When Love Begins

This poem is about a special girl in my life. She’s my inspiration for writing this poem. She’s the thought that makes me smile and she’s the rhythm that makes my heart beat. I wanted to share a piece of my heart on how beautiful the feeling is of “when love begins” and being able to share that love with that right person…

I always knew that love would come find me someday
but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way
you caught me off guard and took me by surprise
but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your eyes

It’s true that every good and perfect gift is from above
you were presented to me as a beautifully packaged gift full of humor, talent, intelligence, beauty and love
“it isn’t finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
we all have our flaws but when I view you through my eyes, perfection is all I see

From when you laugh to when you’re upset, I still love the little things you do
especially hearing you laugh and seeing your nose wrinkle the same way mine does too
coming into this relationship has been hard at times but we’ve made it through
I know as long as we’re on this journey together, there’s nothing that we can’t do.

Sometimes I wonder if what we have is too good to be true
too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you
but in the end, I trust in the author and perfecter of what I believe
because what I ask for in Her, In return shall receive

“Where your treasure is, your heart will be also” is how the saying goes
I may not know what tomorrow may bring, for God is the only one who knows
the one thing I do know is that you are my one and only
a treasure in my heart that I want to devote my whole life to completely

I know I don’t need to prove my feelings to know they’re true
because what I’ve known in my past, doesn’t come close to the experience I’ve shared with you
I’ve had the experience of being in relationships before
however, this is the first time I’ve been truly happy… I couldn’t ask for anything more
it’s an honor to know that I am yours, as you are mine
and I trust God that He’ll bring us together in His beautiful time

For now, I’ll be waiting patiently for that day when we’ll be together
that precious moment in time when I’ll say, “it’s you that I want to be with forever”
God made everything beautiful, precious and new
just as beautiful and precious as the day will be, when I look into your eyes and say, “I Love You”


Posted by on June 13, 2018 in random thoughts


Sleeping Paradise

She is sleeping
Her breathing is shallow. Her chest rises and falls. He counts the seconds and studies her for signs of waking.There are none.
He says her name Softly.
Again. A little louder. But still quietly. He does not really want her to stir.
He gently takes her hand in his. It is small, and soft, and cool. Her fingers lie over his. They are quiet and still. His thumb and forefinger circle her wrist. He can feel her pulse. He imagines it quickening, but he cannot be sure. He lowers her hand to the bed.
She is beautiful. Her hair is raven black against her pale skin. Her lips are perfectly formed and ruby-red. She is wearing a pure white dress that is fitted at the breast, tight at the waist, and clinging to her hips. Sleeping Beauty
He knows he should kiss her, rouse her from her slumber, bring her back to consciousness.
But her still and perfect form has mesmerised him, captivated him, bewitched him. He feels himself harden as he moves towards her. He murmurs her name again. His throat stifles the sound.
He reaches out and with almost trembling fingers he strokes her cheek. Her skin is warm to his touch.
She does not stir.
He carefully undoes the first of the buttons. And then another. And a third. The gorgeous swell of her makes him dizzy with desire.

At the sixth button, as the material begins to peel open, he realises she is naked underneath.

She is not sleeping.

She senses him standing by the narrow bed, gazing at her. She knows his eyes are upon her, taking in every curve, and every line. She waits. And tries to control her breathing.She focuses on keeping perfectly still.
She hears him say her name. Twice. She ignores it, forbidding her eyelids to flicker.
He picks up her hand. His sudden touch in the darkness almost makes her flinch with surprise. His fingers are long and thin. She fears he will feel her pulse race crazily as his thumb presses against her flesh. He releases her gently, and she knows.
She is certain about what is going to happen when she hears her name a third time, and it is said like a faint prayer in a hoarse and caressing whisper.
His touch upon her cheek is like fire. She almost gasps at her own arousal.
He begins to undo the buttons of her dress. Achingly,Tantalizingly,Deliciously slowly. This is heaven.She will not wake now.

Leave a comment

Posted by on June 12, 2018 in random thoughts


Boys are Looking for Love too

Girls get so caught up in romance and our hearts and finding love and if “he’s the one” that we forget about the other side of the equation.

We aren’t the only ones in relationships. It really does take two to tango, you know?

I never really thought guys dreamt of their future wives or hoped for that perfect soulmate or even cared about love at all until I met someone who made me realize it’s not all about the girl.

So many times, girls have been so hurt by a guy (or guys) that they see every single guy through the lenses of a generalization rather than for who he is as an individual.

