RSS

Mistakes

14 Apr


Everyone’s made mistakes. You can’t deny this and say you’ve never made one because nobody besides God is perfect. It’s human nature to make mistakes and there’s no way to avoid it, but mistakes aren’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact they’re good. They may not seem like it at the time that it happens, but they are. They’re good because learning experiences come from mistakes. The only way to learn what you did wrong and how to prevent it next time, is to do wrong. Unfortunately there are some mistakes you’ll never get the chance to correct. As much as you wish you could correct them some mistakes are permanent. These are the mistakes you need to learn from so you don’t make them again. My  biggest mistake was hurting the only girl I’ve ever been in love with and letting her go.  I’m about to tell you all the story of this mistake and what I’ve learned from it. Don’t expect a happy ending because I haven’t even got one yet, but I can see life starting to head that way but even that won’t be a happy ending, just a new beginning.

Back In 2008 I saw a girl that I’ve never seen before at school and from that moment on I knew she was what I wanted. As soon as I saw her I leaned over and asked a girl in my class who she was and she proceeded to tell me. Little did I know I’m friends with one of the new girls friends. Her friend literally told me a day before that the new girl thought I was cute. So I got her number and we texted a little bit which lead to us talking in class, well me trying to talk, but her being really shy she didn’t say much. Nothing really sprouted from this at first. Then we started talking more and more and I started developing feelings. Now, she was showing no interest really so I got involved with this other girl, and that didn’t work out well at all. When that ended the new girl started showing a little more and I mean a little interest. So of course we started communicating more, she wouldn’t chill with me or anything but we talked in class everyday. So my feelings were getting stronger and stronger throughout first semester but she still showed minimum interest in me. Since she was showing little interest I thought I’d do somethings to catch her attention. I did some questionable things that I regret, involving trying to get with her friends, kissing maybe one, maybe two of her friends. Which of course she got mad about, this showed me she at least cared a little bit.

Second semester rolled around and I’m all in, I know this is the girl God sent for me it’s without a doubt who I want. She was still shy and she still got nervous around me which I found really cute. We ended up having a class together. I asked her to prom in front of the class and she thought I did it to embarrass her, so she said no and switched out of the class. After that I figured she still wasn’t interested in me so I continued messing with other girls which evidentially made her even more mad than she already was and pushed her away. We eventually got to a solid point in the relationship where both of us having feelings was established. Later on when I realized I loved her, or so I thought at the time I told her. She didn’t say it back. All her friends were telling her lies and some truths about me and also told her I wasn’t a good guy and that she should stay away. Which at that point in my life I wasn’t, I can admit that. Due to this she had lost all trust in me and didn’t believe anything I said because of my past mistakes. She had moved on shortly after and was talking to someone else. I was heartbroken and the whole second half of my senior year was ruined. I was more depressed than I had ever been. Every time I saw her I felt sick to my stomach, teary eyed, and a feeling of sadness just sat in. Every day I would attempt to talk to her and try to make things right. I’d go to her games, try to talk to her in lunch, by her locker, and text her. Nothing worked. Occasionally she would start talking to me but would remember all the wrong I did to her and change her mind quickly.

I left for college in the fall, I thought for sure all of that would be in my past and that it was done. I was wrong. I got through most of the first semester of college without talking to her and was doing fine. One weekend second semester I went home. I was on the way home and I heard one of the songs I showed her, every time I heard that song I thought of her, still do. So I texted her to get dinner and she was down, it was a double date with my friend and his girl. So we went to dinner and she was flirting, holding my hand, and telling me she missed me. That night ended and I asked her to hangout the next night and she was down again, so her, her friend, and I went to eat where her friend’s boy worked. After he got off and we got done eating we drove around and she told me she still loved me. Of course I still loved her so I told her I still loved her too. They ended up needing a place to stay so they stayed with us two. I had never been happier  than I was that night just holding her. So we got up early the next morning and I left for Atlanta. She didn’t talk to me much that weekend hardly at all actually, so I asked what was up, she told me she didn’t mean anything she said when we hung out and to leave her alone. All that just ripped from me. Being told you’re loved and having it ripped from you is one of the worst feelings ever. I was so depressed I took a week off from college just so I’d be home because I didn’t want to be by myself. She told me I needed to move on and there was no chance of us happening and that she didn’t love me anymore. Then a few weeks later told me she had never loved me.

We never truly dated but I was unfaithful, filling her head with lies, and not being patient with her. I hurt the girl I cared about more than anything. I learned a lot though from the mistakes of this relationship. First, you have to give people and relationships time, some people are slow to open up and you have to respect that. Don’t just assume they don’t like you because they have their walls up. Second, everyone deserves someone that’s faithful if you don’t have intentions of being faithful don’t waste their time. Third, fight for those you love and let them know you care every chance you get. You never know when you might lose them. Fourth, always be honest to the person you’re in a relationship with, they will find out the truth, and it’s going to be better for you if they hear the truth from you first. Last, never depend on someone else for your happiness. Doing this gives the other person too much power in the relationship and they will abuse it. Rely on God and yourself for your happiness.

It’s been almost three years since then and every time I come home I end up seeing her wherever I go. I talk to her occasionally but it’s just checking up. I know it’s over and I’m okay with it. I have gotten over being hurt and feeling the depression I had once felt by filling my heart with God’s love and letting him lead me down the right path. With God I feel uplifted and like a new person. I know she wasn’t the one God has sent for me and if she is I know he’ll lead me to her again. I just pray she finds someone who treats her better than I ever did, which shouldn’t be hard. She’ll probably see this scrolling through twitter or her friends will send it to her making fun of me. I’ll probably get judged by many people especially ones who know  who this is about, but so be it. Everyone has that someone that has a hold on them and that they’ll always love and she was it for me. I just wanted to make the story of my toughest relationship public so hopefully someone who may be going through the same thing or has gone through the same thing knows they’re not alone.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 14, 2020 in random thoughts

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

 
%d bloggers like this: