Time freezes, the world stops and life momentarily ceases to exist.. Everyone and everything seems to disappear and all that is left is you and I.. Nothing else seems to matter anymore, nothing else seems important.. As I stand here frozen somewhere between space and time I begin to crave your body, I wish to make it mine.. As you strip for me and lay back on the bed a million nasty thoughts of what I’m about to do to you run swiftly through my head.. You motion me to come closer with your finger and bite your lip, and I try my best not to become lost in your eyes. As I rip my clothes off and crawl onto the bed positioning my hips right between your thighs. Forcing your legs up in the air a bit so your feet wrap around my waist. I lean down to kiss your lips and you wrap your arms around my neck pulling me in closer, I kiss my way down to your neck making my way to your chest.. Teasing you with my tongue, sucking them causing them to become erect. I feel you start to whine your hips against mine, teasing me with your wetness I feel it and start to throb and become stiff between my legs. Longing, craving to be inside of you.. I take your hands and lock your fingers together so I can pin your arms above your head with one hand, and with the other, I reach down and start to guide myself in your tight, dripping aquafina. At first driving you crazy as I tease you with just the tip, flicking it back and forth stimulating your already sensitive clit.. As I penetrate you I reach up and grab your neck forcing you to look me in my eyes, careful not to blink even for a second so I can see the expression on your face as I go deeper inside you slowly, forcing you to take every inch.. You resist the urge to roll your eyes back and all you can do is moan and bite your lips.. As I press my hips up against the back of your thighs reaching as deep as I can go I lean in to kiss your lips once more, thrusting myself slowly in and out of your tight pussy and every time I do I feel your walls clench a little tighter around my cock.. Your arms still wrapped around my neck I feel your nails dig deep into my flesh, the pain mixed with pleasure is enough to drive me insane, I feel myself losing control.. Lifting your legs back more bending your knees till they touch your chest, my hands gripping tightly on the back of your thighs as I keep looking in your eyes increasing the speed and length of my strokes.. Your moans get louder until they turn to screams, my name escaping from your lips when you can no longer hold it in.. “Fuck Baby keep going just like that baby you’re gonna make me cum, this Sugar Walls is gonna cum for you ..” Like music to my ears your words simply run right through me almost as if you aren’t speaking to me at all, but instead speaking to my soul.. Leaning into you again to kiss your lips one last time, your legs pressed back still, your body trapped underneath me and completely at my mercy.. Its as if the spark of our kiss ignites a fuse and the countdown to your release begins.. Your legs begin to shake and your nails dig deeper into my skin, your moans slip out from between our lips locked together and you flex every muscle in your body.. Everything stops, my heart feels as though for a moment it does not beat, and then it happens, you release..My head on your chest, feeling your heart beat so fast as if it is trying to escape from your body.. Using the last of your strength to wrap your arms around me and run your fingers through my hair.. As I kiss and lick the sweat from your skin, still trying to catch my breath as I breath you in.. My lips pressed firmly against your flesh my eyes closed but I do not fall asleep, I’d rather stay awake and enjoy the warmth if your embrace, this is better than my dreams..
Monthly Archives: January 2019
We’ve all been there.
Your classmate’s story is praised in workshop, while yours is torn apart.
“Poorly written” romances dominate best-seller lists, while your science fiction novel languishes in Amazon’s 2,000,000 ranking spot.
The author you follow on Instagram posts their third cover reveal this year, while you struggle to finish your manuscript.
There’s a thousand ways that we writers experience jealousy of other authors. We constantly compare ourselves to our peers in writing groups, our Internet friends, or the hallowed greats like Stephen King. We long for the secret to their success. How do they write a first draft so quickly? How do they have so many Pinterest followers? Where do they find time to publish and write a daily blog?
We take other writers’ successes as inherent failures in ourselves as creatives.
Let me get personal for a minute. Throughout graduation and post graduation , I longed to be a writer, but I hardly ever wrote. I seethed with self-loathing and jealousy in equal amounts. As I became more entwined in the literary community, I saw myself in competition with other aspiring writers. With each person’s success, I thought one more seat on the bus to authordom had been snatched from me. Around senior year of college, I finally wised up.
