path. For all of a person’s accomplishments, their homes, their cars, their income, and their families, only one thing cannot be taken from them. You can be robbed of your home, your car, your job, your family, your freedom, and even your life. The only thing that cannot be stripped from you, is your integrity. The sad thing is, most people give that away without a second thought.

You make a vow to your spouse and a vow to God, on your wedding day. To love, honor, and cherish; for better AND for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, keeping yourself ONLY unto him or her for all the days of your life, till death do you part. Remember that promise? A person’s word defines his or her character, and their character defines them. If that person’s word means nothing, he or she is CHOOSING to mean nothing themselves. If a relationship is without honor, or integrity, it will crumble under the weight of its own deceit.

The fourth step requires a great deal of discernment. Forgiveness is an important part of every relationship, however, there is a fine line between forgiveness earned, and forgiveness unearned. When your partner breaches your trust, and apologizes, should you forgive him/her? What has he or she done, other than apologize, to regain your trust? A woman marries her high school sweetheart, but is unable to remain faithful to him. He catches her in the act, and she pleads with him not to leave her. She promises never to cheat on him again, and because she is his high school sweetheart, he forgives her. Less than a year later, he catches her again. This time, he files for divorce. Despite her pleading, she cannot mend the scars created by her choices. He finds someone new and moves on, and so does she. Once more, she promises to be faithful, but this time she makes that promise to herself. Twenty years later, her marriage is still going strong. She made a choice, to repent from the dishonorable ways of her past. She stepped up, took responsibility for her choices, and turned her life around. She earned her forgiveness. Saying I’m sorry, without making an effort to change, is meaningless. Just like it is when the beater who swears never to abuse his wife again, breaks that oath the next time they have an argument. Has he sought counseling? Did he enroll in anger management classes? Did he do ONE SINGLE THING to earn her forgiveness? Does swearing it will never happen again or begging for forgiveness EARN back a wise person’s trust? Of course it doesn’t, and no one should receive forgiveness until they prove they deserve it. But if you CHOOSE to forgive someone who didn’t earn it, the consequences are your responsibility.

And lastly – the fifth step. We constantly attempt to navigate the course of our own lives. And yet, we always seem to find our way out of the storm whenever we loose control of the wheel. Some don’t believe that a divine presence watches over them. Still, they can’t deny that they have weathered storms that should have scuttled their ship, but didn’t. You have NEVER carried a burden you could not carry, and you have never faced an obstacle you could not overcome. The fact that you are sitting there, reading this, proves that. And still, we hold on to the wheel.

Even when we’re in a relationship, we continue to maintain control of the helm. But instead of one navigator, a relationship has two, both trying to steer the ship in their own directions. In spite of the fact that the sea has never dragged us down, no matter how rough the waters got, we rarely have enough faith to let go of the wheel. And yet, that is what we must do, if we are ever going to find our happy endings. After all, I do not know the way to that place where happily ever after endings are found, and I’m fairly certain you don’t either. That is a destination that only faith can find. If you both try to steer, your ship will likely be dashed against the rocks. The ship is the embodiment of your relationship. You must have faith that it can take you where you need to be.

Like it or not, you do not control your destiny. Be it God, the universe, or fate, something beyond your control has your future well in hand. And if you will just stop fighting the current, it will take you to your destination.

So take a good, long look at your relationship, and ask yourself if it has the elements it needs to succeed. Do you both take RESPONSIBILITY for your choices? Do you TRUST one another? Do you hold firm to your INTEGRITY? Do you know when to FORGIVE, and when not to? And do you have FAITH in the journey, and its destination? If you look back on the failed relationships in your past, I’ll bet you’ll find that they all lacked most of these ingredients. If you examine your present relationship, you may discover that it also lacks some or all of these elements. So the choice is yours, follow your pattern to an unhappy end, or chart a new course, with a new destination.

That journey begins with you taking responsibility for the choices you make, and the consequences those choices bring. You are responsible for the pattern that brought you to this crossroads in life. It is up to YOU to change that pattern, and follow the right path. I think that responsibility, trust, integrity, and faith, would be attributes that any of us could choose. If you are the kind of person who makes these kinds of choices, it would stand to reason that your soul MATE would also be such a person. If you choose someone who does not share these qualities, that is your choice, and your responsibility. You are not a victim of anything, but bad judgment, if you choose poorly. How difficult is it, after all, to recognize someone who takes no responsibility for his or her choices? Are you incapable of noticing if your partner trusts you or not? If your partner has no integrity, do you think you might overlook it? Does your partner do whatever is necessary to EARN your forgiveness when he or she does something that hurts you? How about faith? Do you think they can slip that one by you?

It isn’t as though these are attributes that can be faked with any consistency. Either your CHOICE in partners has them, or they don’t. Therefore, if you disagree with me on the basis that couples rarely ever share these attributes, you are correct that this is a sad reality, but the responsibility for choosing a partner that doesn’t share your ideals, is yours. It is up to you to find the person who best suits you. Creating a lasting relationship depends on the choices you make as an individual. The destiny of that relationship depends on the choices you make as a couple. From there, trust and integrity will fortify you, forgiveness will give you direction, and faith will be your guide. If you both follow the course that these five elements chart for you, your relationship will not fail.

Those of you who are trying to think of reasons why I’m wrong, in order to avoid accepting responsibility for your actions; ask yourself why its so important to prove anything to me. If you aren’t responsible for the pattern your life has followed, why does this treatise bother you so? Why not just say “I’m only human,” and leave it at that. It’s as good an excuse as any for not being responsible, or trusting that your partner loves you. It excuses you from honorable conduct, being wise with forgiveness, or having faith in the journey. It allows you to remain the victim; the victim of being ONLY human. But remember one thing, if that is the path you choose, when the time comes for reflecting back on your life: this too will be yourresponsibility.
God bless U.
Jai Shree Krishana…..

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2018 in random thoughts

 

Intimacy

When we think about intimate relationships, most of us think first of intimacy between partners or friends. Personal intimacy is a state in which two individuals are truly able to let down their outer layers of defense and protection and allow themselves to let the other see him or her as she truly is while being able to create the space in which her partner feels safe enough to do the same.

Personal intimacy is about being willing to let someone see you as you truly are while being willing to let yourself see that person as he or she truly is. It is about lack of artifice or protection and requires great courage for most people as it lays raw the bits and pieces of ourselves and our history that we would rather others not realize we carry with us.

Self-Intimacy: Not as Simple as it Sounds

Although establishing intimacy with another person can take significant courage, being open to self-intimacy can be a surprisingly challenging task. It seems that there are two extremes when it comes to self-examination – whether it’s literal mirror-gazing or inner reflecting. On one extreme are those of us who look into a mirror and notice every flaw – whether it’s laugh lines, blemishes, asymmetrical features, whatever. Then there are others of us who just steal a quick glance to make sure there’s nothing too horrifying or embarrassing about our appearance and dash out the door.

Being somewhere in between these two extremes is the most effective standpoint for building an intimate connection with your inner self. You have to be able to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you for who you are and who knows what you are worth. Self-esteem develops based on how we perceive that others perceive us. Self-intimacy requires that we see ourselves as we truly know ourselves to be.

Taking Time to Establish Self-Intimacy is Important

When we do not give ourselves time alone for reflection and self-intimacy, we are letting ourselves off too easy in life and not holding ourselves up to the inner scrutiny that allows us the space to acknowledge and address the areas in which we may need to grow. We also need time alone with ourselves to re-connect with who we are when we “show up” in relationships with others.

By intentionally choosing to spend time alone, you are also acknowledging the worth of your personhood – and the value inherent in being who you are. The need to surround yourself with the company of others often reflects needs to measure self-worth by popularity or to provide “evidence” of your social desirability.

It’s okay to enjoy spending time with those who care about you, this also should include enjoying spending time alone with yourself.

Suggestions for Making Space for Healthy Solitude and Self-Intimacy

It’s important that each of us finds time to sit and to simply “be” in our own skin. Maybe you find connection to yourself through meditation, through quiet reflection, or through intentional self-exploration. The point of healthy inner solitude is to provide a space to explore the pieces of yourself that you treasure or that you wish you could change.

Healthy solitude is not about beating up on yourself for past mistakes or behaviors, dragging yourself down as you review your perceived missteps or failings, or ruminating on interactions that have not gone as you would have liked. It is meant to be a space of acceptance of self where plans for life changes are also developed.

A good habit to encourage healthy solitude is scheduling daily reflective walks that allow you the space to quietly review a particular aspect of your life or self that needs attention. These walks can be built into your regular routine – walking to your office from the parking lot (just pay attention to the traffic and do be careful) is one way to make space for personal intimacy.

