This Is What I Want You To Promise Me

I want you to promise me that when things get rough and tough, you’ll think of all the times we were tougher. Those times when we sailed smoothly, when no wave was high enough to knock our boat down. The times when all we had to do was talk things out and we’d be good as new.

I want you to promise me that when I push you too hard, you will recall the times I barely got in your way.. the times I let you be, and do whatever it is that makes you happy.

I want you to promise me that when you feel like I’m being crazy, you will think of the moments you felt like I’m the most understanding person you’ve ever met. Of the moments when you thought I compare to Gandhi. Think of the moments when you thought I wasn’t real because of how easily I could see the light in the dark.

I want you to promise me that when you get mad at me and become too tired of being with me, you’ll think of our crazy moments together, of when we didn’t have to say anything anymore because our being latched to each other said it all. Promise me you’ll think of the times I made you smile in the liver, of the good morning love and kisses at any time of the day that made you relax, of the nights you found it a lot easier to sleep cuddled with me.

I want you to promise that when I hurt you too much, you’ll remember every single day I made you feel loved, cared for, and special. Promise me you will believe more in the truth that I love you and that your pain is my pain.

I want you to promise me that when you feel like giving up, you’ll remind yourself of everything we’ve been through, of how we both were made better by our shared feelings, of how we are so in love. Remind yourself of how we promised to keep choosing each other no matter how hard the situation gets. Of how we won’t let go of each other, not in this lifetime.

I want you to promise me to remember these promises no matter how busy and crazy our life and schedule get. To never forget that your dreams are my dreams, and that your happiness is my happiness.

I want you to promise me these things, not because I did it myself but because I love you and have been with you long enough to know you can continue keeping these promises you have quietly made through the things you do for me. Because I believe in you, your words and actions no matter what you think of yourself.

 

I Could Never Call Loving You A Waste

I think about you when the sun has barely risen and I’m guiding my bike  along these quiet streets. The clouds are still hanging low in the sky, the birds are silent, and the trees are holding their breath, waiting for the first signs of life.
This is when I miss you the most. I wonder where you are, who you’re with, if you’re thousands of galaxies and worlds and decisions away from me, not missing me at all.
Sometimes I wonder if we were a mistake. If you meant what you said when you carved those three words into my soul, into the ribbons of my mind, into the protective rib cage around my heart. Your ‘I love yous’ kept me safe, grounded. Now I wonder if they carried any weight, or if they were just words spoken to the air, dissolving like morning dew.
But you were my adventure. You were my Friday nights, my cross-country trips, my pounding heart, my spark. You were my escape. My Saturday mornings, my afternoons on the roof, my dinners and movies and forehead kisses. You were my laughter, my challenge, my hope, my person. And no matter what I tell myself when the morning is dark and silent, I loved you.
I loved you. And so we were never, could never be a mistake, a waste, days and months and years of lost time. I could never see us like that.
No matter what I tell myself when the morning is dark and silent, I loved you.
You were arms that held me, a mind that built me, a voice that challenged me. You were the one I grew alongside, I trusted, and I knew more than anyone. Regardless of heartbreak and pain and change and circumstance, that counts for something. Always will.
And so it’s morning, and my eyes are sleepy, my mind wandering. The houses along this road are shadowed, porch lights like signals calling wandering husbands and wives home.
In the rear view mirror, I see the quiet yards, the grass dark and grey. I see the beads of dew that will melt with the morning sun.
And I see my eyes reflected back to me, bright and clear.

 

Want you at 2 AM

I only want you when it’s 2 AM, never when it’s 2 PM. I only want you when I have to walk home alone at night and I’m scared of the way the world has become. I only want you when I watch a creepy episode of How To Get Away With Murder so I don’t have to sleep alone with fear. I only want you when my roommates are gone for the night and I hear a creepy noise in my house, and for some reason would feel safer with you around.
I only want you when I’m tossing and turning, wide awake looking for someone to talk to because no matter how many times I put down my phone and put my pillow over my head I still can’t sleep. I only want you when it’s cold in my room and I want a warm body next to me, to wrap my legs around and share body heat. I only want you when it’s convenient for me, and it’s only convenient at 2 AM.
I don’t want to try to slide out of bed without trying to wake you up in the morning. I don’t want you in the morning when I’m making breakfast for one. I don’t want you in the morning when I’m trying to get ready for work. I don’t want to have to say the awkward goodbyes when I’m trying to rush out the door.
I don’t want to look at my phone and wonder if you’ll text me. I don’t want to be hopeful that you’ll miss me because I really don’t want to miss you. I don’t want the cycle of games to begin that relationships have now evolved too.
So no matter how much I might want you at 2 AM I won’t give into you.
No matter how many nights you text me asking me what I’m doing I won’t answer because I’ll never want you in the morning.
The way I want you is to stay hidden behind the closure of my bedroom door. I don’t want the world to know about you, about us. As much as I want you it will never be enough because no matter what I’ll never want you in the morning.
There is an uneasiness about 2 AM that makes you think things you wouldn’t think at 2 PM. There is a comfort in the day, being busy, being around friends and family, and having the sun shining on your skin. But the darkness brings different feelings, darker ones. It traps you with your thoughts, makes you feel useless, maybe worthless. It makes you feel alone more than anything and no one likes feeling alone.
I hate feeling alone.

