Today, I discovered the secret to freedom. Let me explain…
Have you ever asked yourself when you’re worried about something, what it is that is actually worrying you? Meaning truly and deeply?
Have you asked yourself what is it that you feel you will have to endure or experience if said thing does or does not happen? Of course, sometimes, like when one is fearing, a negative diagnosis, this would equate to a painful or seriously concerning set of circumstances. But many times, when we are worrying about something, such as something not going our way, we don’t pause and think, how bad would it actually feel if it happened?
I was having one of these moments today. I was notified about a particular (potential) problem with something I was counting on, and I began worrying and being upset that the outcome would not be in my favor; that the situation would not go the way I’d like it to or had hoped it would. And as a result, I sat their stirring and stewing about it.
But then I decided to try something. I have been working on my positivity lately, so I thought, no, I’m going to be happy right now either way and not worry. So I smiled, in order to cultivate the happiness I was trying to manifest. And you know what? For a moment, it worked. I wasn’t so worried and I found, I could be happy with whatever.
And I realized something. I realized that even if it doesn’t go the way I want, and I choose to still be happy…then what am I worried about?
Many worries, at the end of the day, are fear of potential disappointment. Sometimes we are so worried, that we don’t even realize that what we are actually worried about is worrying (or similar emotions, such as a feeling of general upset).
If however, we are choosing to be happy at every moment, to be positive, then the worry is really nonexistent. If I am happy no matter what, whether it goes my way or not, then what is there to fear?
This is where my Passover insight comes in. In this moment (this brief and fleeting moment) where I truly felt happy and unconcerned about the outcome of my potential problem, I felt so free. I felt like, nothing can hurt me. If I am choosing at every moment to be happy, what can bother me? How can something going wrong be that bad, if even when it does, I am still happy?
This is how I realized that positivity is the ultimate freedom.
As Passover approaches, I’ve been thinking about what I am a slave to. (At the seder, we are all supposed to see as ourselves, as we have also gone out from slavery to freedom. This is why people focus on their personal slavery and their path to freedom, this time of year).
While there is actually more than one answer, the one standing out to me now, is my emotions. And more specifically, a false sense of succumbing to them. In other words, if at any particular moment, any particular situation can generate a negative emotion in me, I am not at all in control of myself or my feelings. I am a slave to my emotions (and to life’s circumstances). If however, no matter the situation, I choose to be positive, to be happy, then I am free.
And on top of that, when we feel positive and happy, we actually feel more free. We feel looser and less constrained. Happiness is liberating.
And this is how I discovered the secret to freedom. It’s positivity. But not just positivity: the choice to be positive. Knowing that you can’t be burdened by the feelings of sadness or anxiety no matter what, that you will choose to be happy and positive steadfastly, is such a release…that it is the ultimate freedom.
Author Archives: Ajay Vyas
Today, I discovered the secret to freedom. Let me explain…
Ever felt irritated of everything around you? Ever wanted to just be away from the world and to live just in your own built place of memories?
Ever wanted to lock yourself there and never come back? Ever wanted darkness?
Well, the things you have at present is known as freedom for some wanderering souls.
No, by freedom I don’t mean the permission of doing all the illegal things or freedom from the never ending questions of your parents. Freedom has different meaning for everybody.
For some its FREEDOM, freedom from the cage. Freedom for some is the longing of watching the sunrise, its walking by the sea under the city of stars and it is PEACE, peace of soul. Freedom for some is just a dream, its a wish of breaking out the cage someday and fly, fly high to conquer the mysteries of sky. It is the never ending long drives and tangled romance with moon chasing you or you chasing the moon. Freedom for some
means breathing independence and giving out all fears. Freedom for some is escape from the cage of loneliness to the warmth of crowd. It is to admire the brightness of the loving old couple and not to replay the darker past. It is to cherish the fight of little cuties and a poor boyfriend getting cursed for being late..for some, freedom is to just watch people living, living without a cage..For some it is to make others happy so that they can lighten some weight from their fetters of sins and to fly high towards the peace..for some freedom is to get high, high on the beauty of nature and to loose themselves in it. Freedom for some is not just to live and breathe, it is to love without fear, fear of society..it is to be alive, it is to chase dreams. Freedom is to feel Everything out of Nothing.
Freedom is breaking out the cage to a new morning of tranquillity. But freedom now is a thing, far away from the society…
I’ve been shoving this away for a long time now. The only way I make things real in my head is when I write about whatever has happened, and I refused to let go of you because how could I accept that you have left me? You never did. When I kicked you, when I pulled your tail, when I whacked your snout in an effort to make you leave the room or at least move away from me, you never did. And now, when you’re gone, I’m the one pulling your memory closer to me, because you were, and you are a part of me.
One of the most important people in my life told me something that hit only now. You’re not here now and you won’t be here again. But the memories I have of you, with you, are mine. They are bequeaths you left me, and no one can possibly take them away from me. That was the beauty of your existence too. By acknowledging me as your mistress and by giving me all your loyalty, love, affection and care, you had made yourself irreplaceable. You had made yourself one of the few points of gravity that kept me grounded.
You had such human eyes. I wouldn’t call them smart because you were, well, daft. But human eyes. Kind eyes. A lot of people questioned why, exactly, I acted like I did when I lost you; ‘Just a dog’, ‘you can buy another puppy’, and my personal favourite, ‘you can only feel for non-humans, can’t you?’. But what these people don’t realize is that you weren’t just a dog to me. You came to me during a phase in my life where I didn’t know if I was still human. I was a monster with an abject lack of empathy. You taught me so much.
You taught me to let go of grudges. To enjoy little things. To appreciate routine. To love unconditionally. To show love artlessly. To give all of myself. To demand love that I deserve. To want someone’s smile enough to make a fool of myself to extract it. To accept new people, but be wary enough to protect myself. You taught me how to be a better person and you taught me how to love. Funnily, most of the humanity I exhibit, I learned from a dog. I’m thankful for that, because people would have taught me with words. You, however, taught me by example and that’s why the lessons have stuck with me.
I’m going to have dogs after you. I had dogs before you. Some day, you’ll be a part of the data I’ll transfer from machine to machine, struggling to keep my youth alive through digital reminiscence. But there will be things I won’t forget. I won’t forget the month of research it took to narrow down on you, the first visit to the pet store as we searched for a beagle, the first time we met you, at 9pm, when you, a tiny, overfed, waddling puppy decided to choose us. The look on mom’s face when you went ahead brazenly, as though driven by an inherent instinct, and curled up into a ball on her feet. The first time you entered your new home, in a blue polythene bag, a tiny head poking out, almost too adorable to be real.
The most telling sign of you being my dog was the dog trainer’s reaction to you. He was a professional, and he gave up on you in a week, and all he said was ‘let him be, he’ll learn what he needs to, himself.’ There was a certain camaraderie you and I shared as the troublemakers of the house. And that’s what I’ll miss. In a house full of people with focus, determination and an innate sense of right and wrong, we were always mildly left of center. Our moral compasses, although aligned with each other, were slightly skewed from everyone else’s. Maybe the fact that you were too human for your own good, and I was, and am, not human enough, developed into a solidarity that I wouldn’t have given up for the world.
There were days you were my only friend, and you truly were good company. Not many friends stay when you push them away, but you did. You always did. You stayed with me when I actively tried to shoo you away. That was possibly the most important lesson you taught me; that I’m worthy and capable of loving and being loved. I’m still learning, and there are people I wish I could have introduced you to, because they’re showing me the truth behind your lessons. I think you would’ve liked them.
I have so many regrets, in retrospect. That one night when I could’ve taken you for a walk but I was too tired to, and let the maid take you. The days when I was cranky and didn’t play with you even though that was, sometimes, the only thing that could make things okay. The days when I was at the vet’s with you and instead of comforting you, I was too absorbed in a novel. The times I didn’t love you as much as you deserved to be loved, and the times when I didn’t do your simple love justice. I know it’s too late for platitudes, but I truly did think I could have loved you tomorrow. And now, suddenly, tomorrow doesn’t exist.
I need you to promise me a few things. I need to know you’ll be okay. I know you’re loving all this attention, wherever you are. You need to promise to be good. Don’t bite people with red umbrellas. Don’t fall into ponds. Don’t cry when I come home late. Don’t beg for chicken when someone’s cooking. Don’t make a fool of yourself for papaya. Don’t jump onto sofas and challenge Mom to retaliate. Don’t poke your nose into the kitchen and whine for raw vegetables. Don’t drag your leash into mud. Don’t run away when someone tries to bathe you. Don’t do that retarded beagle water dance.
I loved you, you little goof. I still love you. You took with you a small part of me. In return, you gave me limitless amounts of love and a pool of memories I can dip into in times of dire need because your unpretentious, uncomplicated love translated into fortitude and support. It translated into an aim; An aim to love as well as you have loved me
Question everything, including your beliefs. When I’m having one of those days where I get stressed out and things seem unfair, I always find myself asking “are my thoughts about this actually correct?” I find that in any circumstance, there are several ways to interpret events. I won’t lie and say there is always a positive. Sometimes there isn’t. But there is often a neutral version, more of a “ok, this happened, now what?” It causes me to look for solutions and how to best manage my present situation rather than waste my precious energy fuming about it. I can tell so clearly now when I’m falling down that rabbit hole of negative stress. It feels horrible. I feel hopeless and on the verge of tears (unfortunately this is most often at work!) This type of stress is not healthy. But there IS a form of stress that is healthy, and it’s the type that stimulates your mental and physical resources to not just get through a situation, but to prosper from it, to develop skills that you can use later. To open to a different perspective you might not have considered before. All you have to do is question your own beliefs, to not take on faith that what your mind tells you is true. Not everything you think about the world is even your own idea; you were taught how to think the things you do. Look at those thoughts. If they aren’t helping to uplift you during times of stress and darkness, they aren’t serving you.
Deep down we just want to give someone the love we have inside ourselves and hope that they will do the same, but sometimes we’re disappointed with the love they give us in return.
Maybe it’s because we expect too much and give too little. Or maybe we don’t expect anything at all and give every bit of love we have. We give away all of our love to a person who doesn’t appreciate it, who takes it for granted and metaphorically walks all over it, and then we save no love for ourselves. We have none leftover for us because we squandered it all on them, on a person who we think we want, maybe even need, but they are neither of these things.
We don’t want someone who mistreats us; we don’t want someone who takes our love for granted, and yet we consistently try to make it work with those who do just that. We convince ourselves we want this person simply because we want to feel connected to something deeper than ourselves.
But that is one of the most important connections we can make. And maybe this is why we love the chase. Maybe this is why we try to make it work with those who play hard to get, with those who are unattainable, because we don’t fully comprehend the love that we deserve. Or maybe we’re able to comprehend it, but we don’t want to believe it. We don’t want to believe that we deserve a love that’s real, a love that knows no games, a love that doesn’t play pretend, but just is.
Because we’re afraid that if we finally find someone who treats us right, who doesn’t give games the time of day, who leads with sincerity rather than insecurity, someone who finally shows us what real love feels like, we’re afraid they’ll leave, or worse, we’re afraid we’ll make them.
We’re afraid that we won’t be able to accept their love, and instead we’ll make a mess of it. And then we’ll have experienced what real love feels like, and everything else in comparison will feel like less. We think that nothing will feel as good as the love this person showed us because we think we’ll only ever find one love that’s real. But every love we experience feels real when it’s happening, and we don’t realize otherwise until someone gets hurt.
We need to understand that we do deserve love, the real kind, the kind that wraps its arms around you and won’t let you go, the kind that is playful with your spirit and not your emotions, the kind that feels so good it scares you. And you might be lucky enough to find it once and never have to find it again, but even if you find it and lose it just as quickly, there’s more opportunity for you to experience it once, twice, infinitely more.
Just because you’ve been hurt before doesn’t mean you have to look for love in all the wrong places. Your attempt and desire to love someone who can’t love you in return is simply you wasting the time to find someone who can.
And when you finally find it you need to not be afraid because the love that I’m referring to senses fear, and when it does, it changes. It becomes less like love and more like uncertainty. And you’ll never be fully certain about anything or anyone. There will always be questions, but not knowing the answers gives you something to look forward to. Because even if we knew all of the answers to how our life is going to happen, and who is going to happen in it, we might still wonder what would change if it were to happen differently.
Don’t indulge in the love you know you cannot have, find the love that gives as much to you as you give it in return. Find the person who leaves a bit of love left over for you; find the person who allows you to love yourself as much as you love them.
Its been six months and he still remembers the night when she walked off away from him. Just a mere thought about it makes him go restless. One chance. That’s all he ever asked for to make things right again. All he needed was one last chance to bring his girl back in his life again. Even his hands were tired. There was scarcity of blood in his body or maybe the drops were too adamant to drip out. He wanted to hurt himself for letting her down.
He kept ringing her phone but there was no answer from the other side. He kept trying umpteen times when finally someone picked up the phone.
‘Baby please don’t hang up on me. Just give me one chance to explain’, a trembling voice spoke out.
‘I’m leaving. Forget me’, she cried out and hung up on him. She moved offshore the next week when she finally accepted her father’s term of staying away from him.
They both lost the war on the battlefield of love. Terror crawled in, chills ran down his body as his feelings hit the ground and shattered completely.
Endless nights of regret, troubled sleep, constant dudgeon inside him for hurting her but then he was already too tired of flailing himself.
Six months now and he could hardly even sleep. Her memories became his lullaby. The drug he wanted to crave was no longer there.
The next morning was a surprising one when his phone read a text, ‘Hey dumbo’.
And there he sat drowning in the déjà vu with the long forgotten smile on his face. The battle was not over yet……..!
How to stop waiting for her and bring her closer,
He sat at the beach, till the waves came closer.
He said if pain must come, may it come quick,
Because he had a life to live, and waiting was making him sick.
He thought if she has to make a choice, may she make it now,
Then he will either wait for her or forget her somehow.
He have learned that waiting is most difficult thing, and he wants to get used to it,
Knowing that she is still with him, even when she is not by his side nor close near.
He said “I don’t care how wonderful heaven is, I won’t be content waiting forever for you.”
Deep from my heart I still love and will only love you.
His heart used to hear her voice whispering “I’ll come back to you babyboy , I say. I promise you, if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll come back to you”,
“I’ll count the minutes until you do.” he says I love you.
I will change for you, I will listen to you, I will do anything whatever makes you happy,
Please stop and tell me once, “I love you, baby!”
How to stop waiting for her and bring her close,
He sat at the near the beach besides his red rose.