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Category Archives: random thoughts

It’s okay to be sad, but it’s not okay to always be sad.

Life is beautiful and we should always be grateful to have been given the chance to experience all that life has to offer, but let’s face it. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. There are days when all that surrounds us is pitch black  and we can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel. In these instances, people have different ways of coping. Most people I know try to just shrug it off, thinking that maybe if they try hard enough to ignore it, the sadness would just go away. They refuse to give in to sadness, refuse to let the tears fall, refuse to admit that they are sad. I envy these people and their positivity. Why can’t I be more like them? That would make my life so much easier.

I may be the most emotional person I know. I cry when I’m happy and I cry when I’m sad. I don’t know how to fake a smile and I definitely don’t know how to fake being happy. Sometimes, it is hard. Most people see it as being dramatic, they say I’m too fragile and too sensitive. All they see are the emotions but they don’t bother understanding the reason behind it. I do think it’s okay because whether they do understand or not, what’s more important is that I understand myself. I don’t see my emotions as a weakness. In fact, it is my strenght. During my share of dark days, I often let my sadness take over me, for it is then that I understand myself more and my situation, the reason that I’m sad and what needs to be done to make this sadness just temporary, because that’s how it should be, temporary. It’s okay to be sad but what makes it so bad is if you let it be your way of life. Don’t let sadness become a habit. Cry it out, scream, let it out of your system. In my case, I let it flow through my poetry (that’s why all of them are sad).  Keeping it in for way too long makes it a part of you, seeping in your every vein, crowding in your lungs until it gets too hard for you to breath.

I may not be a very positive person, but I always try to let all my emotions out so I don’t end up a very unhappy one.

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2020 in random thoughts

 

Define Your Own Philosophy

“I am sad because life sucks. My life sucks”, she cried.”Why do you need to be sad if life sucks. You know what? Life sucks because you learn the blues and not the yellows”, I replied.

“What does that mean?” She sobbed.”We become tough as a stone while what life teaches us to flow like a river”, I said.

“I don’t get it. If life throws lemons at you, you can’t feel sweetness. Right. That’s an old saying”, she said.”Fuck the old saying. Listen to what I have to say”.”Hmmmmm”.

“Why doesn’t one become good to people because once he was mistreated and he knows how it feels? Why doesn’t he become appreciative of others because once he was insulted? Why doesn’t he become empathetic towards others because he was hurt once?Why doesn’t he stop judging people because once he was judged by others? Why doesn’t he become more understanding of others because once he was misunderstood and bitched about? Why doesn’t he become more giving because he didn’t receive the love and care from the people he deeply loved once? Why doesn’t he become sweet because he knows what bitterness is and how he felt once when people were bitter towards him.

I am bitter because my girlfriend left me. I am angry because my friends didn’t care for me. I am rude because no matter how good I was with people I was betrayed in the end. I am cruel because people have hurt me and have never turned around to look if I am alright. Why? Why carry their dark sides and learn the negative feelings? Why don’t you learn from your own sufferings? Why do you have to carry the legacy of those who did bad things to you. If you would keep doing that the world would never be a better place to live in. You don’t need to read Socrates and Aristotle to know about life’s philosophy. They never read others. Pay attention to your own life and don’t do those things to others because of which you suffered a great deal once. Because life gave you lemons once you don’t need to squirt it in the eyes of others. Swallow the lemon(like Shiva swallowed the venom) and learn the lesson to make it a point that you wouldn’t become like one but you would spread the light because you knew once what darkness felt like. 

 
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Posted by on April 20, 2020 in random thoughts

 

Mistakes


Everyone’s made mistakes. You can’t deny this and say you’ve never made one because nobody besides God is perfect. It’s human nature to make mistakes and there’s no way to avoid it, but mistakes aren’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact they’re good. They may not seem like it at the time that it happens, but they are. They’re good because learning experiences come from mistakes. The only way to learn what you did wrong and how to prevent it next time, is to do wrong. Unfortunately there are some mistakes you’ll never get the chance to correct. As much as you wish you could correct them some mistakes are permanent. These are the mistakes you need to learn from so you don’t make them again. My  biggest mistake was hurting the only girl I’ve ever been in love with and letting her go.  I’m about to tell you all the story of this mistake and what I’ve learned from it. Don’t expect a happy ending because I haven’t even got one yet, but I can see life starting to head that way but even that won’t be a happy ending, just a new beginning.

