Category Archives: random thoughts


Today I wanted to write about a topic that I see not only people around me struggling with, but one that I struggle with myself every now and then.

It seems to me that we are often occupied with wishing for things. “If only… then I would be so happy”. “I wish I had her life – I wish things would be so easy for me “. “I wish I could eat whatever I want and stay slim”. “I wish I was smarter”. “I wish I had more time”. “I wish he would understand me”. I wish. I wish.
Ever since  I moved to New Delhi, people frequently tell me they’d like to swap lives with me because I have “such an amazing life” (according to my pictures on Facebook/Instagram).
People see me as a very positive person living in a world of “sunshine, rainbows and unicorns”. But boy, I can tell you. In my head, my life is far from perfect too…! YES, I’m often unsatisfied and “wishing” too. To give you a sample of things I was unhappy about last week: I wished I could eat lot of junk food and beer each day without gaining any weight. I wished I was a faster runner. I wished my girlfriend (which I don’t have ) would have some more time every now and then. I wished I could see my sisters a bit more. I wished I had some more time for reading. I wished the weather would be better when my friends would be over to visit me. I wished I could enjoy the nice weather instead of spending my time behind my desk.
We seem to be on this lifelong path of seeking happiness – and mostly focusing on what is not there. We act as being dependent on the chances we get, our circumstances and our “wishes that’ll be granted”.
Lessons learned
I have been reading quite some books on self-motivation, self-improvement and self-development. Honestly, I realize some of you might not be fans of such books, but it has brought me great value (and I’ll share a blog post later with some insights from my favourite book). Reading these books, there’s definitely 3 things I’ve learned:
Too often, we pretend to be victims of our circumstances. As Stephen Covey (one of my favourite authors) puts it: “When life does not go our way or we inadvertently make a mistake, it is so easy to make excuses, place blame on others, or argue that circumstances were against us. But we only progress in life to the extent that we take responsibility for our actions and attitudes, and put forth the initiative necessary to create our own circumstances” and “when we succumb to believing that we are victims of our circumstances and yield to the plight of determinism, we lose hope, we lose drive, and we settle into resignation and stagnation.” The moment we realize we are responsible for our own lives, is the moment we realize we can create and shape our lives as we want it to be.We create our own happiness.Knowing that we are the responsible for our lives we should know that “Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice.” What is crucial here, is that we realize that even in case something bad happens, it is up to us to make the best out of it. And this could be about anything. For example, imagine you lose your job due to a restructuring in your company. It can be devastating. The question is: what do you do next? Will you stay home, on your sofa to complain about the situation, whilst watching some Netflix? Or will you go out and look for new opportunities?Practising gratitude makes us happy. But creating happiness is more than being responsible and “making the best out of life”. Creating happiness, being happy, being joyful,… is as well about realizing your blessings.
Yes, we may be born in “bad” circumstances. We may be unhappy with certain aspects of life. But how “bad” are these things in fact? In case you experienced a traumatic experience, then yes, I agree you will probably suffer from it mentally (and potentially as well physically).
But look around and realize how great your life is. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of people wishing to have what you have. The same is true for me. I indeed have so much in my life to be grateful for. But too often, I forget. And you know what? Science has proven that practising gratitude makes us more joyful and happy. Happiness comes to those who appreciate the present moment, no matter what it looks like. It creates abundance.

Of course, this all sounds nice and amazing. Yet fluffy. So how to put this into practise? Even for me, . “Rainbow, sunshine and stars ”, this seems very difficult. So I did some research and decided for myself to get going some new habits. To create these habits, I will list down the things I wish to do and I’ll start with a period of 1 month to get it going.
What I will do every single day:
Take a few minutes every morning to write down 5 things I appreciate in life to cultivate an air of positivity for myself and people around me. To get started, over the first two weeks, I will post every day a picture on my Instagram to share something I’m grateful for.I will carry a (physical) “token” of gratitude with me (I’ll have to figure out something this evening) to remind me to appreciate the smallest blessings around me. I have food in the fridge, decent clothes to wear and a roof above my head. I have a great job, a phone, an amazing brother (more than a “small blessing” for sure). Whenever I feel the token, I will use it as a reminder to stop, breathe and take a moment to fully experience the emotion of gratitude. In general, I think we should look more at the bright side of life (okay, I realize it sounds cheesy). For example, some of my favourite friends are coming over to new Delhi for the weekend and I’m disappointed it will be raining. I should just turn my negative thoughts (on rain) into: YES, my friends are coming!
I realize this post is -again- becoming longer than I intended it to be. anyhow – to wrap up- it would be really cool if you would join me in my journey and start practising gratitude. I’m convinced it will be a very easy step towards (even) more rainbows and sunshine. So who’s in?!