I did that and still do that. I catch myself not believing there would be any way for my fiancé to really love me the way I love him because guys just don’t love like girls.

That is very wrong and, really and truly, unbiblical. God never said, “these people love more and harder and better than these other people.” We are all called to love and we learn true love through the love of God.

After finding a guy who really knew what it meant to love God and be loved by God, it became clear to me that he had the desire for love just like I did.

It comes across in the way he puts me first, in the way he does special things for me, and in the way he plans cute little things for us to do. At first I thought he only did romantic things because I like them and he wants me to be happy, but I started to realize that it was satisfying a hunger for him too.

Who are we to think, as girls, that guys don’t long to be loved? God made us with the desire to be loved. Girls may show that differently, in a more open and sensitive way, but that doesn’t mean that men are not desperate for affection too.

A woman can’t leave the man out in the pursuit of a relationship because that’s when she makes it all about her.

If we are so focused on them making us happy and buying us flowers and cooking us dinner and planning us dates then we turn this into a one-sided deal that was always meant to be 50/50.

If we are searching for all the love for ourselves, what love are we giving them?

I have found myself taking advantage, unknowingly, of what an amazing guy he is because I’ve never had that kind of love before. It initially felt like a dream and the fairytale I’ve always wanted, but then it became real. Relationships can give you butterflies and all that cute stuff, but at the end of the day, they are very real. There are real fights and real emotions and real problems and a real purpose as to why you have been joined together.

We cannot look for relationships for ourselves but for the glory of God. Have you realized that? Because I sure didn’t. I was in it for me. I wanted the butterflies and the cute pictures and fun dates and someone to hang out with all the time but it didn’t cross my mind that it was for something bigger than me.

When I first started dating my now fiancé, I wasn’t fully on board because I was all about being single. Just when I was pretty sure I wouldn’t continue the relationship, I listened to a podcast about “why you should date.” I have referenced the podcast a million times and always will. He basically said, if you’re dating someone because you think they are cute or fun or a good time, you’re really wrong. You should be with someone because, together, you can further the kingdom of Christ. Out of all the moments I think back on when I say I “knew” he was the one, that really was it. That was God knocking telling me I found the one HE wanted for me to do HIS work. Point blank. No other questions asked.

And the same goes for him. He wants love and loves to love me and enjoys having me to hang out with (I think), but that’s not the main goal of him pursuing me. He pursued me for my heart for The Lord because it matched up with his. He hasn’t been dreaming of a trophy wife to do the dishes, he has been longing for someone to walk beside him while he chases after God. We walk together through all the victories and all the struggles to, and that’s what love really is.

So, yeah, maybe guys aren’t all about all the “hype” of being in love, but they are hopeless romantics in the sense that they desire a connection with someone who will love them for who they are no matter what for the rest of forever. They may not say it or write about it or post about it or scream it from mountaintops, but they let us know with their quiet words or loving actions or selflessness.

Girls aren’t the only ones out there looking for “the one” and getting their hearts broken. Guys are going through it too. Good men are still left in the world and they are on their pursuit just like women.

We can’t think of all men like we think of that one guy who wrecked our world just like they can’t think of women like they think of the girl who dumped them for another guy.

Every person, male or female, deserves love and deserves a chance, despite the actions of their predecessor.

Girls, let’s stop being selfish in this pursuit of love. Let guys in on the fun and remember that they have hearts too. They aren’t robots with no feelings; they are made in God’s image, and God is love.

And the one who did break your heart, he wants love too, but he wasn’t right for you. So, just pray he shows that to the woman he will spend forever with while you pray that for your future husband.

We are all running toward the same eternity, and we all want to be loved along the way. Men need love as much as women, just in a different way, so let’s recognize that and respond.

We aren’t the only ones dreaming about that wedding day and a lifetime of happiness, ladies, so scoot over and let him enjoy the love too.


Posted by on June 11, 2018 in random thoughts


The Eve Of Surrender

I had it all mapped out in my mind, how I would go slow and steady, how I would wait until the moment felt right. It was a good plan. In theory. Until I realized that my desire to be close to you was more than just a potent physical yearning. My soul wants the comfort and healing of connecting with yours. I starve myself of your closeness and suffer, far more than a mere physical suffering. The me beyond this body and name and life story is reaching out for you, inviting you into the sacred spaces of my being, places I don’t allow anyone. Places no one has ever been permitted. I want you to find all the hidden parts of me, I open myself for you to explore the terrain of my thoughts and feelings. And…this body, too. On the eve of my surrender I feel a deep sense that I’m about to plunge into changing waters and my heart quickens as I try to imagine what I might find there. I feel how every moment disappears forever and moves into the next, and the impermanence of everything I know nestles deeply inside me, ticking like a clock. Time is fleeting and this life is short and I can’t wait anymore. You are here when I thought I would never find you. You are here though I began to think you didn’t exist. You are here and I want you, I want to taste you with my soul and see what I feel. If you are what I’ve been looking for then I know the morning after will find me changed forever. I’m tired of this fight, I am exhausted and my heart aches. And so here I am, ready to shed my final protective layers and give of myself to you. So here I wait nervously at the edge of change on the eve of my surrender.