Back In 2008 I saw a girl that I’ve never seen before at school and from that moment on I knew she was what I wanted. As soon as I saw her I leaned over and asked a girl in my class who she was and she proceeded to tell me. Little did I know I’m friends with one of the new girls friends. Her friend literally told me a day before that the new girl thought I was cute. So I got her number and we texted a little bit which lead to us talking in class, well me trying to talk, but her being really shy she didn’t say much. Nothing really sprouted from this at first. Then we started talking more and more and I started developing feelings. Now, she was showing no interest really so I got involved with this other girl, and that didn’t work out well at all. When that ended the new girl started showing a little more and I mean a little interest. So of course we started communicating more, she wouldn’t chill with me or anything but we talked in class everyday. So my feelings were getting stronger and stronger throughout first semester but she still showed minimum interest in me. Since she was showing little interest I thought I’d do somethings to catch her attention. I did some questionable things that I regret, involving trying to get with her friends, kissing maybe one, maybe two of her friends. Which of course she got mad about, this showed me she at least cared a little bit.

Second semester rolled around and I’m all in, I know this is the girl God sent for me it’s without a doubt who I want. She was still shy and she still got nervous around me which I found really cute. We ended up having a class together. I asked her to prom in front of the class and she thought I did it to embarrass her, so she said no and switched out of the class. After that I figured she still wasn’t interested in me so I continued messing with other girls which evidentially made her even more mad than she already was and pushed her away. We eventually got to a solid point in the relationship where both of us having feelings was established. Later on when I realized I loved her, or so I thought at the time I told her. She didn’t say it back. All her friends were telling her lies and some truths about me and also told her I wasn’t a good guy and that she should stay away. Which at that point in my life I wasn’t, I can admit that. Due to this she had lost all trust in me and didn’t believe anything I said because of my past mistakes. She had moved on shortly after and was talking to someone else. I was heartbroken and the whole second half of my senior year was ruined. I was more depressed than I had ever been. Every time I saw her I felt sick to my stomach, teary eyed, and a feeling of sadness just sat in. Every day I would attempt to talk to her and try to make things right. I’d go to her games, try to talk to her in lunch, by her locker, and text her. Nothing worked. Occasionally she would start talking to me but would remember all the wrong I did to her and change her mind quickly.

I left for college in the fall, I thought for sure all of that would be in my past and that it was done. I was wrong. I got through most of the first semester of college without talking to her and was doing fine. One weekend second semester I went home. I was on the way home and I heard one of the songs I showed her, every time I heard that song I thought of her, still do. So I texted her to get dinner and she was down, it was a double date with my friend and his girl. So we went to dinner and she was flirting, holding my hand, and telling me she missed me. That night ended and I asked her to hangout the next night and she was down again, so her, her friend, and I went to eat where her friend’s boy worked. After he got off and we got done eating we drove around and she told me she still loved me. Of course I still loved her so I told her I still loved her too. They ended up needing a place to stay so they stayed with us two. I had never been happier  than I was that night just holding her. So we got up early the next morning and I left for Atlanta. She didn’t talk to me much that weekend hardly at all actually, so I asked what was up, she told me she didn’t mean anything she said when we hung out and to leave her alone. All that just ripped from me. Being told you’re loved and having it ripped from you is one of the worst feelings ever. I was so depressed I took a week off from college just so I’d be home because I didn’t want to be by myself. She told me I needed to move on and there was no chance of us happening and that she didn’t love me anymore. Then a few weeks later told me she had never loved me.

We never truly dated but I was unfaithful, filling her head with lies, and not being patient with her. I hurt the girl I cared about more than anything. I learned a lot though from the mistakes of this relationship. First, you have to give people and relationships time, some people are slow to open up and you have to respect that. Don’t just assume they don’t like you because they have their walls up. Second, everyone deserves someone that’s faithful if you don’t have intentions of being faithful don’t waste their time. Third, fight for those you love and let them know you care every chance you get. You never know when you might lose them. Fourth, always be honest to the person you’re in a relationship with, they will find out the truth, and it’s going to be better for you if they hear the truth from you first. Last, never depend on someone else for your happiness. Doing this gives the other person too much power in the relationship and they will abuse it. Rely on God and yourself for your happiness.