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Posted by on July 27, 2017 in random thoughts


My Muse

Hey You …
Yes You , you make me feel things that I shouldn’t. .. I hate you, because you make me stare at my phne for hours…. Because whenever My phone rings I wish it’s you … Because whenever I upload something, I don’t care what people think or how many people have actually seen it coz only yours ‘seen ‘ matters .. maybe a bit more than it should. .. Because every time I don’t speak to you I feel something is missing. … Because everytime you upload a picture with a girl I feel jealous. .. Yes I feel jealous from all the people who gets to be around you everyday and that I can’t. .. I get jealous of the people you talk to coz I can’t even have a proper conversation with you. 

I hate you because I feel happy around you. ..Because everytime I am around you I feel nothing but butterflies. . I just wish I could have you all to myself but that’s a bit selfish of me I guess. .. I wish I am always the person on your last dial , your last post,  your last mention or your last updated but then again that’s not possible.

I hate it when you make me question myself. .. When I conflict with me whether or not I should call or text you … When I see myself in the mirror and hate the reflection in it because I am just not beautiful enough for you to see me … when you make me think everything twice…. I hate it when you are with some other boy and even then I still care… when you just not taking care of yourself and I am scared about your health.

I don’t know what exactly Is that I am feeling. .. And I know it’s wrong for me to feel or think this way. .. Am I being selfish?  Will I loose you? Have I turned crazy?  It’s harmful to think about you whenever or wherever. .. It’s not good to always have your name on my tongue every time I say something. .. It’s bad to have you in my dreams every consecutive nights. ..It’s crazy to have all my status reffered to you!! 
Well Everyday I tell my brain to STOP over thinking every fucking thing… To stop thinking about you. .. To stop taking your name… Stop wasting your time wating for you to reply or call… Stop ruining every other conversation … to stop searching for your face in the crowd … Just stop messing with my feelings. ..But  it only grows .. It’s like my mind, my brain and my soul have started to rebel against me… Like they are on a battle… 
Trust me I am not really scared that you’ll know who you are. .. But I am scared that if I loose this battle the only person at loss would be me … Because I know me .. this is not the first time this happened to me but it’s also not the last time this is happening. . I am scared that I’d stop talking or interacting to you… we would loose what we have. .Moreover I’d loose you … If that happens trust me I’ll recover because I have before. .. But I’d loose a piece of me .. You’d take somethings away which I don’t want to. .. I am just holding onto some pieces of us and hoping these strange feelings vanish away. .. So that I’d have you in my life for a tad bit longer. And I hate you because you inspire some of my writings …..How all of sudden did you became my muse?..and at last ..
Dear No One … I Love you!!!! Maybe more than I could think of .. But I do 


Posted by on July 25, 2017 in random thoughts


Relationship Depth

“Oh my god!”, she grabbed my arms tightly and screamed loud enough to disturb the other couple who were near our seats. We were in a theatre watching a horror movie. “Ssshhh!”