Taking five minutes at the start or end of your lunch break can also be a space in which you can “turn over the rocks and stones” and see what’s hidden or building up within you.

Creating a journaling space in your life – at night before you go to bed or on your tablet, smart phone, or laptop, right after you clock out at work or in the morning ten minutes before you begin your work day are three different options for building in the personal solitude that grows increasingly necessary as our lives and technology grow increasingly intertwined.

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2018 in random thoughts

 

Vision

‘I want to see you’, he said.

She started with her hair. Pulling out the band with fingers that shook slightly at the thought of what she was on the verge of doing. She pulled out the thin band of elastic and wrapped it around her right wrist, the yellow lines stark against her wheatish skin. The bones on her wrist poked through the double bind, highlighting the fragile structure of her arms. The fragility was quite at odds with her hands. They were, calloused hands, with no softness cushioning the lines that seemed etched into her palms with a harshness that belied her delicate fingers. Chipped nails, put black nail paint that told stories of nervous tics and shaking hands.

Her hands shook even then, as they travelled down her sides, tracing her slight curves and counting the freckles only she knew the positions of. She traced them mentally, drawing constellations onto her skin, backstories that made her realize just how disinteresting she was. She had to create her universes to live through because hers wasn’t vast enough for all the living she had to do. The list of names in her head slowly faded as the music took over, the deep bass and overwhelming synth gave her a rhythm to sway to, one to get lost into. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and continued. Her fingers found the edge of her slightly frayed top. It rose slightly every time she put her hands up in the air, and she never really stopped doing that, smiling as she felt a lash of cool air that felt like a taboo against innocuous skin.

But this time, as she raised her hands, the hem of her top was grasped in them. She tugged softly, feeling the gooseflesh trail the fabric as it rose higher, till it reached her face. For a moment, she panicked. She couldn’t see the face in front of her. She couldn’t see reaction. Suddenly, there was no meaning to this entire exercise. She pulled harder, stumbling slightly, till the soft, worn fabric was discarded onto the ground and she struggled against instinct. It took physical effort not to wrap her hands around her middle, but she dug her nails into her palms, leaving crescent imprints behind. She shook harder as she took another deep breath to calm herself down, her smile faltering under the pair of eyes on her.

She traced her sides again, the soft, pallid skin a marked contrast to the dry, warm fabric that covered it earlier. She didn’t have goose bumps anymore, but she still felt uncomfortable in her own skin. Her fingers found their way to the clasp of her bra, and she winced slightly as she felt one of the hooks dig into her thumb. Fumbling, she somehow managed to untangle the metal and cloth, and let it slide down her arms. The cheap lace and satin felt abrasive against her skin, used as it was to soft cottons. She cringed as she saw the virulent pink, darker under the dim lighting, but still much too loud for her. Her shoulders instinctively hunched inwards, and she struggled against herself to straighten them and stand there, apparently uncaring of the fact that she felt more exposed then she had in years. Being undressed by someone was one thing. Undressing herself, exposing herself- if only to one person, left her feeling like she was deconstructing herself.

And, she was, in a way, she realized, as she slid her fingers across the place where the waistband of her skirt met her skin. She was uncovering herself in slow, incremental steps, letting the process stretch out to make it intense, both for herself, and for him. It felt deeply personal, on a level, but she felt completely detached. She wasn’t there. She was just acting out the steps she knew would work.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Her reverie was broken by his ragged breathing. She shook her head slightly and pushed the skirt off, hooking her thumbs through the sides of her flimsy, delicate thong. The soft, billowy chiffon whispered its way down her legs, and pooled around her feet. Her feet, like her palms, were incongruent to the rest of her. Large, broad feet with blunt toes.

Her clubfoot was visible, the lack of a gentle arch had always seemed very telling to her. It always felt like a microcosm of her very being. It functioned well enough for what it was meant to do, but it wasn’t right. It always left a dull ache behind. It wasn’t whole. After a day of running around, and getting all her work done, her feet hurt her. A hurt only she could feel, dulling throbbing moving up from the ball of her foot, up her calves. Being her felt like that, too. A certain emptiness that was replaced with a constant throb of simply existing. Her thoughts always segued into tangents she couldn’t quite complete. It left her unsettled, the very prospect of incomplete thoughts. Sometimes, they were the only things whole about her. She realized she was looking down at her feet again. Another deep breath, and she looked up, realizing she was finally nude.

She stared him in the eye, and started unspooling the constellations she had weaved onto herself. The freckles were woven together with names, and each name had a story. She unfolded each one carefully, and shook off the film of memories that coated them. She took her segueing thoughts, and sluiced them off herself, and they settled on the ground, discarded, next to her skirt. All the dreams that she collected like dark souvenirs rolled off her arms and onto her thighs, and she let all her desires unravel. Every one of her deepest secrets spilled out of her eyes, mouth, nose, ears. They spilled out of her very pores, and she seemed to shrink further as she lost all that weighed her down.

Over time, what she hid had started defining her. She grew accustomed to sheltering herself under the shadows that the awnings of her tiny deceits cast. She convinced herself that she was trying to simple protect the people she loved, and that was the first lie she told herself. It built a base for the twisted, monstrous structure that her life had turned into.

An unhealthy fixation that sapped all the energy she had, trying to sustain it.

She knew it was a dead weight tied to her, dragging her deeper into herself, but she preferred to think of it as an anchor. It kept her grounded, she told herself, as she sank deeper. And suddenly, she let go. Let the structure break. She became visibly smaller, with nowhere to employ the effort she put into maintaining facades.

Feeling emptier than she had in a long, long time, she bent down to the ground where her skirt lay, surrounded by her swirling thoughts. What she was going to do next was possibly the most painful step, but the easiest, for her. She had already let go of all that could possibly be an inhibition for her, and she wanted to get the final step over with. Her hair surrounded her face like a curtain, framing her so that she could look up, but he didn’t realize she could.

She spent longer than necessary rummaging through the skirt’s pocket, simply observing him. She could see the difference in the way he looked at her when she started, and the way he stared now. The simpleminded adoration has changed into something darker that clouded his eyes.

It was fascination.

There was no gentle love or care in his eyes anymore.

Just an animalistic spark.

He wanted more.

He has seen into her, probably more than she meant to show, and of course he wanted more.

She knew the allure of the galaxies that swirled in her, and she knew how addictive the darkness they inhabited could be.

She sighed again, and got up, a small blade glinting in her hands.

She would give him everything.

The sharp scalpel shone under the dim lights, and she gritted her teeth as she started tracing from the tip of her left hand’s middle finger, down her inner up, up to her upper arm, and to her shoulder. The blood seeped out, and she almost lost her grip on the blade because of the slickness on her hand, but she continued. The blade cut deep for something so delicate, and pretty looking, and she smiled to herself. It was funny how she could compare everything to herself. The blood kept flowing out of her, and she continued tracing herself, creating a single, bloody outline onto herself. It crossed her scalp, down the middle of her chest, on her stomach, down one thigh. Then, she changed the hand which held the blade, and traced the right side of her body. When she was done, a fine, geometric pattern on her skin shone wetly, the colour somewhere between rust and crimson.

She gasped at the pain, and he did too, because he saw more than what he wanted to see. She stared at him, and he couldn’t tear his gaze away. She waited till she was sure he couldn’t look away, and started pealing the skin off. Piece, by piece, she pulled it off, the pain overwhelming her into a quiet frenzy. She knew that if she started screaming now, she’d never stop, so she continued, breathing harshly, peeling away faster, still she stood there, her muscles glistening because of the blood and mucus on them. She just stood there for a minute, before letting out a low, throaty wail. She howled for what seemed almost too long, but not long enough. Sobbing, she started tearing her muscles off, little chunks of meat embedding themselves under her nails.

Her fingers kept digging. Probing. She couldn’t stop pulling out large, irregular chunks of herself and flinging them to the ground. He sat there, stunned, his face sprayed with little droplets of her blood that flew out from her broken veins and arteries as she moved. He could see her heart struggling to beat under her ribcage, the immense stress and pressure she was putting on her body visible through how it strained against it’s trappings. Beating so fast, almost as though it wanted to escape. He stared at her in morbid fascination. He wanted to turn away, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. She continued, now pulling at her organs. The kidneys came first, hitting the ground with a soft, splattering sound. Then her liver. Her stomach. Her heart. Her brain. She kept going, till all that was left to her were bones. A final deep breath, as she realized she was finally bare, finally free.

She looked at him through the debris-covered skull that was left of her sallow, worn face. She had finally let go, finally allowed someone in. she let go of all that held her down, all that tried to make her whole. She let go, and she reveled in the emptiness. She savored the air that wafted through her ribs, the absence of a beating heart and pumping lungs leaving her whole self oddly quiet.

She looked at him carefully and saw him barely breathing, barely moving.

He wanted to run.

But he couldn’t.

Because, he had to stay.

He wanted to.

‘Can you see me now?’, she asked

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2018 in random thoughts

 

प्रेम

” ख्वाहिशों का काफिला भी अजीब ही है
अक्सर वहीं से गुजरता है जहाँ रास्ते नहीं होते . ”

प्रेम के लिए जो मुहावरा इस्तेमाल होता है वह है, प्रेम में गिरना : Falling in Luv. प्रेम में गिरना क्यों होता है ? इस सुंदर घटना को गिरने का label क्यों लगाया जाता है ? ये शब्द बुद्धि के नजरीए से बनाए गए है, बात असल में यह है की प्रेम घटता है हृदय में और व्यक्ति जीता है मस्तिष्क में . अब शरीर में इन दोनों का स्थान देख लें – मस्तिष्क होता है ऊपर और हृदय होता है नीचे, इसलिए कहते हैं, गिरना .

फिर मानसिक रूप से भी प्रेम का अनुभव गिरने जैसा ही होता है . किसी पर दिल आ गया तो भीतर ऐसे लगता है मानो केले के छिलके से फिसलकर गिर गए . यह explanation आपकी बुद्धि करती है, की अच्छे – भले आदमी थे, यह क्या नादानी कर बैठे ?

प्रेम में ऐसी क्या कठिनाई है की लोग उसमें गहरे नहीं उतर पाते ? कठिनाई है अहंकार . मनुष्य की पूरी शिक्षा और संस्कृति अहंकार को मजबूत करती है, समाज भी अहंकार का पोषण करता है और फिर जब व्यक्ति यह घना अहंकार लेकर प्रेम के जगत में प्रवेश करता है तो स्वभावतः fail हो जाता है .

इस प्रेम को explain करते हुए ‘खलील जिब्रान’ ने कहा है कि सच्चे प्रेमी मंदिर के दो पिलर्स कि तरह होते हैं . बहुत पास भी नहीं, coz बहुत पास हों तो मंदिर गिर जाए . बहुत दूर भी नहीं, coz बहुत दूर भी हों तो भी मंदिर गिर जाए . असली प्रेमी न तो एक – दूसरे के बहुत पास होते हैं,
न बहुत दूर . थोडा सा फासला रखते हैं ताकि एक – दूसरे कि freedom जीवित रहे . एक – दूसरे कि सीमा में अकारण हस्तक्षेप न हो .

प्रेम की सफलता की key है : एक साथ और अकेले . कभी साथ – साथ रहें तो कभी अकेले . यह संबंध की rythm है, इस rythm के साथ आप आगे बढ़ें then one’ll definitely get the success.

” रातें कस्तूरी हुईं, दिन खुशबू की मेड़,
मेरे आंगन में हंसे, एक चंदन का पेड़ .

इतिहासों के पास थे, कठिन प्रेम के द्वन्द,
भूगोलों के पास थे, सुघड प्रेम के छंद .

चश्मों ने बदली नहीं, परम्परा के फ्रेम,
सबसे मुश्किल था कठिन, इस पृथ्वी पर प्रेम .

प्रेम प्रार्थना की तरह, एक मंदिर का दीप,
जिसको यह मोती मिले, वह बड़-भागी सीप

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2018 in random thoughts

 

If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would Be With You”

It’s a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is going to heal your heart a lot faster than simply letting it break over and over until you finally face what you knew all along anyway:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

There are a million possible scenarios here. It’s easier when he’s an asshole – selfish, only thinking of himself, using you to make someone else jealous, using you in general, treating you poorly, crushing you thoughtlessly, whatever. But it’s a lot harder when he’s a good guy, and you still have to let him go. When he tells you that you’re an incredible person, but he just doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Or when he really likes you, but doesn’t think you’re the one. Or when he just doesn’t feel as strongly as you do and he wants to be honest. Or when he can’t seem to make up his mind and feels confused, which he doesn’t yet realize just means that he’s afraid of hurting you, that feeling ‘confused’ just a softer way of eventually saying ‘no.’ If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have had to make up his mind in the first place. It would just be an answer that he felt deeply in his gut.