It’s been almost three years since then and every time I come home I end up seeing her wherever I go. I talk to her occasionally but it’s just checking up. I know it’s over and I’m okay with it. I have gotten over being hurt and feeling the depression I had once felt by filling my heart with God’s love and letting him lead me down the right path. With God I feel uplifted and like a new person. I know she wasn’t the one God has sent for me and if she is I know he’ll lead me to her again. I just pray she finds someone who treats her better than I ever did, which shouldn’t be hard. She’ll probably see this scrolling through twitter or her friends will send it to her making fun of me. I’ll probably get judged by many people especially ones who know  who this is about, but so be it. Everyone has that someone that has a hold on them and that they’ll always love and she was it for me. I just wanted to make the story of my toughest relationship public so hopefully someone who may be going through the same thing or has gone through the same thing knows they’re not alone.

 
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Posted by on April 14, 2020 in random thoughts

 

Welcome Back

I saw her today, briefly at a glance,
In my typical rush of woe day
I am not sure whether she intended it
After quiet disappearance amidst the crowd
Silence between us took a toll on me, i shall not deny
How often can a man get stimulated mentally
in this day and age of plastic cards and paper trails
Everyone is in a rush somewhere with their missed calls
But i loved our brief moments, walking the black sands
Just being…
And so today, it was a great surprise again
I wondered…
Did i scream too loud into the universe last night?
I missed our good conversations
Anyway, she is back somehow, somewhere… there
I am happy to know she is alive and with kind thoughts
Giving me a sign, presence of his silver lining
Whether intended or not , i briefly saw her
At a glance, passing by in her brisk walk
Right by my corner, right then i felt my smile again .. thank you so much my friend
Welcome back to our black sands

 
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Posted by on April 2, 2020 in random thoughts

 

The Propsal

“I cant be with u forever.”she whisperd closing her eyes. “Why are u saying that?”he bellowed holding her shaking in his arms. He kissed on the top of her head gathering the bundle of misres in his hands. “No…No”she whimpered pushing him away with her hands.
“What happened?”he held her arms more closer to himself. She traced his tear striken face with her trembling fingers feeling the pain she infused.
“I cant..I am destroying you.”she blinked her tears from her eyes, the eyes which she never used.
“I love you fool !”he yelled as she rubbed the tears from his face which she never saw. “You can’t destroy your life looking after me.” she hussed struggling to free from his grip
“You are my life.” he smiled sadly. She heaved sighly.
“I can’t be a burden on you.”she felt his grip loosen. Although she wanted that to happen her heart wished opposite.
Damm this love!!!!
“Oh!! so you think I have sympathy for you?” she heard his voice, once the happy voic,
she remained silent
“Listen” he reached before her tucking the hair perfectly. He love those hair of her
“Please. !”she yelled moving sideways only to get hurt on her head.
“Ahhhh!! ” she winced
“Shit cant you see?” he regretted this words “Thats the point I am blind and I m a trouble on you” she groaned tears pouring out of her eyes
“I love you still !” he brushed the wound to clean it with sleeves of his shirt.
“Why ??” she sobbed.
“Love, it is unreasonable..you feel in love in most unexpected time..as I feel for you” she heard his cheerful voice hitting her ears. meanwhile he kneeled down on his knees and said “Baby,I love you from my core of my heart. would you be my better half, would you be grow old with me, would you be at every step of my life with me, would you be my soulmate?” At last she listened to her heart n nodded and that moment she felt cold solid ring between her finger.
“I am your light that guides your way” he whispered moving his lips down and their lips met as he absorbed in her agonies gifting her a shimmering tale to adore vapourizing her insecurities with his love….

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2020 in random thoughts

 

When Two Damaged People Love Each Other

These are the ways we love each other.