I gestured her to keep quiet and she replied in a small whisper “Sorry baby!” It was our vacations, and the love of my life finally agreed to go out on a movie with me. She looked beautiful and angelic in a dark blue top and a jean. We scanned through the list of movies at the cinemas. Even though there were many romantic movies, she persuaded me to go for a horror flick.
The movie started and I didn’t find anything so horrifying enough that would  scare an 18 year old. Still I could see her beautiful eyes, gazing at the screen with fear and she was constantly shouting, holding my hands and hiding her face in my shoulders. That looked cute, but still it was lame since nothing was so terrifying.
I asked her, “If you are so scared, why did you want to watch a horror film? There were so many other romantic ones.” She replied with naughtiness in her eyes, “Oh. Will my mister stay quiet if we were to opt for a romantic one? So keep quiet and watch the film.”
I gave an embarrassing smile and turned to look at the screen. “Damn, she’s smart” I thought. The film ended and we came out, checked in to the food court, had lunch and came out to the parking lot. All this time I maintained silence acting as if I was upset. She asked me, “What is it idiot?” “Nothing.” I replied in a firm tone. I sat on my bike, turned the ignition switch on and kicked the machine to life. She turned it off, took the keys, and said, “Now will my mister please tell me what the problem is? Oh, is it because we went for a horror movie?” She asked as if she read my mind. I didn’t show any objection and I said “Yes!” She cupped my face in her hands, looked around to see if anyone was there and making sure the absence of people, she kissed me. My body froze as her lips met mine. She was looking into my eyes all the time and that made me forget the whole world around. Even after the kiss, i stood there, like a statue. She then took my hand in hers and asked me, “Baby, did you notice how many times I caught your hands and hugged you during the movie? I wasn’t afraid of anything, but I pretended as if I was. I wanted to enjoy your company without your knowledge. I wanted to lie on your shoulders, because I know that, its the safest place on earth.” Her reply stunned me. I fell in love with her again. I kissed her forehead and said, ” Sorry baby, I love you.” She gave that naughty smile again and said, “I hate you okay?” We laughed together, got on the bike and rode away.
This was an incident which helped me realize the depth of a relationship. When we think we are being ignored or not listened to, our partner shows or gives us something, even more pleasant, that which we do not expect. When they ask for something unusual, don’t hesitate and give it a try. Luckily that day, I agreed to her compulsion to watch a horror movie else I wouldn’t have understood her love even more lively.
A mutual understanding is what which can keep the relationships stable. To respect each others wishes and to love and live a life, which can be only put in the forward mode and not reversed.


Posted by on July 23, 2017 in random thoughts


On female perspective

I will  discuss some of the challenges male erotica writers face in a genre that is primarily dominated by women. One of those challenges is the issue of writing from the female perspective. That is, to write from the point-of-view of a female character. In most other genres, this is not a difficult task. Especially for legendary authors, like George R.R. Martin, who seem to know exactly how to portray women who are both strong, and vulnerable. However, in erotica, the challenge is much greater, as we will be scrutinized on how we portray sexual women.

Let me illustrate this point with an example situation I’ve seen many times in erotica reviews. A female author writes a story from the point of view from a woman, and her story is read by another woman. The reader has experienced similar events in her own life, and thinks, ‘my experience was different, but the character is still believable, so the story is good‘. Now, if you take the exact situation, but make the author a man, it’s more likely the female reader will think, ‘my experience was different, but this was written by a guy, so what the hell does he know?’. This is not the case for all readers, of course, but it is an ongoing challenge male writers face right from the start. But how can we effectively portray a sexual woman, who is also believable and relateable to all readers?

We can’t. But we can do the best we can.

There’s no way for us to know exactly how a woman will think, or act, in any given erotic situation. Sometimes, we’ll find, in life, most women will respond with the opposite reaction we use in our stories, which cuts into our credibility. In other cases, our portrayal of women in a certain situation will resonate with some women, and they can relate it to their own experiences. That is what you should try to aim for when you write. As the saying goes: you can please all the people some of the time, you can please some of the people all the time, but you can’t please all people all the time.

So how do we begin to write erotica in a way that can appeal to some of your readers, and begin to build credibility and legitimacy among female readers? Well, there’s a number of things to keep in mind when you begin writing your story. First, remember women are, at their core, complex creatures. Men are normally much more basic, so it’s easy to make us happy with straightforward gestures, like pulling us into the bedrooms, pulling our clothes off, and fucking our brains out. Women, on the other hand, don’t appreciate crudeness, frankness, or pure physical stimulation.

Women want to know more than just how big a man’s dick is, or how hard he rammed into her, etc. Instead, they want to know more about what the characters are thinking, what they’re feeling, and their motivations for this sexual interaction. Thoughts and emotions are powerful in erotica, and help tremendously when it comes to making your characters more human, and relateable. Ask yourself why this situation is happening, and what is causing this woman to consider sexual intercourse, rather than flinging their drink in the guy’s face.

You may have also noticed that I was just using a bit of crude language as well, just a minute ago. Your use of language is also going to be an issue when it comes to appealing to female readers. You may have noticed in a few of my stories, like the Teacher’s Pet, which I wrote back in 2013, the language I used was somewhat crude. Back then, I was only just getting back into writing erotica, and publishing it online. Technically, I was still a new writer, and was still making many of the mistakes new writers make. But my stories were short, and very quick to get to the action, and ended with instant gratification. I was later hired to start ghost-writing some erotica novels, with the requirement of each one being at least 5,000 words. I learned, very quickly, what the secret to writing good erotica was.