 

The Proposal

He sat on the shore and let the saline air hit his face and body. The blue light being scattered away, the sky was filled with a red orange glow. The sun was setting into the horizon, creating quiet a scene that no one could resist looking at the beauty of it.

But, his eyes were not looking at the wonderful sight, they were actually staring into the distance. His thoughts were filled with her, her smile, her eyes, her visage. He shook his head trying to clear his mind. “Enough is enough”, he thought.
His vision now not being blinded by his thoughts, he tried to chew in his surroundings. He noticed the light blaze in the dusking sky. It looked like the light was slowly fading, taking away all the beauty from the sky. Something made him metaphorize this to his own life. His thoughts immediately drifted to her. He imagined how his sky would be if his light faded away. The anxiety and the insecure feeling that came from this thought made him realize what a fool he was to let her go. He glanced at his watch, he still had like 15min to reach her, before she left town for college. “If she leaves before I reach her, that’s it she’s gone forever “, he thought.  He stood up on his feet, tightened his shoe laces and started running. He ran like his life depended on that. Who is he kidding? Of course, his life depended on it, she was his life. He did not slow down his pace, until he saw the blue Corolla parked outside the gate. He finally saw her, trying with great effort to lift the huge luggage to put it in the trunk. He walked towards her, trying not to attract any attention.
“Lemme do it”, he told and gently grabbed the bag from her hand. She turned around after giving out a loud squeak, shock taking over her beautiful face. He placed the bag on the trunk and looked at her.
“What are you doing here?”, she questioned him, placing her hands on her hips and adding an extra effect to the dramatism.
“Came to see you of course”, he told in a very casual tone with a pinch of desperation in it.
“I thought we….”, she started
“Ended things, I know”, he cut in.
He felt that there was no time to waste or any chances to take. He thought the only option was to do something which would swipe her off her heel. He bent on his knee and held her hand.
“Sweetheart, I know we are terrible for each other. I know we fight every living hour. I also know that this would continue. But I also happen to know that, I am crazily, madly and uncontrollably in love with you and you know why? It’s ‘cuz of the fights we have and the way the intensity of our love grows with each and every fight. I know this is too much but I also happen to know one more thing. I wanna spend my life with you. I want you by my side every single day. I wanna marry you. So please, will you marry me?”, he finished his proposal without a pause and looked at her. He noticed her eyes turn glossy. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but hesitated.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have a ring right now”, he added and looked at her, expectantly. She bent down and slowly, smoothly, swiftly placed her lips over his. Well, that’s all he needed for an approval!

 

I Want To Waste My Days With You

I want to waste my days with you, talking about life, telling each other stories about our past and our wishes for the future. I want to waste my mornings with you, catching you up on years and years of untold stories, family secrets, friend’s drama and a long list of heartbreaks. I want to waste my words on you.
I want to waste my afternoons with you, driving ourselves to unfamiliar places; exploring the city as we listen to your favorite songs and as you listen to my favorite lyrics and replay our favorite songs over and over again. I want us to go to museums, galleries, festivals, concerts and anything we come cross. I want to waste my money on you.
I want to waste my evenings with you, walking by the lake, watching the sunset, remembering the times when we didn’t think the sun will ever shine, when we were blinded by our own darkness and how we came to find the light. I want to shine my light on you.
I want time to fly with you, I want time to pass me by with you, or maybe I want time to stop with you.
I want to waste my nights with you. I want to dance with you under the moonlight and I want to take you to all my favorite restaurants and bars and show you my favorite spots. Where I go when I need to think, where I go when I need to be alone, and where I go when I want to hide from the world. I want to waste my secrets on you.
I want to waste my heart with you. I want to spoil you and buy you gifts you don’t need. I want to help you love the parts of you that you gravely hate. I want to heal the scars that life left on you and I want to keep giving you all I’ve got – profuselyand lavishly. I want to waste my love on you.
I want to waste my sleep with you. I want to stay up looking at you when I can barely open my eyes. I want to stay up listening to you when I can’t utter a word. I want you to be the reason why I couldn’t wake up in the morning and I want you to be the reason for my incurable insomnia. I want to waste my sleepless nights on you. 
I want to waste the best years of my life with you. Traveling, exploring the world, exploring adulthood, exploring life and watching ourselves grow through life. I want to spend my years in your arms that feel like home. I want to waste the best years of my life making memories with you.
I want to waste my time with you. I want every moment to be filled with something of you. I want time to fly with you, I want time to pass me by with you, or maybe I want time to stop with you.
I guess what I am trying to say is I don’t want to waste a minute unless I am wasting it away with you.

