The annoying sound of my alarm disturbed my sleep. I was unable to get up from my bed. Both my head and my heart
felt heavy. My head ached because I had been crying all night and my heart
suffered because I felt unimportant and avoided. I felt the whole world against me and I felt that I was useless, just an extra piece of matter doing damage to the earth’s gravity.
She hollered over the phone,”You’ll never change. I’ve lost my peace. I’ve had enough of this shit. Lets break up!” Those words deletriouted me. I felt like a dead-man. “Maybe she would have said everything in a fit of rage. Or was she serious? Should everything end like this?” A thousand questions came over my mind. Whatever it was, those heartbreaking choice of words that she uttered was too intense for me to handle. I poured out again.
It was a day in June. On the same day, 18 years ago, a guardian angel came to this earth to be my better half. I was waiting for this day, and have been planning everything for months. Even though it was her birthday, I was the one who was more excited. I planned something special for the evening. But to my dismay, it turned into the worst day. I looked up at the topsy-turvy nature of the situation. I felt worse. A possessiveness clash between us that ended in that “breakup” notation. I texted her, tried calling her several times, but in vain.
The next morning, I called her again. No answer. I felt worser and worser. I wished that the world would end.
Suddey my mobile pinged. It was a text from her. It read “I’ve booked tickets for the matinee. Pick me up at the street corner at 12.30. Dont be late.” I read the message again and again. I pinched myself doubting if it was a dream and trying to believe if it really happened. Yeah, she really had sent that. I was shouting, jumping up and down like a mad guy. I can hear my mom shouting from the kitchen “Eyy.. What’s wrong with you?” I laughed at myself, picked up my phone and replied, “Done baby.”
The excitement came back in me. I was trying to distinguish dreams from reality. Sort of amaranthine happiness. I got ready, picked her up and went to the cinemas. All this time, she didn’t speak a word. I understood that she was still angry and that I was still in the danger zone. The film started and there was absolute silence. I broke the silence trying to talk to her but she didn’t even care to listen. I tried to hold her hand but she moved away. Atlast I decided to do that, which I’ve reserved for the evening dinner. I held her hands forcefully, and she turned to me. I said, “Baby. Look, this is getting way too awkward. Fine. Lets end this. You are annoying. You are too possessive. I dont want anything from you. I dont want you just for the sake of a having a girlfriend. I dont want you to be my girlfriend.” She was stunned and was about to cry expecting a break up quote. I took out the silver ring from my pocket and continued “But its only these things which has made me to fall in love with you again and again. I dont want you to be my girlfriend. I want you to be my soulmate, my everything. Will you be my better half for the rest of my life my love” Tears rolled down her eyes. She smiled at me. We ignored the surroundings and the people. The soft music from the film intensified the situation. Our eyes met and so did our lips. That was enough for the reply.
When I write these diary notes, a few of my friends asked me why I stressed on “ego’s in a relationship”. It is because I believe that a non-egoistic attitude in every aspect, will make our love life strong. To forgive, forget and find a new way towards eternal love and happiness.