Take things slow.

I realized, if I wanted to reach my required word count, I needed to pace my story in a way that allowed me to stretch the events out over several paragraphs. You can probably find these writing tips just about anywhere now, but I had to learn these things through self-discovery. Using techniques like utilizing the five senses to describe a scene, abandoning the laundry list, and using a broader terminology can all help your story feel less like porn, and more like erotica. A bit of eloquence, and knowledge of the human body, can make your story that much more appealing. Let me show you…


Her perfect tits and ass looked so good in her underwear, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on them. I grabbed her tits, and squeezed them. That was when she moaned for me. I wanted to fuck her so bad, so I pulled off her panties, and pushed her on the bed. I got on top of her, and started fucking her really good. I pounded her like a jackhammer with my hard rod until she creamed on my cock.


She stepped into the doorway, a playful smile on her face, and her cheeks blushing for me as she revealed the new lingerie she bought as a surprise. My eyes looked up and down her body. Her panties hugged her hips with red lace, and cupped her perky mounds to give her a cleavage that would tease any man. My skin grew hot and flush, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I got up, and stepped in front of her, placing my hands on her hips. Her blushing face became a deeper shade of red. She was obviously nervous about wearing something so revealing, but I had told her once about how much I liked red lace lingerie.

Both examples are just one paragraph long, but you can see how one method works better than the other. The better example is able to describe everything that happens just in the first sentence of the wrong example, and still has room for much more description! You also get a much better picture of what’s going on in the second example, and have a better idea of the thoughts, emotions, and motivations of the man and woman. Now, while it may be obvious that a bit of crude language is needed for the description of the actual sex, you may want to avoid using terms like: cock, pussy, tits, cunt, dick, hard rod, ass, etc. Although, it’s acceptable to use these sparingly in your description. I often only use these terms to make certain actions sound more intense, like points where the sex is becoming rougher. If you find yourself using certain terms a little too often, then will soon become your best friend.

The next thing you should know about is female personalities and archetypes. A great many of them exist, and it’s important to remember that they only exist as a point of reference. Remember, even though characters fall under an archetype, each person has their own qualities, personalities, fears, dreams, wants and needs. You’re not just creating a sexual partner, you’re creating a character your readers will want to know more about. Once you have a general ‘template’ of the person you want to create, give them characteristics that make them unique. Do they enjoy a particular sport, or a food, or some other activity? Do they have an alter ego they only show to certain people, but not others? Once you know these things, have those characteristics play a part in what drives them to have sex.

It may help to base your characters on people you already know. I know that seems weird to do with erotica, but it’s not a bad idea either. Of course, characters will seem more real if you base them on real people. But, if you’re still having trouble, you can get a better idea of how to portray a female character by reading stories written from female authors. After all, who knows about female characters better than female writers? I have several female friends who are female erotica writers, and I read their work often to see what works for them, and apply their techniques to my own work. Seriously, this probably should have been my first suggestion.

Finally, the best piece of advice I can give you is this: the woman you are describing is what you make her. It may seem a bit daunting to figure out exactly how a woman would react to any given situation, but they’re still going to do whatever you say they do. Even with everything you’ve just gone through to make a believable woman, they’re still a character in your story. It may not always make sense to the person reading it, but you’re still the writer, and if it makes sense to you, then let it happen. Don’t let doubt discourage you from allowing your story to end the way you intended it to.

Keeping these things in mind, just remember female characters are people. They can be as simple, or as complex, as you want them to be. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t write from a female perspective, . Ladies, we may not know what goes on in your mind, but we’re trying to figure it out. So… go easy on us?