We are sitting in the same room, not talking. You are playing video games and killing dark things on screen, whilst I am writing away every violent memory that has crept through my mind in the last ten minutes. There is no pressure of conversation. There is no necessity in this. It is simply being and we are both dealing with our demons in our own ways. The difference is, we understand that – without talking about it.

We are leaving a restaurant in the middle of Delhi (C.P), after a beautiful day and I see her, the girl who haunts my memories. My whole body withers in fear and as you look up in her direction, she is gone like she was never there, just a memory. You wrap your arm around me as we walk, not asking any questions just understanding. Later, Facebook reminds you of a memory you would much rather forget, and as I pull you close into a hug, I can feel the storm shaking inside your body.

We are in a Doctor’s office and you’re silent. I know how much you hate it here and how everything about this place makes you need to hold the broken pieces of you together even more fiercely. I touch your hand and you look up at me, lost, then look away again. The silence isn’t the problem. The memories are, and it takes someone who hates being in this room as much as you do understanding that. You say to me “I’m sorry I brought you with me.” I smile and squeeze your hand tight. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I didn’t fall in love with you because you were perfect. I fell in love with you because you were so honest and you never ever hid your damage.

We are lying in bed, both wide awake, not sleeping. Caught between nightmares and the moon, the Sandman has forgotten us completely. After a while of restless shifting, you get up and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I stay in bed and watch the ghosts of our pasts shift in our bed, waiting for you to return. When you do, we chase them away with a midnight film – an old black and white movie. We both know that getting up tomorrow is going to be a pain, that we will be exhausted at work – but there is no fighting insomnia when it is immersed in our bodies so deeply.

Some days, we look at each other like we are about to say something and then stop – almost as if the clock in our heads have told us not to speak about it yet. The difference is, there is no pressure to speak about it until we are ready.

You see, the way we love is different because we are broken. Whilst others love in flowers and songs and conversation, we love in silence and helping each other pick up the pieces. Our love is a quiet journey in healing. Our love is where we wait for the other to fix themselves and help them grow slowly.

You see, we are damaged, so we love a bit differently. These ways in which we say ‘I love you’ aren’t perfect. But they are balm for healing, a balm for dark memories.

You once asked me, “How can you love something as broken and damaged and unhinged as me?”

It’s easy, my darling, you are damaged and broken and unhinged. But so are shooting stars and comets.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2020 in random thoughts

 

Reach For You


It’s the middle of the night and that anxious feeling is eating a hole through my stomach- it’s as if all the trauma of the world are just echoes of my own trauma, and I don’t know how any of this can be ok. I want to reach out to you, but I don’t want to rob you of the precious reprieve that is sleep- in slumber we’re all safe from the horrors that lurk around every corner, and haunt the doorways of every door. Tonight my heart is pounding, breaking, fading, and I don’t want to be a burden to you. But I tentatively reach out and find you are there, like you always are. You’re a safe place where I can put down all my anguish, you’re loving arms where I can rest. But sometimes I find it hard to believe that it won’t all disappear. If life has taught me anything, it’s that nothing can be trusted. I stomp down on you to make sure you’re solid- you don’t budge one bit, but you bleed and silent tears find their way to your chin. And I’m sorry, you know, I’m so sorry. My fence-checking is brutal. I have no excuse. I seem to hurt what I love to make sure it’s safe and solid. Like taking a bat to a tank just to make sure. I know that I’ve done the wrong thing- I always wear my mistakes openly. I don’t shy away from what is my responsibility to claim and rectify. And you know, if I could take it back, I would. But somehow you seem to understand. You wear scars of a similar design, only you never sink to dark places- you simply trust I am solid because I say so. But I’m the tester. I’m the deplorable checker. I’m the one who can’t believe in the ground beneath my feet or the air in my lungs, without proof. I’m the inexcusable. I’m the trauma-coated dry wall with a hole punched in it. And you’re…
Simply tender. Effortlessly loving. I wish I could be more like you. But sometimes I find myself crouched in the shadows, snarling at things that aren’t there. And how am I supposed to trust that I feel loved, when I’m not even sure what that’s like. How do I prepare myself for ruin, if my guards come down all the way. Even the broken pieces are broken, and there’s not much left to salvage. But what there is, is all that I have.How can I believe you won’t turn these broken shards to dust, and just leave me hollowed-out? I have always fled before it could reach that bitter point upon the horizon. I’m a runner with soles worn all the way through. And now you’re asking me to take off my running shoes, and stay in one place with you. And you know, I think I could, stay. With you. But I’m not really sure what that would be like, but I know what I see in my mind’s eye. It could be beautiful, if I could trust in it. And my trust is expensive and rare. I just need your soul in exchange. Nothing more. I promise.
I wake to find anxiousness feasting on my guts, and you know, I didn’t want to be a burden. But I reached out for you to find you were there. Whenever I reach out for you, you are there. Now if only you could do that, unfailing, forever. I might begin to believe that you’re not going anywhere. But when I call to you, you answer. When I reach out for you, you are there. I’m trying not to runaway, but it feels so safe to disappear…

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2020 in random thoughts

 

Love me in a paragraph,I will reply you in novel

You are my love story
and when the world collapses around me
I want to get lost in your arms
like in the pages of a book
and I want to be your hero,
want to explore
all of the scenarios of our own book
and I want to live through the prologue
right up to the end.
In the chapters of my body
I want to tell you the story of true love
as through you all of my fantasies become reality.
My love, together we will determine
the contents of the book
and only with each other
our story will end happily.
My darling, you will be the author and heroine
and I will be the hero
in our one intriguing story
while the end is still to be written
and love is like having popcorn-moments:
where we must first go through the fire
before our story can really qualify
as a real love
as there need to be a little romance,
some tragedy,
lots of happy moments,
some misfortune,
times of prosperity,
at times a bit of unhappiness
to appreciate times of joy
and some misunderstandings to know each other better
and a lot of passion
to find beautiful moments
and lots of making-up, my love,
to determine the outcome
of this blockbuster a love story.

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2020 in random thoughts

 

The feelings you ignite in me

It’d been a little while since I’d seen you. I had been counting down the weeks, then the days, and then the hours until I saw you again. There was a jittery feeling inside my stomach as I wondered if we would feel the same as we did the last time we saw each other. But the moment I saw your face all those worries washed away, replaced by happiness and excitement. You were here with me again! In the flesh! I could see you smile and enjoy being in your presence. I was an ocean of different feelings all tumbling about; nervous, excited, scared, grateful, shy…and many other things. But one of the feelings that kept resurfacing over and over again was a hungry, almost-painful need to be physically close to you. I needed to be alone with you. Locked away in a bedroom, together, between sheets…
My face felt warm at the thought. My heart began to quicken at the mental imagery dancing through my mind. I couldn’t help it- I’d never in my life experienced such an intense and overwhelming blend of physical and emotional attraction. And even though our hearts were enmeshed, our bodies had yet to follow. The butterflies flitted madly in my stomach and I briefly wondered if I would even be able to work up the courage to take you to bed. Maybe another visit…maybe another time…
And then you kissed me- slow and smoldering, soft and hungry, deep and delicious. I knew then that I’d battle through my nerves- whatever that meant. I’d peel out of my clothes with shaky hands and a feeling of light-headless if I had to. But I couldn’t let you leave again without your sweet scent being absorbed by the pores of my skin, leaving me bathed in your fragrance; the remnants of being claimed by you. You couldn’t leave without making me yours through a carnal take-over. There’s a sort of branding that comes with physical intimacy: enmeshed hearts are validated; love pours onto the sheets and echoes through the heat-filled room. Energy intertwines and the outside world sees the glow of unification between the two. And so, it wasn’t a mere want. It was a need. I needed to have you and be had by you. But I was scared.You make me nervous. I feel green and new and unsure- as if all my experience and knowledge and skill never existed. As if I were approaching you as a virgin- this thought amused me and I found my lips curved up in one corner, in a smirk, at my own idiocy. I am not a trembling virgin approaching the big, scary unknown. I am more of a little vixen with a tongue of gold and deft fingers to match. But under the heat of your blue-eyed gaze I am a trembling lamb. I am unsure of myself, doubting my skills, doubting my ability to please you. Doubting that you will really want the landscape under my clothes. I draw in a shaky breath and I feel a little queasy. I half-laugh, and for a brief moment I can clearly see how ridiculous I am being. But then the fear rushes in again. But I want you. I want you so terribly it’s all I can think about. But my nervousness is relentless and I come to fear the moment when we’re alone, when the sheets are waiting patiently to drink up our love. When you’ll finally see me stripped bare, of everything. The moment finally comes when we are alone, behind a closed and locked door. Daylight is right outside the blind, but we hold each other without the lights on. There’s plenty of light in this room and there will be no hiding- I briefly entertain the idea of chickening-out. Of waiting until another time. But we kiss, it’s a kiss that moves electricity down my body and makes the insides of my thighs warm and wet. You suck my tongue into your mouth and I moan softly, melting into this sensuous moment. I’m still nervous but the intensity of the feeling is muted by the ravenous hunger I feel for your touch. Our lips and tongues dance in a lustful assault and I sigh with relief as your fingers make their way down my body; where their wet and wanting target is dying to be hit. A thrill moves through me as your fingers move past the waistband of my underwear and slip downwards, meeting with the slickness there. My knees obediently draw apart, granting your fingers easier access.I quietly suck in a tiny, sharp breath of surprise when you push your way inside of me, and it feels so good it’s all I can do not to steal control and push myself down on you, taking you deeper inside of me. The butterflies in my stomach seem to have icy-razor wings and somehow the fear and nerves collide with lustful wanting, making for an overwhelming inner-climate. But I don’t want you to stop. I might die if you stop. My head swims in sheer pleasure as your skillful fingers feed the hungry mouth between my parted thighs. I could let you fuck me like this until I soak your fingers in cum, but this is only the warm up. This is only the beginning and my skin is already warm, I can already feel my heart pulsing wildly in my throat. I’m already soaking wet and desperate to cum from the sensation of you inside me-the sensation your skillful fingers easily demand of my body. My mouth opens to give up a little cry, and then your fingers suddenly retreat. I feel you pull out of me, and it leaves me desperate and wanting. Our eyes meet and I see a hungry look on your face that makes the insides of my thighs impossibly more wet- you’re going to fuck me until I cum on your mouth- I can see the promise burning in your eyes. Your soft, pillowy lips travel down my stomach in a straight line- my head swims and nervousness awakens the razor-winged butterflies in my belly. I’m scared again. But I’ve been made too wet and too hot to care. I see your face move between my thighs. I moan and close my eyes as I feel your fingers push into me again-I welcome them, swallowing your fingers deeply into my starving core. Your fingers work me with expert skill and I swim in pure pleasure which begins to grow steadily. Suddenly your tongue invites itself to the sweet slaughter going down between my open legs. I want to cry out but the sound is choked and gagged by the sensations taking me over. Your tongue skillfully assaults the little bud atop the slick lips your fingers are feeding, and the serpentine movements of your tongue give the hot little bud a heartbeat all of its own.begin to climb the ladder of pleasure quickly, more quickly than I want to. My fingers claw into the sheets in white-knuckled fists, my toes curl and my knees want to snap together like a sprung trap. My body trembles as a ferocious pleasure tears through me, rushing through the layers of all that I am, consuming me like an invisible fire. And then, just as quick as it came, it’s gone. I’m suddenly wrung-out, spent, shaky, weak. Fragile. You move up from between my thighs and come to rest at my side, you lean in towards me and we kiss. I taste my sex on your lips and it fills me with the desire to have my own taste of you. I want my mouth soaked in your sex. I want your taste on my tongue, I want to swallow your desire for me down my throat. My fingers do not savour you as yours savoured me- my tongue is impatient and watering for your taste. I find myself kneeling before your parted knees and I sit back, tying my hair up in itself while I admire the pretty pink place between your inner thighs, the place my tongue so badly wants to be. I lay on my stomach and move my face between your thighs like a man dying of thirst before an oasis. A little moan escapes from the back of my throat as I taste you, but it’s not enough, I want to be inside you too. My fingers push inside you, taken in a choking grip and I look up to read your face, so I can make sure I’m not hurting you. But your fingers claw through my hair and I can hear your cries and feel your hips roll in to meet my movements. I close my eyes and I’ve found pure, hot, unadulterated Elysium. I want to stay here forever with your sex coating my fingers and tongue. I want to live between your thighs, I want my face to be the place where your carnal hunger is satiated.I moan from the back of my throat as my fingers and tongue work on you. I feel your grip on the roots of my hair tighten, you pull my face in closer, shoving me deeply between your legs, and I take my cue and pick up my pace; harder, faster, but consistent rhythm. Your thighs close in around my head and you cry out- the sound ripples through me and I know it’s a sound I want to hear over and over and over again, for the rest of my life. I pull myself away from the heaven between your legs, and I come to lay beside you- we come in close together and we are a mess of interlocking arms and legs. We hold each other in the sweet after-moments as our heart rates begin to calm, and we bask in the glory and intensity of the connection we share; this unusual bond that moves through the unseen dimension, ploughing madly into the physical. I lay with you in my arms and I know I love you with my whole being. I know you are the one. I know that physical love of this kind cannot happen where the hearts and soul haven’t met. And we have met- our hearts and souls are well-known to each other, our bodies simply needed to catch up. I close my eyes and breathe you in, and I am drowning happily in an ocean of love and gratitude. The feel of your bare skin against mine is sensuous and soon I am wanting you again. I lay with you in my arms, your sweet scent and your nakedness intoxicate me. The pink peaks atop my heavy breasts harden painfully and the place between my thighs is already hot and wet again, my wanting for you slick on the insides of my thighs. I look at you and the love I feel is so intensely overwhelming, the overflow turns physical, and I want to make love to you. But my sudden hunger for you is ferocious and urgent, it steals the sweetness away, replacing it with a carnal desire- and I know that when I touch you again, it won’t be sweet- I’m going to fuck you like I’m branding you. Because you’re mine. And these are the feelings that you ignite in me…

Drop Your Feedback as writing after so long now 😃

 
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Posted by on February 21, 2020 in random thoughts

 

The Storm

A moody disposition. Deep, penetrating eyes of obsidian that rage with silent hell-fire. Powerful and sky-sweeping. Strong and guarded. Damaged and broken.
He is the man who desperately wants to be a father, but who never goes anywhere without a rubber in his pocket.
He is the man who wants to love and be loved, but pain is all he knows.
He is the cold and unfeeling creature that eats up pretty things and spits their bones onto the cold, tiled floor before daybreak.
He is a hunter that doesn’t need to hunt. His prey lay themselves at his feat, begging to be devoured.
He is the man who can have whatever he wants, but only truly desires what doesn’t want him.
He is a memory fading quickly.
He’s a body to be buried.
He is a trauma to suppress.
He is just Storm to me. But a God to everyone else.
They say he didn’t quite recover. That for a long time the only snacks he brought home to munch on were blondes with heads that didn’t clear his shoulder.
They said he gave his liver the work-out of a lifetime, and corroded the lining of his stomach.
They say he couldn’t sleep in his own bed for months…
They say.
But who the fuck are they? Who are they to say?
He is the man still fighting with a dead man. His father’s ghost hangs in the corner of every room.
He doesn’t drink to drown his demons. He drinks to let them loose so he can have a break. His body is a temple, but inside there are sights that will make you turn away. There are things there you’re not allowed to see.
But I caught glimpses. His father’s ghost held me down against my will and stole a part of me.
My body was another playground, until a Storm arrived, leaving the ground soaked in blood and regret.

 Storm is black ink down the back of my throat that I am trying to cough up.
Storm is a nightmare wrapped in a dream, encased in a nightmare, cocooned in cobwebs from the past.
He is obsessed with hygiene, but leaves a mess everywhere he goes and on everyone he touches.
From the outside, he looks just like another pair of combat boots, walking the pavement of a Garrison city.
He is strong but fragile- splintering without warning. Spun glass that looks like titanium.
He is a battle hardened knight that would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat for you. Just because.
He is disappointed and confused.
He is healing, far away.
He is the subject that I’m ready to put down now.
He’s a dappled dream that I gently lay to rest.
Who the fuck is Storm?
Honestly, I don’t know anymore…

 
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Posted by on February 20, 2020 in random thoughts

 
 
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