But regardless, whether he’s a wonderful guy or an asshole or somewhere in between, this is about you, moving on. Because no matter what the situation was, no matter how well he treated you or how much fun you had together or how well you got along, he doesn’t want to be with you. And that’s the truth. And that’s going to be your life raft for the next several weeks or months, no matter how much you don’t want to grab onto it. It is what is going to eventually help you come to peace with the end of your relationship, or the fizzling out of your fling, or the ‘no more talking’ after you guys spent so much time ‘talking.’ It is the truth, and as ugly as it is, it will be the only thing that can help you move on:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

It’s easy to try to soften the blow. He needs time, or he just needs a little space, or he’s just afraid of commitment and I just need to reassure him, or he builds walls and it’s my job to kick through them.

But think about the way you feel about him. How easy and natural and obvious it feels. How you don’t even need to question whether or not you should be with him, because it just feels right in your veins. How, even if you were scared of committing to someone or getting hurt or opening yourself up, you were still willing to do it, because your heart had already made up your mind. You wanted to be with him, so you were. The decision was simple. It really wasn’t even a decision at all.

Now can you imagine feeling all those things but choosing not to be with him anyway?

That’s why your heart is broken. Because he didn’t feel those things. He didn’t feel that same certainty that you did, deep in your bones. And you can’t change that, and you can’t fix yourself, and there’s nothing you did wrong. It’s just the truth. His heart didn’t make the decision for his brain, because his heart is in a different place from yours. And that really, really sucks. And you just have to accept it. And that sucks even more.

Maybe you’ll get over this in weeks, maybe months. Maybe longer. It will hurt, some days will be horrible and some will be okay. But the smallest of silver linings is this: you can let your heart break once – instead of breaking it a million times by convincing yourself that he’s making a mistake or he probably misses you or you should call him. Love yourself enough to be hard on yourself:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on May 22, 2018 in random thoughts

 

Can I Hold Your Hand ?

He held his hand out to me, waiting. I laughed and warmth crept into my cheeks. “What’s this?” I asked. He smiled. “Can I hold your hand?”
Something in me ached and cried out for a long moment; I have been waiting for this moment forever. I have always wanted this. I’ve always wanted some one to ask, not just grab, my hand. I carefully slipped my fingers into his and our hands fit perfectly together. “Your hand is so cold” he told me, rubbing it to warm it up. “And yours is so warm” I told him. My hand slowly defrosted in his as he transferred his warmth to me. I was so acutely aware of his touch, the moment was so vivid and alive, I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. He circled his thumb softly over my hand and I felt an electric energy transfer from his hand to mine, it travelled up my arm and through my chest and spread throughout my body. I held my breath for a moment- who is this man? Who is he? Why is there this energetic force pulsing through my being? I was perfectly still, unsure of what was happening here. I turned my head slightly to steal a look at him and my heart ached. I’m in trouble. The simple feel of my hand in his pulls me inside of something, this little, electrified place for two. He is unlike anyone I have ever encountered and I begin to wonder if maybe he is right, maybe he did skip here from another universe. “Is this ok?” He asked me. I close my hand around his a little tighter. “Yes, I like holding your hand”. I take in a long, quiet breath and wonder if this is it. Is this the one I’ve been looking for?
Because he is the only one who has ever asked me:
“Can I hold your hand?” And I’ve never felt so much from just a simple touch.

 
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Posted by on May 17, 2018 in random thoughts

 

The First Kiss

“You can’t do it.” she teased me.
I was nervous. What if didn’t turn out to be good? What if my throat pretended to be a frog and started making weird noises? What if I sneezed? What if I bit his lip instead of kissing? Fuck! I was nervous? I was fucking scared!
“Shut up!” I said in a not-so-angry manner.
“Nah! Leave it.” she said, patting my hand.
she turned around to leave when i held her hand, gripping it firmly. She turned around. Her eyes met mine. She smiled.
I pulled her t-shirt and she fell on top of me, with just an inch of distance between us. I could feel her breath kissing mine. Her hands were on either side of my shoulders, helping her to not completely fall on me. SHe kept looking in my eyes, deep.
I had no idea about the next step. A minute passed. Nothing happend. Another one passed. She just kept looking at me, waiting, patiently. I closed my eyes, gave up on my thoughts and before i could do anything she spoke.
“Open your eyes.” she said.
I opened my eyes. She smiled.
“We just kissed.” she said.
Was i drunk? Of course not! We didn’t kiss!
“What?” I asked, confused.
“We, just kissed.” she said it again.
I did not understand what she meant.
she did kiss my confused lips within a second but i didn’t understand what she meant.

Now I know.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on May 15, 2018 in random thoughts

 
 
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