Posted by on July 22, 2017 in random thoughts


Life Philosophy

“I am sad because life sucks. My life sucks”, she cried.”Why do you need to be sad if life sucks. You know what? Life sucks because you learn the blues and not the yellows”, I replied. “What does that mean?” She sobbed.”We become tough as a stone while what life teaches us to flow like a river”, I said. “I don’t get it. If life throws lemons at you, you can’t feel sweetness. Right. That’s an old saying”, she said.”Fuck the old saying. Listen to what I have to say”.”Hmmmmm”. “Why doesn’t one become good to people because once he was mistreated and he knows how it feels? Why doesn’t he become appreciative of others because once he was insulted? Why doesn’t he become empathetic towards others because he was hurt once?Why doesn’t he stop judging people because once he was judged by others? Why doesn’t he become more understanding of others because once he was misunderstood and bitched about? Why doesn’t he become more giving because he didn’t receive the love and care from the people he deeply loved once? Why doesn’t he become sweet because he knows what bitterness is and how he felt once when people were bitter towards him.

I am bitter because my girlfriend left me. I am angry because my friends didn’t care for me. I am rude because no matter how good I was with people I was betrayed in the end. I am cruel because people have hurt me and have never turned around to look if I am alright. Why? Why carry their dark sides and learn the negative feelings? Why don’t you learn from your own sufferings? Why do you have to carry the legacy of those who did bad things to you. If you would keep doing that the world would never be a better place to live in. You don’t need to read Socrates and Aristotle to know about life’s philosophy. They never read others. Pay attention to your own life and don’t do those things to others because of which you suffered a great deal once. Because life gave you lemons once you don’t need to squirt it in the eyes of others. Swallow the
lemon(like Shiva swallowed the venom) and learn the lesson to make it a point that you wouldn’t become like one but you would spread the light because you knew once what darkness felt like.


Do share your views in comment 


Posted by on July 17, 2017 in random thoughts


Broken Window

Every day from dawn to dusk Amit walks back and forth, back and forth in his tiny cell. He loves the way his chains clank as he moves. It is music to him. The only kind of music he has known. Every time he turns to face the wall, he stares at the broken window. He keeps looking outside, hoping to see something new. That Broken Tinted Window is his liberator and his tormentor.

Days are spent staring outside, wondering about the outside world, forgetting about where he is. Nights are spent hating the broken window as it lets the cold wind and mosquitoes torture him. He cannot scream, because he has no voice.He suffers in silence.

Amit isn’t sure of anything, he knows nothing except this room and what the window shows him. He isn’t even self aware. What is better, what is worse are only for those who know choice. Life and death are known to those who have seen it, experienced it. Awareness of life comes from the observation of death. Amit isn’t aware of the existence of such things. He does not even know his name is Amit. The people who made him, had a terrible sense of humor. They provided him a name and denied him the right to know it. One who knows not the purpose of a name cannot be offended by denying it.

He turns to look at the door in hopes that it would open but it did not. He is hungry and the door opening means food comes in. Amit turns again, he walks towards the window, forgetting food for a moment. Amit currently is trapped in a cycle of thoughts which run between curiosity of the outside world and his hungry stomach. He is incapable of keeping his attention on one thing for a long time and so he wanders through out.

One day the door opened and stayed open, no food came through. Amit stared at it, he waited. He heard new sounds, he became afraid. He went towards the door and shut it. He stayed because this was his world. His fear of the noises was stronger than his curiosity, even stronger than his hunger. Poor Amit, he will never know he threw away his last chance at freedom. He had just doomed himself. He kept staring at the broken window, in hopes to see that bird again.



Posted by on July 16, 2017 in random thoughts


Long distance relationship

Long distance relationship

Some say its beautiful.

You miss each other, but there’s nothing you can do about it, but to wait. If she is upset, you can’t be there for her, all you want to do is hug her tight and tell her that it’s all going to be fine, but you can’t. Yet you be there as much as you can. You try to make her feel your presence even when you are very prominently absent.
What about when you are upset? she does the same. Though you wish so bad she was there, in person, to be your pillow, you try to be strong.
There are times when you think she is fading away, like when she is busy or you are, and you try so hard to hold on tight to that invisible feeling you feel so strong, try so hard to hold onto her. But eventually, all the insecurities fade away as she reminds you, over and over again, how much she loves you. You wonder how someone could love you so much inspite of all your flaws. You wonder how is it that fairy tales come true. You wonder how she can be so perfect. Then you realise something, That’s how love works. You are just as perfect for him as he is for you.
And after all those months or years, when you finally meet, its an eclipse. Its wonderful. Its beautiful in its true sense. Its indescribable and the world stares at your union.
That’s what happens when the sun meets the moon, the whole world stares at them in awe.


Posted by on July 16, 2017 in random thoughts

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