But others I know didn’t. I’ve lost friends over jealousy and unnecessary feelings of competition. I’ve had close friends flat-out ignore my writing career. I’ve had acquaintances insult or downplay my abilities in order to praise their own. It sucks. It hurts. And I don’t want it to happen to anyone else.
Why do we feel jealousy?
Easy: because other writers have what we want. Be it a publishing contract, a movie deal, or even just a finished manuscript, if you want it, some writer has already accomplished it. When I used to see a more successful writer, I would instantly translate that into: “Well, shit. I’m so far behind. I’m never going to amount to anything.” OR “They don’t deserve X. They just got lucky. Why can’t anyone see what a talentless hack they are?”
The good news? I don’t ride either of those thought trains anymore. In fact, the moment I feel a twinge of jealousy, I actually get really excited. Why?
Because when channeled properly, jealousy can be a force for good.
The positive side of jealousy
Jealousy and competition are natural human feelings. If you acknowledge them and channel their energy into something positive, it can be motivating for you. The next time you feel jealous, take a moment to deconstruct your emotions and get down to what’s really bothering you. But don’t stop there: make a plan to fix the real issue so that this doesn’t happen again.
Here is how my jealous moments play out now:
- Address the feeling: Okay, Ajay. You’re feeling jealous.
- Forgive yourself: That’s okay! You’re human. It happens.
- Find the “what:” Let’s see. I’m jealous that this author started writing a book after me, but is publishing it before I publish mine.
- Find the “why:” I wish my book were ready to publish.
- Take responsibility and make a plan: Well, what can you do to make that happen? How about we turn off Netflix and do some revising? Let’s eat out one less night a week so we can afford an editor. Let’s stop being nervous and contact the cover designer.
- Ride the high: Awesome, I know exactly what to do! I just have to be patient and work hard. I’m going to write right now.
Ways to handle jealousy
Notice this section is not titled “ways to quit being jealous.” That’s probably never going to happen. There will always be someone more successful than you. There will always be something you want that someone else has already achieved. But, there are ways to handle your jealousy in a healthy manner.
Act in opposition to your feelings. A writer friend on Facebook posts that they’ve signed with an agent? Like the post or write a supportive comment. At first, you can console yourself with the smug satisfaction that you were “the bigger person” in the competition your mind constructed. Eventually, your gut reaction will change to genuine excitement for them. I promise.
Figure out how they did it. I want to be Joanna Penn so bad it hurts. She writes kick-ass fiction books, super-helpful nonfiction books, and is a beloved authority figure in the self-publishing community. But instead of hating her and avoiding her, I follow her progress. I read her books. I read the articles she posts. And you know what? I’m learning how to create a career like hers, one step at a time.
Do something about it. If you have a moment of jealousy, then you know what you want. It frustrates you that your writer friend has a finished book and you don’t? Go write your damn book. That Twitter author has better sales than you? Read up on book marketing and business strategy, arrange advertising or book reviews, or publish more books. Outside circumstances may prevent you from achieving 100% of your goals, but if you’re not putting 100% of possible effort in, then you have no one to blame but yourself.
Remember that someone out there is jealous of you. If there is someone ahead of you, then there must be someone behind you. Maybe you don’t make enough money to write full-time yet, but there is a writer out there who has only one book published who envies your five-book series. Moreover, the person of whom you are jealous was once in your position. Keep it all in perspective.
Be kind to yourself. Often, jealousy goes hand-in-hand with feelings of inadequacy. If you are nicer to yourself throughout the entire creative process (keeping your inner critic quiet during drafting, forgiving yourself for missing your word count goal on a busy day, etc.), your self-respect will grow. When it is healthy and happy, you are less likely to be dragged down by bitterness.
And if all else fails? Step away from the situation and eat some ice cream. It really does make everything better.
How do you deal with feelings of writer jealousy? What do your moments of jealousy reveal about your goals? Share your experiences in the comments.