 

Love Is All Around

Love is all Around me….

General opinion makes out that ‘we live in a world of hatred and greed’.

But l don’t see that…

“Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy but it’s always there.

Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives,boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, none of the phone calls from people on board were messages of hate or revenge, they were all messages of love.”

lf you look for it, l’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around….

“I feel it in my fingers

I feel it in my toes

Love is all around me

And so the feeling grows

It’s written on the wind

It’s everywhere I go,

So if you really love me

Come on and let it show, woh

You know I love you, I always will

My mind’s made up by the

way that I feel

there’s no beginning,

there’ll be no end

’cause on my love you can depend

I see your face before me

as I lay on my bed,

I kinda get to thinking

of all the things you said, oh yes I did

You gave your promise to me and I

gave mine to you

I need someone beside me

in everything I do, oh yes I do

You know I love you, I always will,

my mind’s made up by the

way that I feel

there’s no beginning,

there’ll be no end

’cause on my love you can depend”…..

 

3:00 AM

I stare at the skyline

Spread ahead, then disappearing

Lights blinking in and out

Writing stories in the sky

And telling tales I can’t hear

And I think of the ripples of water

In the inky sea, too dark for me

To see anything but wavering

Reflections in; distorted stories

And trembling tales I’ll never know

And all I can think of is the fact

That I’m thankful for the skyline

And the lights

And the stories

And all I don’t know

Because if it was only the sea

Stretching without a break

In front of me, I’d think of things

Like forevers and promises and

You. I’d think of things I can’t have

And I’d think of words that mean

Everything, and nothing

And I’d be a wreck because all I

Know is that infinities scare me.

 

Life and Love

Life and Love are like destinations on the map.

You look at the directions to the right road it it takes you to the desired location.

On the map there are freeways, highways, routes, but only the road that matter is what you have to stay on.

There are shortcuts but it doesnt show your patience in achieving what you truly want. There are stops you could find to lay back and take it easy, but you only take a small rest to get back on the road otherwise too much time has been wasted and nothing more was accomplished. When your unlucky you take the wrong turn and hit a dead end, you have to start all over and drive from there.  Take the wheel. Position the Stick on Drive. Press your foot on the gas pedal softly. Be Patient and take the directions from the map, dont cheat and use shortcuts, dont lie to yourself and waste time, dont speed the car otherwise the map wont be there for you when you drove too fast and missed your turn. For those who read the Map correctly, you made it, you found Love at last.  Now read the Map again and your next trip awaits for when new surprises await after Love and which you have started your life. This is only the beginning of something special, take the keys, drive the car, start your Journey. Life and Love are like destinations on the map

 

Dreams

Never let go, the dreams that have held you we all dream or have goals and a number a of us are passionate about a particular thing. But sometimes failure comes on us like a big blow and we give up. I know it’s easy to say to hold on when one feels completely discouraged and demotivated .. but just go back and think why had you chosen to do it on the first place & what had made you believe in that dream for such a long time and then you will find a very convincing reason to cling back to your dreams once again.

 

I am constantly torn between hating you and still loving u

For what it’s worth I don’t think I could ever really hate you though, I think that’s always just me trying to mask how much you hurt me.. Or how much I let you hurt me.. I honestly don’t  know anymore.. But I’m just trying to make peace.. With myself, my bleeding  heart, and you, even if you held the knife or pulled the trigger or what ever the  you did.. It is what it is at this point and I just want to be happy, with.. Or  with out you .. And I want that for you too, with or without me, and at this point I really hope it’s without each other because there has GOT TO BE BETTER THAN THIS.. Imagine that, we both have yet to experience the best thing that’s coming for us, that’s just a beautiful concept to me and it’s been the only thing getting me through from one day to the next.. I will always love you, make no mistake about that, because that’s just who I am.. Hell you weren’t the first person I fell in love with and broke my heart, you might not even be the last.. But somehow I always manage to find love again, or it find me temporarily just like it did with you, just to remind me that I have to keep going.. It gets better every time I swear it does, and even though I would of swore this was it and with you would be the forever I’ve been looking for.. I swear I’m learning to find so much peace in understanding that the best has yet to come.. So this is me letting go, perhaps maybe not forever, but for now.