Posted by on June 9, 2018 in random thoughts


How do you deal with feelings of writer jealousy?

We’ve all been there.

Your classmate’s story is praised in workshop, while yours is torn apart.

“Poorly written” romances dominate best-seller lists, while your science fiction novel languishes in Amazon’s 2,000,000 ranking spot.

The author you follow on Instagram posts their third cover reveal this year, while you struggle to finish your manuscript.

There’s a thousand ways that we writers experience jealousy of other authors. We constantly compare ourselves to our peers in writing groups, our Internet friends, or the hallowed greats like Stephen King. We long for the secret to their success. How do they write a first draft so quickly? How do they have so many Pinterest followers? Where do they find time to publish and write a daily blog?

We take other writers’ successes as inherent failures in ourselves as creatives.

Let me get personal for a minute. Throughout graduation and post graduation , I longed to be a writer, but I hardly ever wrote. I seethed with self-loathing and jealousy in equal amounts. As I became more entwined in the literary community, I saw myself in competition with other aspiring writers. With each person’s success, I thought one more seat on the bus to authordom had been snatched from me. Around senior year of college, I finally wised up.

But others I know didn’t. I’ve lost friends over jealousy and unnecessary feelings of competition. I’ve had close friends flat-out ignore my writing career. I’ve had acquaintances insult or downplay my abilities in order to praise their own. It sucks. It hurts. And I don’t want it to happen to anyone else.

Why do we feel jealousy?

Easy: because other writers have what we want. Be it a publishing contract, a movie deal, or even just a finished manuscript, if you want it, some writer has already accomplished it. When I used to see a more successful writer, I would instantly translate that into: “Well, shit. I’m so far behind. I’m never going to amount to anything.” OR “They don’t deserve X. They just got lucky. Why can’t anyone see what a talentless hack they are?”

The good news? I don’t ride either of those thought trains anymore. In fact, the moment I feel a twinge of jealousy, I actually get really excited. Why?

Because when channeled properly, jealousy can be a force for good.

The positive side of jealousy

Jealousy and competition are natural human feelings. If you acknowledge them and channel their energy into something positive, it can be motivating for you. The next time you feel jealous, take a moment to deconstruct your emotions and get down to what’s really bothering you. But don’t stop there: make a plan to fix the real issue so that this doesn’t happen again.

Here is how my jealous moments play out now:

  1. Address the feeling: Okay, Ajay. You’re feeling jealous.
  2. Forgive yourself: That’s okay! You’re human. It happens.
  3. Find the “what:” Let’s see. I’m jealous that this author started writing a book after me, but is publishing it before I publish mine.
  4. Find the “why:” I wish my book were ready to publish.
  5. Take responsibility and make a plan: Well, what can you do to make that happen? How about we turn off Netflix and do some revising? Let’s eat out one less night a week so we can afford an editor. Let’s stop being nervous and contact the cover designer.
  6. Ride the high: Awesome, I know exactly what to do! I just have to be patient and work hard. I’m going to write right now.

Ways to handle jealousy

Notice this section is not titled “ways to quit being jealous.” That’s probably never going to happen. There will always be someone more successful than you. There will always be something you want that someone else has already achieved. But, there are ways to handle your jealousy in a healthy manner.

Act in opposition to your feelings. A writer friend on Facebook posts that they’ve signed with an agent? Like the post or write a supportive comment. At first, you can console yourself with the smug satisfaction that you were “the bigger person” in the competition your mind constructed. Eventually, your gut reaction will change to genuine excitement for them. I promise.

Figure out how they did it. I want to be Joanna Penn so bad it hurts. She writes kick-ass fiction books, super-helpful nonfiction books, and is a beloved authority figure in the self-publishing community. But instead of hating her and avoiding her, I follow her progress. I read her books. I read the articles she posts. And you know what? I’m learning how to create a career like hers, one step at a time.

Do something about it. If you have a moment of jealousy, then you know what you want. It frustrates you that your writer friend has a finished book and you don’t? Go write your damn book. That Twitter author has better sales than you? Read up on book marketing and business strategy, arrange advertising or book reviews, or publish more books. Outside circumstances may prevent you from achieving 100% of your goals, but if you’re not putting 100% of possible effort in, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Remember that someone out there is jealous of you. If there is someone ahead of you, then there must be someone behind you. Maybe you don’t make enough money to write full-time yet, but there is a writer out there who has only one book published who envies your five-book series. Moreover, the person of whom you are jealous was once in your position. Keep it all in perspective.

Be kind to yourself. Often, jealousy goes hand-in-hand with feelings of inadequacy. If you are nicer to yourself throughout the entire creative process (keeping your inner critic quiet during drafting, forgiving yourself for missing your word count goal on a busy day, etc.), your self-respect will grow. When it is healthy and happy, you are less likely to be dragged down by bitterness.

And if all else fails? Step away from the situation and eat some ice cream. It really does make everything better.

How do you deal with feelings of writer jealousy? What do your moments of jealousy reveal about your goals? Share your experiences in the comments.


Posted by on June 9, 2018 in random thoughts


The Proposal

“I cant be with u forever.”she whisperd closing her eyes. “Why are u saying that?”he bellowed holding her shaking in his arms. He kissed on the top of her head gathering the bundle of misres in his hands. “No…No”she whimpered pushing him away with her hands.
“What happened?”he held her arms more closer to himself. She traced his tear striken face with her trembling fingers feeling the pain she infused.
“I cant..I am destroying you.”she blinked her tears from her eyes, the eyes which she never used.
“I love you fool !”he yelled as she rubbed the tears from his face which she never saw. “You can’t destroy your life looking after me.” she hussed struggling to free from his grip
“You are my life.” he smiled sadly. She heaved sighly.
“I can’t be a burden on you.”she felt his grip loosen. Although she wanted that to happen her heart wished opposite.
Damm this love!!!!
“Oh!! so you think I have sympathy for you?” she heard his voice, once the happy voic,
she remained silent
“Listen” he reached before her tucking the hair perfectly. He love those hair of her
“Please. !”she yelled moving sideways only to get hurt on her head.
“Ahhhh!! ” she winced
“Shit cant you see?” he regretted this words “Thats the point I am blind and I m a trouble on you” she groaned tears pouring out of her eyes
“I love you still !” he brushed the wound to clean it with sleeves of his shirt.
“Why ??” she sobbed.
“Love, it is feel in love in most unexpected I feel for you” she heard his cheerful voice hitting her ears. meanwhile he kneeled down on his knees and said “Baby,I love you from my core of my heart. would you be my better half, would you be grow old with me, would you be at every step of my life with me, would you be my soulmate?” At last she listened to her heart n nodded and that moment she felt cold solid ring between her finger.
“I am your light that guides your way” he whispered moving his lips down and their lips met as he absorbed in her agonies gifting her a shimmering tale to adore vapourizing her insecurities with his love….


Posted by on June 8, 2018 in random thoughts



I saw her last that night, riding the waves of emotion, balancing against the tide, curbing the erupting volcano as she agreed to meet me. We met at an interval of a week. Seven days had passed without any communication. Finally we met.
Our relationship was short lived, mostly one-sided. She was just a co-passenger not a companion. Travelling in the same compartment, sharing opposite berths, we started liking each other. An infatuation! I wonder. She never took me seriously. To her it was a passing phase. Soon someone else would occupy my seat, causing adrenaline rush.
We met twice before, with sporadic excitement, that soon jaded away with the waning moon. The last night, however, was different. So contrary to what I had experienced before. That night was of union not only of bodies but also of minds. It is said union of minds is the best form of consummation, highly satisfying than sexual gratification. Pleasure derived is immense. It works as a tranquilizer. Gives enough fodder for soul searching. Helps to appreciate and accept your partner at the intellectual level rather than by external beauty.
She prepared her mind to give me mental orgasm. Foreplay began after physical intimacy. Soon we reached a mental high. Reeling through the magnitude of a multidimensional way of intercourse. Unlike physical exertion there was purgation. She didn’t want to sleep but converse more. Contentment had no threshold. Like a perpetually fed river it kept on absorbing and flowing. It grew intense with the darkening night unaffected by the breaking dawn.


Posted by on June 8, 2018 in random thoughts

%d bloggers like this: